AIBU to expect DH to cut ties

[fancypants3]

Name changed because I worry this is a bit outing as it's quite specific

DH had a woman who worked with him who bascially admitted she was in love with him

She's now left the job

He is still texting her updates and being friendly to her

AIBU to expect that he would completely cut ties now they dont work together, delete her number etc??

I don't think I'd be keen on this myself, but I'd leave the judgment up to him. I presume he told you how she felt and you didn't find out some other way?

Updating her on what? Are you sure it was her into him instead of the other way round?
How do you know he’s texting her?

He's enjoying the attention and ego stroking. Out of respect for you, he shstart to let contact fade out.

Really depends what the texts are like.

And! Did she just admit she likes him or did she actually try it on?

Well, he obviously likes her well enough to text her...

Thing is by still talking to her and so on his giving the poor love some hope. How is she meant to move on and forget him? For her sake the kind thing to do would be to stop replying imo.

Well soneone’s getting his jollies from knowing how much she liked him...

What the fuck is he messaging her for? That’s twisted.

Or, there's more to it. Have you seen the messages?

It's pretty disrespectful to you, and rather unkind to her, isn't it?

We’re they friends anyway? How long ago did she tell him she liked him?

Say they were friends, x years ago she says she has a crush on him, he keeps his distance, they eventually become friends again... that’s fine.

They were never friends, she tells him she’s in love with him two months ago right before leaving and gives him her number, they’ve been texting ever since... not fine

Yes I’d expect him to cut ties.

I wouldn't be happy and unless the feelings are returned I'd think the kindest thing for your husband to do is not engage and give her updates on his life because it comes across as if he's giving her false hope.

There's no way I'd continue a friendship with an ex colleague who'd said they were in love with me.

Yeah, nope. Not on. (Him not you)

Who told you she said she was in love with him op.?

Was it him?

She knew he was married?

What did she hope to gain I wonder?

She's certainly got his attention!

She way overstepped (imo) if she knew his situation & he should have stepped waaay back!

Gosh lots of questions, thanks for the replies.

He is only replying on texts she's sent, but updates on how things are at work now shes left, what's going on etc

She knew he was married, I found out at a work event I was invited along to, she was v flirty with him and it kind of came out that she fancied him... he didn't tell me directly at first but has admitted it since, obvs said there's no feelings from him but they worked closely together at work.

Not sure i'd describe them as 'friends' more close work colleagues

What did she hope to gain by telling him? who knows!

I've seen the messages. Nothing dodgy just her asking him stuff about work and saying she misses him, him sending general replies/updates

And yeh I do think he likes the attention

Ok so basically he told you this?

I think there is more to this op. I’m sorry. But that’s a classic line he’s given you there,

He’s either enjoying the ego trip

Or

He likes you suffering this

Or

There’s more to it.

Your husband sounds a bit of a twat actually, OP. He must know that this isn't the right thing to do but of course, his ego is the most important thing in all this.

You're not being unreasonable to expect him to cut ties, he's being unreasonable to carry on this communication, particularly knowing how this woman feels for him. I expect he'll miss the ego stroke if/when he's made to cut ties. Urgh.

Yanbu at all - but have you actually asked him to do cut ties.

@MashedSweetSpud

He’s either enjoying the ego trip

Or

He likes you suffering this

Or

There’s more to it.

This.

And more likely rhe latter. It’s such a classic line, oh yes she fancies me, but I feel nothing. Honest darling. It’s all her. Not me baby no not me.

@briebuiltthiscity

Yanbu at all - but have you actually asked him to do cut ties.

She shouldn't need to!

Her saying she misses him is her lead in to see if he will respond similarly, opening the door.

Some would reply as they are the kind that feel they have to respond if someone messages, but you think he’s doing it for attention shows that that’s not the case.

He’s playing with fire.

OK, guy I liked split from girl and flirted around me things got a bit heated text wise a few times but then he got back with his girlfriend he made it clear that was it we were friends if we bumped into each other in the streets (we still speak now if we see each other hello hows your family polite stuff etc) but the personal stuff is gone no text from me will be responded to no email nothing

I appreciated his honesty even if it stung like hell at the time by not cutting her off he is not doing her any favours at all

Of course he should cease contact. She crossed a major line and he knows it. How would he like it if the roles were reversed? Not very much, I'm sure.

Sadly, he gets off on the attention. Idiot is playing with fire.