Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

‘ What you are paying for a private school is the chance to mix with a higher class of cunt.’

Perhaps, but there seems to be an awful lot more of them... found myself defending a family holiday to my home country with one arse of a mother who was ‘simply baffled’ about why we didn’t consider Sri Lanka instead that half term which her kids ‘adored’ and got so much out of, after she recommended it . Apparently if we keep taking our kids on pedestrian European holidays they miss out on soooooo much of the world.
Whatevs, love. I’d rather the kids see their grandparents than dive with sharks etc.

Define “failing”. The subtext of lots of this knee-jerking is “I don’t want my child mixing with the riff-raff. I will use my wealth to make sure they don’t.”
One school in my area I was assaulted and verbally abused by students and their parents felt it was right to blame me. There's long term poor performance in that school, despite several changes of leadership and several changes of academy chain. I wouldn't be sending my children there. Why would I send my children to a school where most students get inadequate qualifications and I don't feel happy that they'd be safe at school?

As a teacher I'd like to see education and services around families properly funded so all children get a great education. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of a two tier system, but then a two tier system exists within the state sector too. That's why houses near better schools cost more.

Whilst some people may take the admirable stance and say they'd send their child to a crap school because they're uncomfortable with people paying for a better school, I'd not be willing to sacrifice my DC's future over it.

I wouldn't for primary as I think local state primaries are a good way for children to become part of their local community, but for secondary I would absolutely go private.

I can afford to, and no I didn't. We have Good and Outstanding high schools here that cater to a mix of children. My kids will be raised with all kinds of people and all kinds of students, not just boring poshos.

I love all these “ we could easily afford to but don’t” because it’s usually from people who’s dc go to a good or excellent State school.
How many people who could afford it but don’t would make the same choice if their only Secondary option was in Special measures and was just generally dire?
Tempest you don’t want Your children being raised with “boring poshos” don’t really know what those are but would you take them over sending your DC to an awful school?
We aren’t all privileged enough to have access to Good and Outstanding State schools and in many cases moving closer to one is more expensive than paying for Private school.

@Hoppinggreen it’s true it’s easier to stick to your principles when you have good state options. It’s just so shortsighted that we live in an affluent society in 2020 and state education is a lottery. Our schools wouldn’t have a lack of resources or large class sizes if they were better funded. Unfortunately the children who end up with the worst of this school experience don’t have any choice as their parents can’t afford to send them elsewhere. No child should experience a ‘dire’ school.

We wouldn’t send our DD to a private school, because I like her to have contact with people from all walks of life and economic positions and her school is pretty decent. If I only had an awful school nearby and didn’t want to move I might consider it if I had the money.
I have quite a long term view of education and if she fails her A levels she can resit them. If she wants to work for a few years before going to college she can do that to. I want her to make her own choices in life, and for her achievements to be down to her own efforts.
You don’t have to have achieved everything by 21.
I do have friends who do go private and that’s up to them, but not for us.

^I love all these “ we could easily afford to but don’t” because it’s usually from people who’s dc go to a good or excellent State school.
How many people who could afford it but don’t would make the same choice if their only Secondary option was in Special measures and was just generally dire?^

This would include me. We're lucky that DS is in a very decent state school. If the only state option were diabolical, we'd hold our noses and go private. I don't think that would be right or fair - I think private schooling is a driver of inequality - but I don't see why DS should suffer for our principles.

@Hoppinggreen especially since in many areas of the country you only have access to good or excellent state schools if you are truly minted. Private schools are full of people who can’t afford the excellent state schools due to the insane house prices in catchment areas.
People who can’t afford private are very often not able to afford excellent state schools either, and that is wrong on so many levels. But it leaves the very, very well off free to brag that they would never send their kids to private school ...

@Heffersclub

Also, some of the parents at the private schools... bloodly hell. Our kids play a sport that means they’re with a lot of upper MC/ privately educated children and the parents are just the kind of people you’d want to avoid - privileged, entitled and brimming with overconfidence. At the last tournament, where parents help score, we had a major issue with one of the posh dads cheating on the scoring in favour of his kid. They’re 7 FFS. 7, and that parent is going to cheat and elbow his way in front of that brat all through life if he can.

It’s very poor form to keep score at your own child’s game.

No I wouldn't. They can get a perfectly good state education. Plus real life experience and appreciation for people from all walks of life. I genuinely don't know why people would want their children only to mix with the elite or privileged, I'd much rather my child be humble and more socially aware.

I guess because live it well life comes in all forms.
Money can only insulate you agaisnt so much. We forget the truly privileged are those that have a stable roof over their head, a mother and father who dote on them and love them, peace, calm... Food and access to a reasonable eduction.

People don't know what privilege is most of the time or what deprivation is. It's really sad.

They know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Yes especially for secondary

We haven't. I know parents where the school fees have been worth every penny, and parents where it just hasn't. As DD has always been very happy at local village primary school, never felt the need to move her. Also whilst we can afford private, it's not without some sacrifice.

P. S. I went to local primary school, and private for secondary. I was badly bullied at both the private schools I attended. This may have tarred my view in thinking private education is the dog's bollocks of education.

If I could afford it I would. What happens if you have a second?

I always thought not but we have a good primary and a good secondary lined up. We also don’t have enough disposable income after we’d pay fees to keep up and afford all the extras and I wouldn’t want dc to be the children at the lower end socially (in terms of being able to attend school trips etc). But my youngest DC is very bright and I don’t think they have been challenged at all at school so far. Youngest can do siblings work 2 years above and that DC is also one of the brightest in his year. I think private would definitely help him to thrive in that way

I’ve done a search of the independent school on here, and there’s a mixed bag of responses, so that’s also thrown me a bit. With some saying it is not the most academic and students that aren’t particularly sporty are overlooked. So that’s definitely given me something to think about.

There does seem to be a huge amount of enrichment opportunities at the independent school, starting from reception onwards. But also, I suppose there’s no guarantee that the classes are going to be particularly small.

I did say in a previous post that the local village school, has mixed year classes so they tended to be bigger, but is that such a bad thing?

Judging by what I’ve researched so far, the independent school does seem to be very nurturing, and the pastoral care also appears to be excellent. But then, it’s a 20 minute drive to get there, Whereas the local primary is less than a 5 minute walk.

I’m really torn. I do have the open morning next week, so can try to get a feel and ask some questions. It’s a shame that the village primary are not offering tours at the moment, which I totally get of course.

The experiences on here are of the senior school, not the pre prep though.

Depends on child, school and family circumstances (e.g. location, likelihood to relocate etc). If it stacked up then yes, I would for the educational opportunities etc. I would however be very careful re ensuring my DC spent time with a broad range of people

This was us some years ago. Despite having several 'Outstanding' schools in our area, I was concerned about the lack of funding for state schools and the inevitable cutbacks I knew were happening. Although our own background is State, a friend recommended a well renowned indy. We took a look and fell in love with it and got our DC on the waiting list.

We have been both impressed and disappointed in equal measure. Impressed with the quality of resources in all curricular areas; but disappointed with the academic side, where the quality of teaching is no better than State and sometimes has been weaker. (I say this as a former teacher.) There have been other things that have been disappointing too.

In hindsight, I saw what I wanted to see and placed the school on a pedestal. Most parents, who have come from an indy background themselves, just see it as sending their children to school. They don't compare with state because they're barely aware that state schools exist.

I don't know what route we'd have gone down had I known all this in the first place. I just wish we'd gone in with our eyes wider open.

I wouldn't say mixed year classes are necessarily a bad thing, no Diadora but again, it depends very much on the individual school, and the child. My children thrived in a school with that system and I thought it was a brilliant way of teaching, but there is a poster upthread with pretty much polar opposite views to mine. I'm sure we are both telling the truth, but we've had different experiences with different people. In my experience it is often the human beings that are the deciding factor in how well anything works.
I would suggest trying to talk to as many current or recent parents in both schools and ask them to be as specific as possible about what they like and dislike about them. General comments about how "good" somewhere is aren't really helpful. There is an "Outstanding" primary school in our locality that some parents would probably knife each other for places in (lots certainly pay a high premium for houses in catchment) but personally I wouldn't have sent my children there if they had been paying me - the ethos just doesn't align with our family values, whatever the SATS results. Likewise, on this thread people have stated some things as advantages of private education that were precisely the reasons why we moved our children out of an independent school. A lot of it is about individual circumstances and perceptions. We don't all want the same things.
Of course it can be hard to know exactly what is going to suit your child at this stage, especially when you've never made this decision before, but try to be as specific in your questioning as you can be. Or try asking as many people as possible something like "What would you say are the 3 greatest strengths and 3 biggest weaknesses of this school?" and see how the answers resonate with you.

No. I'd rather give them the equivalent of a house/cash when they're older.
I know a few different people (all male, strangely) who attended excellent private schools. They are all working minimum wage jobs, have no further education and nothing to show for the hundreds of thousand pounds spent on them.
It doesn't automatically mean your child will do well in life.
I'm not educated enough or arsed enough to put the huge amount of effort in to bring my child to the expected standards.... He's pretty average all round and I'd cry at the waste of money

We've got excellent local schools, no idea why any local parent would choose private but that's up to them.

If it was different and I thought my son would be happier in a private school I'd definitely look into it.

We actually did the opposite of what most do. In Year 5 we moved from an affluent area where he attended an outstanding school to a very working class estate with a requires improvement school.... He absolutely thrived in the new school, they were incredible!!!! And it's walking distance (most kids walk on their own from yr 3/4).

Every child thrives in different circumstances.
Best of luck, have a good look around and decide what is best for you x