Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

@Moutarde in my limited experience everyone is there to learn and generally does what they’re told. Never came across anything like this at any school I went to.

I wouldn’t pay for a local independent school- often they’re no better than any local state school, unless DS is bullied in future at state school, or his state school goes downhill, then in that case all options would be on the table.

It’s different if you’re talking about Winchester or Harrow etc - I would do that for DS (not that we can afford it) but DH is vehemently against private education (I am too, but it’s funny what happens to your politics when you have kids...)

In short: yes I would, but we can’t afford it, so we won’t. Even if we could afford it I don’t think DH would ever agree, unless DS turns out to be a brilliant musician etc, in which case a specialist private school might be in his best interests.

Thank you everyone for your replies. The catchment state secondary school is dire. There are no grammars around here unfortunately.

My local primary school has mixed year classes, and the sizes are quite large. As I say, it’s a few minutes walk from home, so there is the convenience of that. And it is a huge part of the local community. Can’t visit to look round due to Covid, but I’ve seen the photos on their website and it does look like a nice village school, there isn’t much outside space though, although, that’s not always a massive detriment.

It just seems that the independent school has a lot more to offer in its pastoral care, activities, facilities and learning approaches. I’ve got a tour next week so will see what it’s like in the flesh.

There’s a lot of mixed answers on here, so definitely food for thought.

@DartmoorDoughnut

If I could afford it I’d send my two (just 6 and almost 4) in an instant.

There is SO much disruption in my 6yr old’s class, he’s only in year 1 and they have children who just get up and walk out, throw chairs and other stuff and honestly he is so fed up with it all, as am I!

Perhaps it’s the teacher? Year1 and throwing chairs you should express your worries to the head of the school. This is not the norm even for state schools honestly!

I’m not surprised some people are so for private schools after how state have been sold on this thread.

Nothing of the sort goes on in DS school which is state.

I’ve heard some shockers from private school on SEN/pastoral care so I thunk it’s wrong to assume they’d be better. If you are very confident, highly intelligent and socially adjusted child they can be great but anything less then don’t be surprised if your child is asked to leave if they won’t make the grade.

No I can without any issue and don’t. I have my kids in a truly fantastic high performing comprehensive with great teaching and pastoral care who delivered a fantastic online curriculum during lockdown. My kids results have been at least on par with their friends in selective private schools. I can’t see that private would offer £150k per child added value. If my state options were poor I would in a heartbeat and did for prep when the state school went down the pan. An ability to pay buys you choice, not necessarily a need for private

As many others have said - not for primary, unless the local state schools were dire. But for secondary, yes in a heartbeat.

In your situation I think I’d try the state primary first, but that’s partly because I’d be thinking ‘I’d rather save the money for his secondary education’.

I would and I did .

Only if I absolutely have to, we’re trying to move to somewhere with better state schools, which I know is an absolute sin on here, but 🤷‍♀️. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to give your child what you perceive as the best.

@Pumpkinnose that is only true for exam mills. As a parent of a SENDs child I can assure you that the SENDs provision in the right school is outstanding (and compared to the potluck of state schools, you can actually select the right school).

Village school with mixed classes? No thanks!

We did that. DS was in a class of 32 five to seven year olds. And before anybody says you can't do that in Infants, you CAN in some circumstances.

It really wasn't very good. As it was seen as a small school, a lot of parents outside the village whose children needed extra support chose it, thinking (wrongly) that they would get more attention. There is no economy of scale in small settings, so no getting support in for groups, no TA's with specialist skills. We moved to another primary in the next village, which had a single form entry for each year group. The difference in standards, clubs etc was huge.

f you can afford to then do it. The difference is shocking and you would be irrisponsible not to.

That’s such a lot of nonsense. You can’t put state and private in one box. They vary so much. Some state schools are as you describe. Others are academically like less frilly private schools: my kids school has published their A level results on their website which names over 30 children who gained at least AAA at A level. It doesn’t even mention the kids who got 3xA because the list would be too long! 90% of a level results are A-B.

That tells me I’m not irresponsible to send my kids privately. Granted, it’s an exceptional comprehensive but I’m not sure how shocking the difference is! The shocking thing is that in some places state schools can deliver more than many private schools and that they are not all dens of violence and destruction inhabited by unruly uninterested children

Unequivocally -YES

South westton😂😂😂😂

DD is at a local “outstanding” state primary and we’re all very happy, but the secondary schools around here aren’t the best, so we’re looking at private schools for then
She’s an only child and we could afford it, but it’d be different if she were one of 2/3/4

I can't afford to, but I do. Worth every penny.

If I could afford it I would. If it meant scrimp and scrape and do without then I wouldn't. And only if SO could carry on right through secondary as well.But I'd prefer to move to an area which had very good schools. Which we did.

There is SO much disruption in my 6yr old’s class
TBH we chose DS' state secondary partly because it is the one locally with the reputation for a ferocious discipline policy. Early days (he is Y7) but he is thriving and happy because the classes are calm and orderly, unlike his primary which, even though in an affluent part of town, was a boy rubbish in this respect.

*bit

Village primary then independent from Year 7 - much more of a risk of them falling in with a tricky crowd at secondary.

I haven't read the full thread as I know how these types of threads go on MN.

Of course I would send my kids private if I could afford it. I was a bright kid in a sink comp and spent many years of young adulthood clawing back the self confidence that my school sapped from me. Honestly, it was the direst experience and I cringe at how dramatic that sounds. Thankfully I have gained that self confidence back and am successful and doing well at age 40 but really how is that fair? I do not expect mumsnet to understand this but I wish that we could break this ridiculously unfair system.

@Pinkdelight3

Five min walk to a good local primary is a no brainer. Private school will always be there for secondary or if for some reason things don't work out sooner. But being able to walk to school and have local school friends far outweighs driving everyday and sporty facilities at this formative stage. I'm sure facilities at the local school are perfectly fine.

exactly this!

Nope. Household income is in the millions of dollars, but our local public schools (US) are outstanding with excellent facilities. It wouldn’t make any sense to go private.

We have dd in an excellent free school. If I won the lottery I would not move her, even though there is a very nice private school where she occasionally attends summer programs that we like very much. However, if her current school was not meeting her needs we would send her to the private school even though it would stretch our finances.

We've gone private because the state provision is atrocious only 50% achieving a-c gcse no outstandings or goods. Our county is the one on the news with the least social
Mobility and the highest levels of illiteracy and not much has changed in the 25 years since I was at school

Because of this you have to be hot on at the indie prep rep or they slip on their laurels

We'll see what the future brings

It's a huge stretch financially