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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let 3 year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend?

439 replies

GoldBar · 26/09/2020 08:02

Would you let your three year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend while you read upstairs in bed? With the video monitor on to keep an eye and some cereal and milk?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 26/09/2020 11:59

No.

Come on, reading? Do it on the sofa!!

ZoeTurtle · 26/09/2020 11:59

Kungfupanda67 You really need to step up your parenting. Despite the bravado on this thread I really hope you're realising that.

Quackersandcheese3 · 26/09/2020 12:00

I think it’s fine to leave a 3 year old to play while you read. I personally would supervise the eating though.

lboogy · 26/09/2020 12:02

Why can't you read downstairs ? And yes YABU

LindaEllen · 26/09/2020 12:03

I'd make sure the 3yo had toys/books in their bedroom to play with, and perhaps get one of those clocks and say they're only allowed to get up properly when the light comes on, or the bunny wakes up, depending on which clock you've got.

I wouldn't want them downstairs on their own, honestly, as there's just too much that could go wrong!

yetanothernamitynamechange · 26/09/2020 12:05

I wouldn't because I wouldn't have wanted my walls re-decorated for me or the batroom turned into the lving room. However I have when tired/ill dozed on the sofa while they watched cartoons eside me.

Candyflosscookie · 26/09/2020 12:08

Cannot actually believe someone leaves a 20 month old alone from 7 until she posted at half 8 from her bed. Shock That's shocking. They have no clue about danger etc at that age and choking etc is a risk. That's not parenting.

mellowgreenspring · 26/09/2020 12:13

Really? Never even registered when my DS were able to play alone. As long as they are in a safe house what on earth is everyone so scared about?

TeddyIsaHe · 26/09/2020 12:17

@mellowgreenspring

Really? Never even registered when my DS were able to play alone. As long as they are in a safe house what on earth is everyone so scared about?
It’s not about being ‘scared’ it’s about parenting your small children.

They can choke, fall down the stairs, trip over fresh air etc in the blink of an eye. I would never forgive myself if something happened to Dd while I was getting an extra half hour in bed.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 26/09/2020 12:17

I'm pretty sure mine did - mind you we were in a flat, so they were only about 10ft away... and by the time the next was 3, he had a 6 year old brother to play with.

Both very easy-going, well-behaved kids though, perfectly capable of getting themselves a snack, wouldn't dream of using the cooker or emptying cupboards, would just come and get me if they needed something.

Moaningmurlock · 26/09/2020 12:18

@mellowgreenspring

Really? Never even registered when my DS were able to play alone. As long as they are in a safe house what on earth is everyone so scared about?
Have you not seen how many dc die in ‘safe’ homes?

It’s hardly rare at all.

Honestly, it must to be so much easier, going through parenting without a care in the world. Just ignorantly assuming that your dc is totally safe and nothing will happen to them, so not bothering to be cautious.

Some of those dc will be lucky, a minority of them will be in the papers.

I just don’t see why, when you can control the risk at that age, you wouldn’t do so? It appears so selfish and self absorbed.

Badbanana · 26/09/2020 12:21

I can’t see many parents being at so much ease with their lazy decisions if something were to happen to dc.

If they fell unattended on the stairs and broke their neck...yes, that could happen to someone of any age. But would you be able to live with yourself knowing that in your particular situation, with a baby, you could have stopped that from happening.

And that another dc whose parents did use stair gates/supervise on stairs at that age would have lived?

Kungfupanda67 · 26/09/2020 12:24

@ZoeTurtle have you read the thread? I do not agree that children need supervising constantly. The stairs issue has been addressed several times, with many posters agreeing with me - I’ve used an accepted and taught parenting and support method, Show, Shadow, Step Back; I’ve shown her how to do it, I’ve watched her do it enough times that I’m confident she knows how and now I’ve stepped back and am confident she can safely navigate stairs. I’ve also said in my posts that this morning was a lovely rarity - we are usually up doing football on a Saturday morning and are all up and about early. Today we stayed in bed. She wasn’t unsupervised for an hour, we were up and down making coffee, getting the kids drinks, they had breakfast while I was downstairs (choking is one of the few things they can’t shout for help with so I won’t leave them alone while eating). The youngest came up a few times and we read books in bed, she brought her happy land people to see us in bed, while the older two played downstairs with their superheroes and paw patrols. What part of any of that sounds like neglectful parenting?

Doliv63 · 26/09/2020 12:29

@boomboomg

Did you know that studies have linked mental health issues with a lack of ability and opportunity to take risks, leading to a lack of self belief and confidence. I don’t expect you to all suddenly let your toddlers climb stairs, but consider for a minute that we haven’t always had stair gates. Not letting a 3 year old walk up the stairs is ridiculous - how do they climb ladders at the park? How do they know that they are capable? This. Exactly this. I actually find this thread very sad.

It is why kids these days are suffering so much anxiety and mental health. We are no longer encouraging our kids to be independent and take risks and see it as a way to develop our kids into healthy minded adults.

Honestly if you think a three year old child being watched on a monitor has a high risk of death then I feel sorry for you.

I feel people have forgotten what OP said - THERE is a MONITOR. This means she can see her child?! And is upstairs? Unless she lives in a mansion where she has to take the elevator then what is the issue?

It's just....sad.

Exactly this.Children need to have their own space and do enjoy playing on their own at times .
StellaGib · 26/09/2020 12:30

A 3 year old could choke, trip over or fall down the stairs while you were in the toilet, hanging out washing or cleaning the bathroom.

Do people really literally never let their 3 year olds use the stairs without supervision or play in another room without watching them?

Kungfupanda67 · 26/09/2020 12:38

@StellaGib yes but these are all very important things that need to be done, so the risk doesn’t matter... didn’t you know that parents aren’t allowed to do something as trivial as relaxing for a couple of hours a week?!

Losing · 26/09/2020 12:39

@StellaGib

A 3 year old could choke, trip over or fall down the stairs while you were in the toilet, hanging out washing or cleaning the bathroom.

Do people really literally never let their 3 year olds use the stairs without supervision or play in another room without watching them?

I believe people are taking issue with the poster who lets her 20 month old wander up and down the stairs unsupervised.
Kungfupanda67 · 26/09/2020 12:45

@Losing and the numerous posters who have come after saying they did the same with their children. Plus the numerous posters saying 3 is far too young to be left alone playing.

StellaGib · 26/09/2020 12:47

@Losing lots of people seem to be taking issue with the OP being in a different room to her 3 year old while watching her on a monitor Confused

PrimeraVez · 26/09/2020 12:53

No fucking chance. Unless your house is literally a padded cell, there's just too many things that could happen. I would happily leave my 2 year old playing in another room whilst I was doing things, but that's very different to being asleep in bed.

FWIW, I also don't let my 4 year old go upstairs without an adult. Mainly because we have a marble staircase which isn't very forgiving if you slip, and also because we have 2 rooms upstairs with dodgy doors (locks don't really work) that lead out onto balconies.

SantaClaritaDiet · 26/09/2020 12:59

Exactly this.Children need to have their own space and do enjoy playing on their own at times

quite

and that's what the majority of children do - apart from families who complain that children refuse to play on their own and need parental input at all time, which is not the case here.

It doesn't mean you would leave your 3 year old home alone for the day after showing them how to make a sandwich if they get peckish Hmm
even if you have a monitor you can check on your phone!

The mindset behind teaching children not to bother mummy and to mind their own business until mummy can be bothered to get up is really depressing.

When someone feels the need to start a thread about it it means it's not that natural.

Come on, we all know of families where kids are left in front of the TV all day, are left in their baby walker for hours, are left on their tablets all day because parents can't be arsed, but it's ok, they take them out for 1 hour to McDo Hmm.

corythatwas · 26/09/2020 13:05

not RTFT so this entirely about the 3yo playing downstairs, not about 20 month olds or others who may have wandered in since.

In a typical smallish house- think your average terrace or semi- the downstairs surely is no more distant that the front or back bedroom, or between the kitchen and the living room?

It is not a type of building that allows an immediate view from one room to another at the best of times. But the OP has a baby monitor.

And plenty of people are able to read in bed without nodding off. I did much of the reading for my degree in bed.

firstimemamma · 26/09/2020 13:05

No.

Pupspace · 26/09/2020 13:07

Again the idea that daring to drink a coffee in peace in the sin of all sins is ridiculous.

No one has said that, there are plenty of ways to have a coffee in peace and nothing wrong in doing so. Few if any posters have said that they are with their child 24/7, but that's a world away from them just going up and down the stairs as they please at 20 months.

Kungfupanda67 · 26/09/2020 13:11

@Pupspace oh good god stop fixating on the stairs. My 20 month old can do stairs, get over it! She is just as safe on them as her 4 year old brother, she knows how to do it safely, yes she may have accident but so might the 4 year old and so might my grandma, but I’m not following them around either. Let’s pretend I live in a flat - would I be allowed to drink coffee in bed then? Once every 6 months or so, when I’ve got nothing else to do on a Saturday morning, while my children play happily in the lounge.