To let 3 year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend?

[GoldBar]

Would you let your three year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend while you read upstairs in bed? With the video monitor on to keep an eye and some cereal and milk?

Nah. And I’m not a helicopter parent by any stretch of the imagination.

If you were babysitting someone else’s 3 yr old, would you stick a monitor on and go and have coffee upstairs in bed? I wouldn’t. It would seem quite slack. So, I wouldn’t do it with my own child either.

Even the most sensible 3 yr old is still only three. Too young to be left half-supervised.

Just take your book downstairs to the sofa

@boomboomg and @ParisianLady glad I’m not on my own! I know I’m very relaxed (neglectful 🙄), but I know my children. I also know that parents who don’t teach their children basic skills like managing stairs by the age of 3 aren’t doing them any favours in the long run.

Definitely not. Why don’t you just get up and read on sofa?!!

Should clarify, we live in a small house. Downstairs, it's just the kitchen with table and living room. Upstairs, just bedrooms and bathroom. We have a stairgate over the kitchen so DC can't get in there. Our house is baby-proofed. We got rid of our tall bookcases when DC started crawling and all our ornaments and dangerous stuff were boxed and put in the loft or garage. No furniture that's not built in, really, and TV is wall-mounted.

Actually, I don't leave DC downstairs when I'm having a shower. They play upstairs with the stairgate shut.

Why don’t you just get up and read on sofa

Much more relaxing having a nice cup of coffee in bed and watching DC play on the monitor.

From age 5 up. 3 I would not trust them 🤯

From a young age, DD has played on her own in the mornings while I'm waking up slowly, but I've always kept her upstairs so she'll play in her room or in the spare room or in my bedroom.

I do like to have her on same floor as me though if I'm dozing or in the shower.

The rest of the day DD (3) can go up and downstairs freely and certainly without me hovering over her. She's upstairs getting dressed and playing now while I've been downstairs doing some work.

Mine used to do this, make cereal and then put the tv on. I did and still do have the world's most sensible child.

No way. It's different from leaving a baby in cot with baby monitor. 3 years old can move.

Yeah we did it from around 2.5 years old. He went downstairs to play room and husband put telly on for him, put his breakfast out. I was usually feeding baby and then toddler used to shout to me that netflix was over.

We had set rules for what he wasn't allowed to touch but he just played with his lego

I have a 3.5 year old. First thing in the morning they want someone there with them (and atm we never know what mood we will be dealing with!). Mid morning we are basically surplus to requirements, and are ignored unless food or drink is required, so I can sit and play on my phone/read/stitch.
After lunch its a downward spiral until they become a limpet 🤷‍♀️
The worst thing i can do if I want to have some space is try to do a job. Apparently I need close supervision and support at all times.
I have no issue with them being on a different floor to me, or going down on their own in the mornings. However I worry about quiet, and the state of my house if left too long. So its common for me to have an extra 5-10 mins doze/stay in bed. After that I need to be with them to prevent corn flake mountain forming, or (my favourite) washing powder snow.

On the stairs issue, when we moved in my assessment was it was safer to teach my toddler to manage stairs than it was to have a stair gate because of how to stairs are laid out it was really dangerous for my 3 year old who could have very easily tripped over the bar at the bottom and fallen. Risk assessing. It’s a skill.

They do retractable fabric stairgates now so there's no bottom bar on them, if that helps?

I've been umming and aahing on the stairgate issue. They're technically not supposed to be used on stairs anyway, both because of the bottom bar creating a trip hazard and because if the kid climbs over one at the top of the stairs it's far more dangerous than just falling down the stairs the regular way would be. They're supposed to go along the landing somewhere or be affixed to the kid's bedroom doorway. Mine was 2 over the summer and does climb the stairs safely. At the moment she has an adult behind her going up and an adult in front of her going down, but I have been wondering when the best age is to just let her get on with it herself.

Absolutely not 3 Is far too young.

Goldbar I think you know your own child, and you know the layout of your house. You also know whether for you an hour or so is 45 minutes or 2.5 hours.

Some 3 year olds play quietly in their rooms anyway when they wake up, some literally can't be left alone for a second. Sometimes these children are in the same family.

I suspect however, the fact that you are asking about this on MN means that you are worried, so in those circumstances I'd just sit on the sofa. Always good for a child to see you reading.

To the PP who said the difference between allowing a 6 year old to slowly gain independence, it’s too late by then, they’re already used to the ‘capable’ adults doing everything for them and have already learnt that they’re not capable and can’t do it, because that’s what you’ve been telling them for the past 6 years.

oh come on, by making silly statement you are losing all credibility.
I honestly think over-reaction and excess EITHER WAY are ridiculous.

First of all, everybody is talking based on their own home, and might think differently if faced what other set up exist. I mean, it can be as simple as having an alarm downstairs, which the kids cannot reach at all, so they simply can't go until you get up yourself and switch it off.

Some people are working from home and wouldn't want a toddler to access and rummage through their work stuff.

Leaving a baby alone because you can't be arsed to get out of bed sounds awfully selfish and doesn't give a nice message.
Leaving your kids to be whilst you get on with things they are too young to help with, is normal.

I never had stair gates, playpens or stopped my kids from leaving their bedroom, but come on, there are still a lot of things a 6 year old is still too young to do independently

When some posters have to react in such an over-the-top manner, feels like a nerve has been touched.

[quote Kungfupanda67]**@boomboomg* and @ParisianLady* glad I’m not on my own! I know I’m very relaxed (neglectful 🙄), but I know my children. I also know that parents who don’t teach their children basic skills like managing stairs by the age of 3 aren’t doing them any favours in the long run.[/quote]
I'm with you here, our 3 year old goes around the house freely all day whilst I potter about. She knows what is and isn't safe and knows how to get me if anything happens. Like you, I agree we have to give our children independence within their realms in order to develop into dependant, mature, sensible older children / adults.
The pearl clutching on here is astounding!

To answer the OP, definitely not with food. Mine plays in her room and pops in and out of our room for an hour or so on a weekend so it's not much of an issue for us. I wouldn't leave her downstairs, because I can never guarantee that she hasn't snuck in an acorn or a pebble or some other choking hazard while with the nanny that I've failed to spot and remove. She doesn't generally put things in her mouth, except the other day I saw her do it for the first time in over a year. Kids are a tad unpredictable. As are people in general- think about how often you do something that's out of character for you.

but I have been wondering when the best age is to just let her get on with it herself.

My view has always be to picture what would happened if I suddenly get sick: D&V or other. Kids wouldn't be locked anywhere, so the house had to be ready for them on their own.

I preferred letting them practice the stairs from the start, with us around, than experimenting the day I was busy somewhere else! It worked. But I do know of children who had bad falls, so you can see if yours try to walk down or get the crawling up and down immediately.

I also know that parents who don’t teach their children basic skills like managing stairs

I have 4 kids, I actually didn't do any teaching about the stairs whatsoever. Just stayed behind to see how they'd take them, they figured it out on their own!

3 is too young, I let my kids do this from about 5 or 6. At ages 3 if they got up super early they would get into bed between me & DH and we would have tv on quietly whilst we dozed or read. When they were a older they would either play quietly in their room or go down and watch tv, get a drink and cereal or brioche on their own.
I’m flabbergasted someone allows a 20m old to get up & down stairs and play on their own downstairs whilst their in bed.

no

@SantaClaritaDiet Oh, she's well capable of doing it herself- we don't hold her hand or anything now. She's been holding the banister and walking up and downstairs since she was about 18 months old (she's tall for her age), though we did a fair bit of hovering when she was that small. Now we just walk behind her if she's going up and in front of her if going down (more chance to catch her if she falls). She did manage to get to the bottom of the stairs in front of me the other day because I forgot to shut the landing stairgate and she just went for it ahead of me, so I was following behind her instead of leading in front. And at that point I did start to wonder when I should allow her free rein on the stairs.

I wouldn’t have a problem generally but I wouldn’t have them eating.

I can’t believe all these people saying no? Mine gets up, helps himself to a glass of milk from the fridge, helps himself to fruit and cereal bars and puts bing on the telly 😳