Neighbour asked me to be quiet

[DBML]

Good afternoon!

My husband and I work full time. My son is 15 and never plays loud games or music. We bought him earphones many years ago so as not to disturb us, let alone neighbours. We are a quiet family; no parties; no late TV; no pets; nothing.

Anyway, next door (SAHM) have a two and a half year old and I understand how difficult that is, but I am getting a little pissed off. We hear the baby crying, sometimes screaming with a little tantrum and ignore...all very normal, no harm done.

But, I put the vacuum on on a Saturday to Hoover around and I get a text asking me if I can turn it off as they are trying to put the baby down for a nap and he won’t go.

Today, I’ve just almost finished my big clean of the week (as I said, I work full time) the vacuum is on at 1.30pm for less than a minute when I get the text.

‘Hey hun - were trying to get ** off to sleep. Can you do the vacuuming some other time?’

I want to say ‘actually, no I can’t. I’m doing my housework now’.

Would I be unreasonable to just start the vacuum up now and finish the job?

I used to put the hoover on and place it under the cot to get my daughter to sleep. She would wake up if I switched it off! The other one loved the washing machine and would babble away to it til she drifted off. I was clearly a neglectful mother but they have both survived. My grandchildren have Ewan the sheep

Ignoring might seem passive aggressive though

No; passive aggressive would be replying with "I think my vacuum makes less noise than your DC"
Or turning off the vacuum, but replying with a text that says "could you ask your child to be quiet please?" next time it's screaming.

Ignore them, get on with vacuuming - you're hardly doing it at unsociable times.

I think you should politely explain to them that you have your own regime and you do not have to adapt to others.

Good grief. I am flabbergasted! You don’t need to justify yourself; go back “No, I’m sorry.”

The middle of the afternoon!! It’s not like you’re hoovering at 10pm or anything. They can fuck off. Children should learn to fall asleep with noise and light otherwise they become really fucking annoying adults who have loads of conditions attached to their falling asleep process. It’s white noise anyway; usually good for getting children off.

& especially ignore any texts that address you as "Hun" - the rude entitles cow has your phone number but can't be arsed to remember your name?

She called you hun, all bets are off...

And this is why I love living next to an old lady who is hard of hearing. She plays her TV super loud so I never worry about having mine too loud. No music after 9pm.

The neighbours on the other side are out quite a bit but I had no issues singing along to music while I was working all day on Friday as they spent the day banging about doing DIY on the room that is next to my office. We both heard each other.

The joys of terraced houses.

I would pretend you hadn't seen it until later

YANBU but it's worth asking for the times they put baby down for a nap.

If baby has a routine and it's possible to work around it there is no harm in doing so, if there is no set routine and it's ad hoc then the answer is a clear no.

You need to have this conversation face to face and tell her what you've told us: we've gone to great lengths to keep noise to a minimum, in fact you disturb us noise wise more than we disturb you and we've never complained. I can try and be accommodating but not to the detriment of our household and if these types of requests become a habit or start to escalate we will be having another conversation.

I'm also wondering how old your house is? I've lived in houses and flats and at no time has another person's hoovering bothered me or my kids.

Maybe suggest they take him out for a stroll in his pushchair as fresh air is a great way to send him to sleep and by the time they get back your hoovering will be done. No saying sorry . They are being inconsiderate not you.

I live alone now no young kids either. Very quiet neighbourhood.

Anyway, new neighbours moved in with a three month old and a 2.5 yr old just after Christmas. Lovely to see since all the rest of the gang around here are retired like myself! Although I retired young and do consultancy WFH.

Anyways, I called in after a week or so to introduce myself and during the convo I asked when they found the best time for the kids naps were. Told 2pm -3pm for the older one, the younger one any time of the day lol.

So I made sure to limit any mad music or TV or hoovering or whatnot around that time. The funniest thing was, when I was sitting the garden at nap time the toddler was waving like mad from her room at me and didn't sleep at all. So bloody cute.

I wouldn't get mad at all, not worth it. Have a chat and find out what time they try to get toddler down and work around it. We have enough troubles these days don't we. But their attitude is a bit frazzled for sure!0

Maybe suggest they take him out for a stroll in his pushchair as fresh air is a great way to send him to sleep and by the time they get back your hoovering will be done. No saying sorry . They are being inconsiderate not you

Yes, if they are struggling this is a good suggestion for anybody. However, I don't get why anybody has to stop doing their housework at a normal time of the day.

You're not being unreasonable. But, just maybe, neither is she. Ever been at your wits end with a child? It's nearly settled and then... Something starts which is a perfectly reasonable activity, but would they mind, as a personal favour, not doing it just NOW!

If this is a one-off, cut her some slack?

YADNU. They are taking the mick. So what if their DC has to have nap later. Why can't they take DC out in the pram if the want him or her to sleep? It's not as though you are vacuuming at 3am! I'd send an assertive text explaining you will be doing housework when you need to. Explain you are quiet and considerate. If she doesn't get the message block her number. Two and a half is quite old to be having a rigid nap time.

Pretend that you had your phone on silent...put on headphones and do the hoover dance ignoring all other noises.
They've got to be 1st time parents if you get on well give them a little leeway if you are feeling kind (eg... I'll give it an hour or so but then I've just got to get it done). They're not doing themselves any favours though complete silence is hard to maintain.

YANBU, I have a baby who is a bad sleeper who is frequently woken by noises from outside, neighbours, husband etc. Unfortunately that is urban living, if they don’t like it they should move!!

I hoover when I'm putting my own down!

They are being entitled and awful - ignore them and smile sweetly when you see them and give a jolly hello.

You work full time, I know she has a toddler but she can’t dictate to you when you are doing your housework? Bloody cheek! Honestly some people and don’t be apologetic.... you are being far too nice....

Hey hun?

Puke.

Block her on everything. If she wants to contact you, she can write a letter.

I'd reply 'oh really? We usually hear him having a meltdown when you do that'!!

I would reply next time "vacuuming or any white noise can work a treat for trying to get babies to sleep. I'll tell you what, I'll leave it on for a bit longer for you."

Babies love white noise!

Yes - Hey Hun.

Ignore ignore ignore

Hate that.

I can't believe some of the ignorant responses on here considering the neighbours afternoon / evening / night may be ruined. Personally I'd have had the bath first and then hoovered just to be considerate. Would it have been hard to have a bath in an un hoovered house?