Would you send your child to private school if you could afford to?

[Diadora30]

A bit of a dilemma, my DS is due to start school next year, we live in a small village in the south west and the local primary is a 5 minute walk. It is rated as a ‘good’ school by Ofsted (I know ofsted reports are not the be all and end all).

In the next town there is an independent school with a pre prep, prep and senior school. It has amazing facilities and I’ve heard really good things about the teaching, there’s smaller class sizes and the pastoral care is meant to be excellent. It would be a 15-20 min drive to get there.

It would cost about 8% of our income for the next 3 years, and then slightly more as he progressed to higher years.

I don’t know why, but I feel torn. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Does it make a difference in the long term? Is it worth sending him to our village primary and then paying for some extra curricular activities instead?

He’s very energetic and loves all sports and the independent school is very sports based.

I've never understood the local friend argument.
Having been to both it was far more interesting as a dc to go all over local ish area for play dates and to meet friends and of course as dc get older and start to socialise their groups are also all over...

I do not understand the argument to have local friends at all.
Op I'm not very good with maths, is 8% good or bad for monthly income?
Sounds like it's a fabulous school with facilities, I would without a doubt think.. If this was your dp making that descion what would you do?
What choice would you want them to make?

Before having dc I would have said no, as I believe the world would be a better place if dc were all educated together.

Now I have dc I have to say I might consider it if I didnt have decent state schools available.

There is a lot going for going to a local school though in terms of opportunities with friends.

Buggered, are you able to fund uni outright for your dc or any further education?. Stage school, extra tuition.

I can't imagine passing money over where I can't see where it's going.
Our school have spent money on utterly ridiculous things.

DS did state until 8 when needed more. DD stayed at State until 11 because she was fine there (had a disastrous 2 years at a state cofe holy grail secondary).

Depends on the children, the school your finances and their in-year cohort. An example. At primary DS was far and away the cleverest boy and got completely bored; dd was far and away not the cleverest girl although achieved well and always on one of the top two tables but not the top top one iyswim.

Of his primary class DS was the only one who went to Oxbridge or to do medicine; of DD’s cohort 10 of them went to Oxbridge or to do medicine, including DD.

DD was always a little bit heartbroken that she was never top or the best at primary. DS was a little bit heartbroken he was no longer top at his independent. Mine both powered into their own in 6th form.

No I wouldn't (but I say this from a privileged position of having moved near a high achieving, lovely state school) because:

a) I've known soooo many people who have had to take their kids out of private school half way through their education because of unforeseen money problems (redundancy, divorce, Covid) and that is not a good thing for the kid

b) I didn't want my children to be the poor rellies like I was at school, there's a lot of keeping up with the Joneses and 'where do you ski?'

c) I believe in state education even though it's been battered by cuts

No.

I can afford it but don't send my kids to private school. The state schools round here are excellent and it is better for everyone if we support them. Also, my kids will mix with a wider range of people from different backgrounds and it will help them understand that they are privileged and not take money for granted.

I would consider private education if the state schools were really bad, though.

No for the same reasons as poster above me.

We can just about afford it but sacrifice nice holidays and new cars to do so. It's five minutes from home and a very gentle school with good ethos.
We are involved locally in clubs so she has local friends too.

If it's a decent local primary, I would use that. Look again in advance of secondary.

We sent our DCs private for secondary for many reasons, but were happy with state primary.

I think some private primaries can be too small. Lack of social opportunity, too small a pool of potential friends can be an issue.

I am also not keen on 3-18 schools. What suits a child at 3 won't necessarily be right at other stages of their life. Also not all through schools are actually that - many quietly filter out the less academic at each stage. I also think it keeps the children in a very limited, restrictive bubble with no experience of anything different.

I suppose you need to look and see which school would work best for each child at each stage. If you can ignore the fee issue, you simply have a wider choice to pick from. Private isn't necessarily better, and may not be the best for an individual child.

B) questions like that maybe asked but I've never known anyone to actually like or get on or form friends at 11 based on where they ski 😂⛷️🎿

I can afford to but choose not to. I’d like my children to grow up not thinking that ski holidays and ponies are normal for everyone. I’d like them to have friends from a range of races and backgrounds and learn that they are just people like everyone else. I want them to have first hand experience of children growing up in flats and teeny houses and council houses and that’s normal too. Around here our private schools are all wealthy and white.

deflation yes, left plenty of money for extras and uni.

100% yes

I think there is a lot to be said for kids becoming firmly embedded in their local community through attending local schools. My DH and I both attended private schools that were far from where we lived. We both felt being close to school friends was a very important consideration when choosing schools for our DC.

We were offered a place at private prep for this year but decided against it, not for financial reasons. The state school our child got into is actually better for us as the class sizes are actually smaller (less than 15), and it is a bit closer to home. There’s a lovely community that goes with the school too, it’s just lovely.

What actually decided it for me was seeing two schoolchildren riding their bikes home from school together and I thought that if our child went to the private school she’d never have local friends she’d be able to ride home with. It made me feel quite sad and friendships and social circles, especially in their secondary years, are so important.

We had a good state primary nearby so mine went to that. We then switched to private at secondary as the local comp was huge.

No regrets at all. Both DC loved their time at school. We deliberately didn't choose fancy ones and most ( not all!) the parents were ordinary people. It was a bit odd to have some DC of household names round for tea though!

Also, interestingly, we considered private for secondary but chose state. I wasn't always sure that this was the right decision. However, my dc has just started at 6th form college. The transition has been much easier for them than for a privately educated friend who seems to be finding it a massive culture shock.

Not unless they had SEN and private school was the best way to meet their needs.
Otherwise no private, no grammar and no religious schools.
My parents wanted me to go to private school and I refused.

I went to private school all the way through. DS is currently in a lovely state primary school but if we could afford it I’d love to send him to private secondary school however we’ve done our maths and can’t make the numbers work. If anything changes in the next 2 years though we’ll definitely reconsider.

100% yes. The schools around here are crap to say the least, I worry for my dc’s future and wish I had had the money to sent them to private school. When I was young my dad had enough money to send me to private school but didn’t feel it was necessary. His business partner sent his three children privately and they have had so many richer opportunities than my sister and I.

I'd never be in a position to afford it but I don't think I would if there was a good enough state secondary nearby.

Our view is that state primaries are a better idea for social reasons. Kid's need to learn what the world is actually like when they're young, and learn to get along with a big range of people and cultures, and to understand that not everybody has a big house with lots of toys. The kids I knew who had always been to private school just seemed really naive and thoughtless.

Also, sorry about the stupid apostrophes. I blame Google.

First DS went to local primary, because we wanted To stay within local community, then secondary school. We moved him after the first year because of concerns over bullying and poor behaviour In the class which weren’t addressed. DS was saying first 20 mins of each lesson was involved in trying to settle the class. There was some bullying at the private school, which was acknowledged and robustly dealt with.

Mine are grown up now, but yes, I would send them if I had the money. They started at a private prep but didn't stay because our circumstances changed and we couldn't afford it, especially at senior level. I so wish it had been different.

I now work in private schools (not teaching) and remain convinced they are better in terms of time given to children, atmosphere, attitudes, facilities, approach and so on....