To let 3 year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend?

[GoldBar]

Would you let your three year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend while you read upstairs in bed? With the video monitor on to keep an eye and some cereal and milk?

I never had stair gates either. Actually, I lie, I bought some for the dogs. Never put any for my kids, sounds much too dangerous and it was easier for us to teach them to use stairs safely - not that you need to teach them anything, they just crawl up and down when they are little!

No, I think 3 is too young! I have a three year old and I would maybe let him play in his room as everything is safe and we have a stair gate across the door but I also would be up and pottering about, (E.g. cleaning the bathroom which is next to his room) I wouldn’t stay in bed incase I fell asleep!

I would/did, in a child safe room. Never let them eat though, choking risk too big, and they do need to be within (video) ear shot.

No might as well lie on the sofa and read

My elder DS would go downstairs alone when he woke up, definitely by age 3.5 at least. I showed him how to find On Demand and he would find Octonauts himself. It actually set him on his way reading as he learned to recognise the titles of the various episodes. He just wouldn’t have got into mischief as he was too keen to grab some screen time!
All my DC have always happily spent time alone in the mornings and it’s often been the youngest up first.
I think provided they’re past the age of randomly putting stuff in mouths or climbing up things, it’s fine.

No way. Almost 4 year old twins here, I only leave them alone for as long as it takes for me to visit the toilet / brush teeth etc. I shudder to think what they'd get up to. One went through a phase of examining the back of the TV. Not a chance.

@Badbanana you haven’t answered why you think it’s different for us to drink coffee in bed or sat on the sofa? I’m now sat on the sofa and my daughter is in the playroom - I can hear her, but not see her, the same as when I was in bed. We’re not feckless parents, we’re good parents who do the best we can for our children. I just disagree that the best we can do is following them around all the time. My daughter wants to play with her big brothers, she doesn’t need or want us hovering over her.

I let them play in their childproof bedroom if they wake early for half hour or so if I can't be arsed to get out of bed yet but I can hear them and it's safe. Our downstairs has too many hazards.

Nope

@Badbanana oh and my point about working with teenagers is that we often have to help them develop the skill of taking risks and trying to do things themselves - so many teenagers aren’t developing this skill when they’re young, it’s really worrying.

@FuckHim

I am appalled at a 20 month old climbing up and down stairs unsupervised though! DS is 3 and knows he has to wait for an adult to follow him before going up or down.

You genuinely don't let your 3yr old go up or down stairs unaccompanied?

At what age will he be allowed to do that?

[quote Kungfupanda67]@Badbanana you haven’t answered why you think it’s different for us to drink coffee in bed or sat on the sofa? I’m now sat on the sofa and my daughter is in the playroom - I can hear her, but not see her, the same as when I was in bed. We’re not feckless parents, we’re good parents who do the best we can for our children. I just disagree that the best we can do is following them around all the time. My daughter wants to play with her big brothers, she doesn’t need or want us hovering over her.[/quote]
Because my main issue with your ‘parenting’ is leaving a 20 month old to go up and down the stairs at will, when you are already awake according to you and it would take barely any effort to supervise her properly.

I could ask why both adults choose to drink coffee in bed for some reason rather than downstairs where your baby is? What is the difference?

My DC get themselves up and have done for a few years, they walk to school, they get themselves prepared. They are 11 & 13, but when they were 20 months I got up with them, it’s not helicoptering it’s just basic parenting 😂 No ‘snowflakes’ here.

[quote Kungfupanda67]@Badbanana oh and my point about working with teenagers is that we often have to help them develop the skill of taking risks and trying to do things themselves - so many teenagers aren’t developing this skill when they’re young, it’s really worrying.[/quote]
I’m worried that you don’t seem to see the difference between teaching a say, six year old, to slowly gain independence and leaving a 20 month old baby to roam up and downstairs because you a) couldn’t be arsed to get stairgates made and b) don’t want to get out of bed.

Like anything else it depends on so many factors, whether your child will play independently or not, how sensible they are, the layout of your home, how childproof you are etc. etc.

I will happy stay in bed and let
DS play in his room until he tells me he is hungry. I wouldn’t allow him downstairs if I am upstairs as I can’t hear him properly but I am in the kitchen I’m happy for him to be in the living room as I can hear what he’s doing.

DH and I were commenting a few minutes ago that we don’t miss having to get up and make a bottle first thing.

Mine does but with older siblings so a bit different. No baby monitor though.

@Badbanana it’s a bit cold, we’ve both had a long week, and we’ve got no curtains in our lounge at the moment so we have to get dressed to go and sit on the sofa, so we stayed in bed. Glad to know you agree there’s no difference, and while my other two children did have stair gates until they were about 2, it just didn’t work for us in this house and as she was already 15 months it made more sense just to teach her how to do it.

Hmm.

When DD was 3 I did that, BUT we lived in a flat.

My 3 year old son, no way would I do it in the house we are in now. He is more prone to... misadventure

*You genuinely don't let your 3yr old go up or down stairs unaccompanied?

At what age will he be allowed to do that?*

When I’m confident he won’t do something silly. They are very steep stairs and he’s going through a jumping phase.

It’s a bit cold, we’ve both had a long week, and we’ve got no curtains in our lounge at the moment so we have to get dressed to go and sit on the sofa

Do you dress your 20 month old before she descends on her own in to this freezer environment, or is it just not good enough for you two?

Would depend how close I was and how safe the room was. I wouldn't be leaving with food as its a choking hazard. Or shelves they could climb or things they could swallow or pull down on themselves.

Did you know that studies have linked mental health issues with a lack of ability and opportunity to take risks, leading to a lack of self belief and confidence. I don’t expect you to all suddenly let your toddlers climb stairs, but consider for a minute that we haven’t always had stair gates. Not letting a 3 year old walk up the stairs is ridiculous - how do they climb ladders at the park? How do they know that they are capable?

This. Exactly this. I actually find this thread very sad.

It is why kids these days are suffering so much anxiety and mental health. We are no longer encouraging our kids to be independent and take risks and see it as a way to develop our kids into healthy minded adults.

Honestly if you think a three year old child being watched on a monitor has a high risk of death then I feel sorry for you.

I feel people have forgotten what OP said - THERE is a MONITOR. This means she can see her child?! And is upstairs? Unless she lives in a mansion where she has to take the elevator then what is the issue?

It's just....sad.

My kids have been independent on stairs from 18m or so. We haven't had a stair gate since the youngest was that age (physically impossible to gate some our stairs)

We teach them the safe way to do things, observed them doing it safely and let them get on with it.

They often play unsupervised in different parts of the house or in our garden which isn't enclosed and I can't see them in it from the house.

Whilst I know we're on the relaxed side of things I genuinely can't believe that you don't let a 3yr old go up or down unaccompanied. Mind boggling for me.

I guess we all have our own perception of risk.

@Badbanana good god you’re very dramatic aren’t you 😂

My child was in her vest and pjs, and slipper socks. If she was cold no doubt she wouldn’t have let me know she was unhappy about something and we’d have dealt with that, because she is very secure and knows that we’re there when she needs us.

To the PP who said the difference between allowing a 6 year old to slowly gain independence, it’s too late by then, they’re already used to the ‘capable’ adults doing everything for them and have already learnt that they’re not capable and can’t do it, because that’s what you’ve been telling them for the past 6 years.

For all the ones saying no, do you have you 3 year olds with you at all times then?!
Genuinely curious as DH works long hours so I'm often cooking, cleaning, upstairs, downstairs with DD 3yrs entertaining herself in a different room. I can always hear her and shout to check she's okay but what do you consider an inappropriate amount of time to be left alone? How do you think single parents manage?

I was also surprised how many said no! My 3.5 year old plays upstairs in her room if we are downstairs, we check on her a lot of course but she plays well on her own. I don't 100% trust her but it really does depends on your child and really the absolute best thing is NEVER TO ASK THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS ON MUMSNET....

You do you (but safely 😂)