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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let 3 year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend?

439 replies

GoldBar · 26/09/2020 08:02

Would you let your three year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend while you read upstairs in bed? With the video monitor on to keep an eye and some cereal and milk?

OP posts:
Pupspace · 26/09/2020 11:17

I wouldn't personally, but I don't think it's overly unreasonable, bar the food. @Kungfupanda67 sounds ridiculously unreasonable, going up and down the stairs at that age whilst the parents lie in bed is feckless. Yes we risk assess, but whilst children are really small and don't have the same concept of safety as us, we owe it to them to provide a safe environment, and to take more risks when they are supervised so they learn. As you smugly claim that the likliehood is low of them falling, yes it is, but you'd surely feel guilty if it happened and it would be your fault entirely- and I would hope you would be suitably punished for it. Leaving a small child somewhere safe whilst you do something in a other room isn't the same, and it doesn't create 'snowflakes'.

Oblomov20 · 26/09/2020 11:17

Most/many 3 year olds I know, pre covid, were at nursery for 15-30 hours.
Being taught glitter, play doh, planting sunflowers and how to hold a pencil correctly and form their letters. And independent play.

Can't be left unsupervised?

I'm not a fan of this over zealous / most extreme form of 'over-parenting'.

SantaClaritaDiet · 26/09/2020 11:18

Scweltish
you are the one being proud and insisting on it because your 3 year old put the tv first thing.

I don't even need to comment, you say it all.

Nikori · 26/09/2020 11:18

The falling bookcase happened to a friend of mine. Her 2 and 4 year olds were playing in their bedroom alone and they decided to climb the bookcase and it toppled over. Luckily they weren’t hurt as there wasn’t much on it. She said it was secured to the wall, but obviously not well enough. Of course she was shocked. They’d never done anything like that before, it was totally out of character, blah, blah.

I’m pretty sure if you rocked up to A&E with a toddler with a broken arm from falling down the stairs where you didn’t have a stair gate, weren’t watching her and didn’t see any danger in this that they’d be raising red flags about your parenting.

StellaGib · 26/09/2020 11:19

@Oblomov20

Most/many 3 year olds I know, pre covid, were at nursery for 15-30 hours. Being taught glitter, play doh, planting sunflowers and how to hold a pencil correctly and form their letters. And independent play.

Can't be left unsupervised?

I'm not a fan of this over zealous / most extreme form of 'over-parenting'.

And being unsupervised in the toilets Shock
BogRollBOGOF · 26/09/2020 11:19

DS1 would be glued to the TV for hours from 2 if left to it.
At 4, he'd go down and spend hours building Lego models. He's very risk averse and was never the type that put things up his nose/ in mouth.

It turns out that he has ASD, but yes he was safe to leave in a room on his own from a young age.

SantaClaritaDiet · 26/09/2020 11:23

[quote GoldBar]@KarmaStar. I thought all my posts made it clear that I would be awake, reading in bed. I just like to drink my coffee and read in peace for a bit before getting up at the weekend and playing dollies.[/quote]
see, that's what feels wrong to most of us. The mindset behind it, hence the various accusation of "lazy parenting".

You are making your child appear like an inconvenience first thing in the morning and that's the message sent.

It's not even the same if you are all up, you go round opening curtains etc, then leave your child to it whilst sitting down somewhere to drink your coffee in peace. It really doesn't feel the same when people are in various parts of the house doing their own things and when parents can't be bothered with the kids just yet.

You are the one who asked the question, so my reply is YABU, it feels wrong, and I have never felt the need to be in the same part of the house as my kids.

Connelloni · 26/09/2020 11:23

Some of the tragic accidents people have linked on this thread are happening to children of 11 or 12. They’re absolutely awful but are people really suggesting children even at that age need to be watched all the time? It’s obviously not possible or desirable.

I leave my 4 and 2 year old to play together while I get on with things all the time. When my 2 year old was a baby I’d leave his sibling (then 2) to watch tv while I put the baby down for a nap. I just don’t see how you can be with your children every second especially when you have more than one.

They are both independent and capable, if they need me they come and find me. We have fixed our heavy/climbable furniture to the wall. The tv is fixed to the tv unit. We have made the house as safe as we can.

The only thing I wouldn’t do from your post OP is leave them alone with food as I still prefer to watch them while they’re eating at this age.

There’s a spectrum on this of how people manage and perceive risk but I have to say some of those who follow their kids around constantly and don’t let them use stairs unsupervised are not doing their kids any favours. I’d rather mine fell over occasionally and learned their limitations through trying.

SantaClaritaDiet · 26/09/2020 11:26

And being unsupervised in the toilets Hmm

Some kids can be trusted, others will flush the entire pack of loo rolls down the loo...

There's always a happy medium everywhere, but no need to pretend that kids are not individuals and that there's a "one rule fits all".

Furbs · 26/09/2020 11:26

Not downstairs no.

When I was in my flat I let my then 3 year old go into the livingroom to watch TV but I was in the room next door and it was only maybe 20 mins or so.

Furbs · 26/09/2020 11:28

Oh sorry the other pages didn't load 😕

Original poster
GoldBar · 26/09/2020 11:30

You are making your child appear like an inconvenience first thing in the morning and that's the message sent.

Tbh, small children are a bit of an inconvenience first thing in the morning at the weekends. I know I'd prefer to stay in bed until at least 8.30. I don't really mind if that's the message sent...By the time they're 7/8, I hope they will have assimilated play nicely and don't wake Mummy up before 9.

Doesn't mean they're an inconvenience the rest of the time. We're happily at the playground now and having a lovely time. I'm sure DC will be able to cope emotionally with the fact I don't love their company first thing in the morning given we have fun the rest of the time. My issue is purely around safety not the message sent and I take the point on food/choking hazard.

OP posts:
SimonJT · 26/09/2020 11:32

Depends on the child, mine when he was three no way, he would have caused absolute chaos. He was however allowed to play alone in his room as apart from making a mess he couldn’t do anything dangerous etc in there.

Now hes five yes, and he often does on the weekend, but that is only allowed because the dog is in his pen so my son can’t irritate him.

NoSleepInTheHeat · 26/09/2020 11:33

Tbh, small children are a bit of an inconvenience first thing in the morning at the weekends
I don’t disagree.

Kungfupanda67 · 26/09/2020 11:35

@Pupspace my 20m old is capable of crawling up and down stairs, the same as she is capable of getting onto the sofa and down again. When I moved in I was talking to a friend about how we’d manage until we found someone to build a stair gate that wasn’t dangerous and she suggested seeing if she could climb it. Initially she was supervised but not long after we moved in she learned to open doors so she could get to the stairs. She’s probably safer on the stairs than my 8 year old, because she never rushes, doesn’t run etc. She sits and bumps down and crawls up, she’s fine. Again the idea that daring to drink a coffee in peace in the sin of all sins is ridiculous. My daughter knows how to climb stairs, it makes no difference where I am while she’s doing it, I can hear her. She also calls me if she wants to take something up or down, she knows she’s not allowed to carry things up and down. She’s currently in her bedroom playing with happy land and I’m sat downstairs with my 8 year old doing his homework. How is that any different to me being in bed while she plays downstairs with her brothers?

seayork2020 · 26/09/2020 11:37

As bad as this will sound (personally not bothered though) I was very happy when ds was old enough to wake up early and use his ipad. Now he is teenager hard to get out of bed

Kungfupanda67 · 26/09/2020 11:37

Tbh, small children are a bit of an inconvenience first thing in the morning at the weekends. I know I'd prefer to stay in bed until at least 8.30. I don't really mind if that's the message sent...By the time they're 7/8, I hope they will have assimilated play nicely and don't wake Mummy up before 9.

😂😂 completely agree, be prepared for everyone to tell you don’t deserve children though!

movingonup20 · 26/09/2020 11:40

Mine did but we were in one floor

movingonup20 · 26/09/2020 11:43

They would watch tv in the next room, no different to playing in their bedroom

SantaClaritaDiet · 26/09/2020 11:45

small children are a bit of an inconvenience first thing in the morning at the weekends.

technically small children are an inconvenience at any time of the day and night when they are not sleeping, so whilst you think you are amusing and clever, you do appear like an awful and selfish person with your witty comments.

Don't worry, they will learn very quickly not to bother mummy and you can congratulate yourself on being the perfect parent. Good luck though.

UnicornAndSparkles · 26/09/2020 11:50

No, but I do let my 3yo play downstairs whilst I take a shower and get ready in the morning. I run down the stairs every five min or so to check she's OK. Wouldn't be comfortable leaving her for much longer.

MarshaBradyo · 26/09/2020 11:52

No I have a nearly three year old and someone always takes her down

dottiedodah · 26/09/2020 11:52

If you have a monitor on this sounds well and good .However if you doze off ,or are reading an especially interesting book ,and miss any problem then how would you feel then? I would maybe see if DD wanted a cuddle in bed with you ,and maybe her comic to look at? Or maybe take Duvet downstairs? My own DC are older now and more likely to be in bed at W/E than me! I have to get up when I have not been awake long as I can hear the dog downstairs, and need to put a wash on or whatever!

user1471538283 · 26/09/2020 11:57

No. I would have to be in the same room

Germolenequeen · 26/09/2020 11:58

@Badbanana
@SantaClaritaDiet

Agree 100% with your posts