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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour asked me to be quiet

283 replies

DBML · 26/09/2020 13:51

Good afternoon!

My husband and I work full time. My son is 15 and never plays loud games or music. We bought him earphones many years ago so as not to disturb us, let alone neighbours. We are a quiet family; no parties; no late TV; no pets; nothing.

Anyway, next door (SAHM) have a two and a half year old and I understand how difficult that is, but I am getting a little pissed off. We hear the baby crying, sometimes screaming with a little tantrum and ignore...all very normal, no harm done.

But, I put the vacuum on on a Saturday to Hoover around and I get a text asking me if I can turn it off as they are trying to put the baby down for a nap and he won’t go.

Today, I’ve just almost finished my big clean of the week (as I said, I work full time) the vacuum is on at 1.30pm for less than a minute when I get the text.

‘Hey hun - were trying to get ** off to sleep. Can you do the vacuuming some other time?’

I want to say ‘actually, no I can’t. I’m doing my housework now’.

Would I be unreasonable to just start the vacuum up now and finish the job?

OP posts:
percheron67 · 26/09/2020 18:01

Vacuum away. If anyone had the temerity to address me as "hun" I would vacuum for longer.

YoTheGinPussyOnThigh · 26/09/2020 18:05

Anyone who sent me a message starting Hey Hun would be ignored on principle

nicknamehelp · 26/09/2020 18:06

This type of message would make me Hoover for longer 😂 at that age naps are not essential.

Redcups64 · 26/09/2020 18:08

Ignore, if you get pulled up for it when bumping into them do not say the word ‘sorry’ just don’t do that!

Just reply, I need to clean my house-end of sentence.

MtnGal2025 · 26/09/2020 18:25

Nothing wrong with being passive aggressive, especially if it helps avoid confrontation.

WendyE · 26/09/2020 18:43

@Notgoingonholiday

100% ignore, they can't dictate when you do hoovering!
Exactly this. Your neighbour is being totally precious and I wouldn't stand for it.
Heatherjayne1972 · 26/09/2020 18:57

Firstly how have they got your number. I’ve never given my number to a neighbour

Secondly hoover away you can hoover all you like in the daytime - if it was 11pm next door would have a point

Unfortunately none of us are silent They don’t get to dictate what you do and when- were all allowed to make reasonable noises

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 26/09/2020 19:01

Good firm reply. Hopefully that’s told her.

I think in exceptional circumstances like kids had the flu and hasn’t slept a wink and we’re all pure desperate a text wouldn’t be awful, I’d probably accommodate as a one off.

I’m so glad we never tiptoed around DS. Big noisy dog so couldn’t if we wanted to. I used to be able to hoover his room while he was napping Grin.

howrudeforme · 26/09/2020 19:22

Perfect response OP.

Frownette · 26/09/2020 19:27

I think she's confusing you with her child and issuing instructions!

That wasn't reasonable though, vacuuming isn't a long job. It'd be interesting to see how she responds.

@Heatherjayne1972 I usually swap numbers with neighbours, just in case of emergency.

Heatherjayne1972 · 26/09/2020 19:39

@frownette Is that a thing?? I’ve never even considered giving or asking for a neighbours number
Mind you I live next door to mr grumpy hermit And the family of ever changing members on the other side!! Plus I don’t think they speak English

mytimeonline · 26/09/2020 19:40

Tell them it is White noise Bear

OverTheRainbow88 · 26/09/2020 19:41

Mind you I live next door to mr grumpy hermit And the family of ever changing members on the other side!! Plus I don’t think they speak English

Maybe they just don’t want to speak to you as you come across as quite rude about them.

YoTheGinPussyOnThigh · 26/09/2020 19:51

I lived next door to a couple who took against the man living the other side of them. They were obsessed with their PFB and couldn’t bear him to make any noise whatsoever in his garden or house. They were foul to him and tried to pressurise him into moving out. He stuck it out and they moved!

saleorbouy · 26/09/2020 20:02

Just ask them when the nap time are normally throughout the day and try to avoid these times. If she can't be specific and it's a bit random then it's hardly your issue. At least with this approach you have been sympathetic to her situation and can avoid the random texts which frustrate you.

OverTheRainbow88 · 26/09/2020 20:12

@saleorbouy

Why should a neighbour child’s nap dictate OPs behaviour?

user12345796 · 26/09/2020 20:43

I do think the neighbours are asking for something they have no right to ask for. On the other hand even 20 years later I can remember the desperation and longing to have an hour of peace while my 2 year old slept and how unreasonably upset I was if I didnt get that hour. And not all babies and toddlers can be trained to sleep through anything . Just as some adults are light sleepers so are some babies. The op sounds totally reasonable and like a great neighbour but I can see the other side too. Its probably the fault of our house building in this country.

RegularHumanBartender · 26/09/2020 20:47

Just ask them when the nap time are normally throughout the day and try to avoid these times

You cannot be serious.

jomaIone · 26/09/2020 20:54

I have lived in multiple flats in a city, 2 semi detached houses and now an end terrace and have never heard anyone's hoover loud enough to wake me, a baby, or even register in my ears!!!! And I am seriously noise sensitive! Can't believe this is even a thing, nap time was the only time I ever got any hoovering done when my girl was a baby.

Juliehooligan · 26/09/2020 20:57

I hoovered whilst my baby was asleep! The sooner they get used to noise the better! I definitely wouldn’t stop doing it for a neighbours child.

saleorbouy · 26/09/2020 20:57

OverTheRainbow88
I'm not saying that OP should run her life around the neighbours child but if the nap time is only for an hour or so each afternoon then this can easily be avoided for vacuuming and make neighbourly reactions easy.
My neighbour worked nights and he let me know his schedule so that I avoided noisy taks in the garden on these days, it allowed us to live in harmony and not be at odds with some relatively easy and small lifestyle changes. It's always nice to have happy cooperative neighbours.

Rosebel · 26/09/2020 21:19

They should get their child used to noise. With all my children they were subjected to the TV, hoover, older children arguing, noise from the road from an early age as a result they sleep through pretty much anything.
You did the right thing but I'd have been tempted to ask if I could have a schedule of when I could hoover. Then again they might have taken you seriously.

ASimpleLampoon · 26/09/2020 21:20

Yanbu for hoovering at a reasonable time.... Yabvvvvu for giving your number to a neighbour.why would you do that? :)

Viviennemary · 26/09/2020 21:21

She is a total c.f.. You have every right to vacuum in the middle of the day. Text back and say sorry expecting visitors. Need to get it done.

madcatladyforever · 26/09/2020 21:28

My previous neighbour a middle aged man would start banging on my wall whenever I hoovered and he was in no matter what time of day weekend or weekday, not sure when I was supposed to ever hoover as he never left the house - can you even get a silencer for a Henry hoover?
In the end I went round there and said if he didn't stop harrassing me I'd get the police involved. That shut him up.