Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

^^To note, my children are in classes of 16 and 14 kids, respectively, they learn Spanish from kindergarten, they have their own TV station at the elementary school, the teachers are educated to at least masters level, and when you reach middle/high school, there’s a pool, tennis courts, a full athletics stadium, a drama department that is nationally regarded, a debate team that is nationally regarded. My friends in the UK are shocked that our local schools have such facilities, but I’m willing to bet that wealthier areas in the UK aren’t too dissimilar in terms of state school provisions.

I totally get why you have made the choice you have. But I feel sorry for all those parents at that school who do not have the choice you do because of financial constraints, despite many of them working and playing their part in society.

To anyone on mumsnet who argues that private education is a choice, please see this thread for evidence that it is only a choice for those who can afford it, which is the minority of people in this country.

I wish I hadn't sent mine. This year our income has dropped so much I have to consider how we're going to manage. A few years ago everything was fine.
I really want to send dc to private secondary and regret spending so much on prep as well.
Just my experience. Facilities are brilliant and I do like the school but over the course of so many years unless you can truly afford it it can be a drain!

Oh and my dc live in a bubble. That does worry me. My dc think it's hard living in the smallest 5 bed house they've ever been in...

I send mine to private prep. Local state school is ok- not awful, not wonderful. In the middle, like many schools. The school they go to really is excellent though and facilities brilliant. Small class sizes, subject teachers from year 4 onwards. It was the right choice for my children. But it might not be for your children, it is very dependent on the school options you have and the needs of your child.

I have to say that I am very glad I did choose our school, lockdown really brought it home. School had full timetable, online face to face teaching daily, teachers online during non-video contact to answer questions, work set and marked. Music lessons continued. Teachers made contact with pupils, funny videos, headmasters challenges etc. Local school...... sent a few sheets home at the start, sporadic sheets after that. I know many state schools did very well, whilst some private schools did not do so well, but I can on,y speak to my experience vs friends who live locally.

Now they are back, mine are in full swing. However, several friends who have children at the local primary say the children spend nearly half the day doing games or ‘golden time’ and teachers still ‘helping children make adjustments and assess where they are”. My friends DC who is at local state secondary is being totally let down- he diligently did all work set during lockdown. Now he’s back he is sitting in class day in day out with teachers helping those who did nothing catch up. He’s bored and being put off, now not wanting to go to school. Friend went to school- the head of year said they don’t have time to give him separate work as they are “ very busy assessing what each child has done/what they need to catch up”. Thru should know what each child did, they know who logged on to online learning and who did not, they know who handed work in for marking and who did not. It’s been weeks now, they really should have a handle on it by now. But none of that is an excuse- they can and should be able to provide differentiated work for pupils, even if it is just extension work rather than new concepts. I know several parents who are planning to switch to private. Several of local private schools have been inundated with enquiries.

Having just moved from private prep to state primary (financial necessity due to Covid damage to own business) I would advocate private every time if you can afford it. Our local school is ofsted outstanding (although that was from an inspection years ago) and my Y6 is bored out of her head covering work she did at least a year ago, no differentiation, busy, noisy classes. Awful provision during lockdown so like a PP said they have spent the last few weeks assessing and catching children up to the detriment of those who did the work. They have always had local friends through clubs so I have never seen this as a reason to send to the local state. We will pay for tutors now but I’d send them private again in the heart beat if the business recovers.

9 pages in, you probably won’t get this far!

But I would send your child to the state primary at least for a little bit, if not the whole way though primary, so they can make local friends. I didn’t go to private school, but the people I know who did say that the worst thing about it was having no local friends.

Private all the way. My children have both been privately educated and we certainty don't regret it at all.
Small class sizes
Teachers have more time to nurture, explain and encourage.
More opportunities
Often better facilities
However, you need to make sure it's a good private school

@AbitSceptical

No.

I can afford it but don't send my kids to private school. The state schools round here are excellent and it is better for everyone if we support them. Also, my kids will mix with a wider range of people from different backgrounds and it will help them understand that they are privileged and not take money for granted.

I would consider private education if the state schools were really bad, though.

This.

In your situation OP I would opt for state primary. Let your children enjoy their first few years at school with local friends and without crazy pressure.

Yes I would

No. It just feels wrong to me that you can buy a ‘better’ educational experience. We could afford it. We are fortunate that our state schools are decent locally and I feel it grounds you in reality to mix with a range of people. We did watch the promo video of a local public school and the difference in facilities was stark! I wish our government properly funded state education. I also read an outcomes report and saw the massive over-representation of people who are privately educated going into top jobs - law/politics etc so the elite continue to perpetuate themselves rather than society becoming more fairly represented in these type of roles.

@BuggeredItUpAgain that’s a great thing to do and a lot of children will benefit from your donation

No

It would depend on the private school.
I sent DD to a private school, it was the worst decision I have ever made and due to the private schools actions and then their attempts to cover it up my DD attempted and very nearly succeeded in committing suicide at 9 years old. The state school with a bad ofsted that I moved her to (because it had spaces and I needed to move her quickly) bent over backwards to support her and get help in place.

The point is not all private schools are good, some will be better than state, others shouldn't even be trusted with a hamster. DDs private school parents were very loyal to the place, and I was threatened with legal action for criticising DDs school, but there were plenty of parents of children who had taken their kids out who would have quietly told me the truth had I not just assumed private was best. I would recommend asking on your local boards, maybe facebook/twitter about the specific school you are looking at.

No. It just feels wrong to me that you can buy a ‘better’ educational experience
That's how I feel, but I'd still do it depending on what school my DC got allocated. I'd sooner quit my job and home educate than send them to some of my local schools.

At secondary, my area isn't brilliant. I'd happily send DC to the school I work at because I know they'll be taught by qualified staff and have a broad curriculum with lots of SEN support if needed. I know for a fact others are offering a terrible offer and there's no way I would be happy with DC going there. I would sooner home educate and find specialist tutors than send my DC to some schools in my area. Whilst I feel uncomfortable with the idea of people being able to buy a better education and thing state should be better funded, I'd not be willing to sacrifice DC's futures and safety.

No.

I would use the local primary school so DC can make friends with other DC who live nearby then consider private schooling for secondary.
My DC went to the local primary school which was relatively small(around(12-18 pupils in each year group) then went to a private secondary school.
I would have been happy to send them to the local comprehensive school if it had a good reputation.However our local state secondary school was always ranked in the bottom 3 for the country and was in an area known for high crime and drug use.

My local primary school has mixed year classes, and the sizes are quite large.

This would be enough of a reason for me to strongly consider private. If you can afford it.

The catchment state secondary school is dire. There are no grammars around here unfortunately. This means you may need to consider private for secondary, or move to an area with better state secondaries. If moving isn’t an option, and you can’t afford both private primary and secondary, then save the money for secondary and use a tutor if necessary to get them in.

I could afford to but chose not to, as their village primary school and state secondary are both such excellent schools. If they hadn't been, I would have paid for private school for both children.

Sounds like you have a good local state school which is ( in my opinion very importantly) nearby. My DC are private but closeness to the primary school was very important. Not sure I would have chosen private primary if it was not nearby. I feel the time spent at school is long (compared to his many hours they are up) at primary. An extra commute each way really adds to it. If they are near to the school you can invite lots of children over for playdates easily.

In answer to the original question, I would have only sent DC to private schools if desperate.

We moved to where we are now when DC 1 was tiny, partly because of the really good schools.

At one point we may have had to go back to DH's home town which has very few decent schools so the cost of private schooling was factored in.

Fortunately it didn't happen.

FWIW I'd also take word of mouth recommendation with a pinch of salt. I have friends that sent their DC to the same school ; one sings its praises the other thinks it was awful. Same school, same time.

We sent our DC to private school at primary age. Eldest DC passed to Grammar School, youngest missed by 1 point stayed at private for 1 year then moved to state school. We found at primary age the education gives a very good grounding and independence. Great emphasis on music and sports. Met a broad range of people through their out of school hobbies and activities

I personally wouldn't becasue I think children that go to a 'nice' school with only 'nice' people are in for a rude awakening when they get into the real world and find that people can be rough and intimidating and don't know how to handle that. I also want my daughter to understand that people's personal circumstances can be widely different and know how to relate to people from all sorts of backgrounds and who may have faced challenges. I'd rather send her to a good school with a mixed intake and supplement with private tuition and my help where I can if she needs a grade boost. I'll also encourage hobbies outside of school.

I totally appreciate why people would send their kids to private school though and don't judge that decision at all. I think a classroom full of kids who want to learn is really appealing - that's just my personal take on it.

We could afford private, but DC are in state for primary. It’s an excellent school with small classes, lots of resources, and a lovely peer group. I think the children benefit from feeling connected to their immediate community and from the diversity of pupils at school. They are also happier for living within walking distance of school instead of having to sit in traffic every morning. We are using the money we would have spent on tuition on other enriching things (extracurriculars, cultural experiences, family holidays to visit interesting places or to spend time skiing together, etc) and on savings for the later years, when I think private school would likely make more of a difference (both academically and in terms of the social capital it affords).

If we did not live near a good state school or if our children were struggling academically, we might think differently. However, I think state can be a preferable option to private in the younger years if the conditions are right.

Private really depends on the type of child - there are some children just not suitable abs might work against them.

No way, but all our schools are really good. I perhaps would think differently if I lived somewhere with bad schools.