To want to tell her she was out of order to my DS?

[lyralalala]

I'll preface by saying - DS is 20. I won't get involved, but I really want to say something.

DS1 is technically my step-son. His Mum died when he was a very young toddler.

Because his Mum died there was a pension paid out every month that mostly went into his savings. He also inherited his Mum's share when her Grandparents died. It's not an amount of money that's going to mean he can lounge around in luxury for his whole life, but it's a comfortable buffer that many kids his age don't have.

Also added to that for a while when he was at school DS had a Saturday job with a photography company who paid him well and DS saved hard because at the time he wanted to buy a flashy car when he passed his test. Thankfully by the time he did pass his test he realised that a stupidly expensive car at 17 was stupid.

Anyway, since he started uni he's worked in a care home. He lives in a shared house about 40 minutes away. His long time best friend also lives in the house. During lockdown he was back home with us because he knew we were being careful (his youngest sister was on the shielding list) so he could keep working.

He decided last month that going back to uni meant he had to hand in his notice and look for another job. He acknowledged to his Dad and I that he knew he was very lucky to be able to fall back on the buffer he has whilst looking for another job (and knowing he might not get another job for a while depending on uni lockdowns and the likes).

His best friend's mother (who was friends with his Mum), while dropping her son off, asked him about his work and went on to call him a spoiled shit. She told him that millions of people couldn't afford to pack in a job "willy nilly" and that if he was hers she'd be bitterly disappointed in him for quitting a job before getting another one.

DS told her it was none of her business. She said herself he was polite in tone (she messaged DH to complain), but still thinks that telling "an adult" that was very rude. She feels he should have acknowledge to her that he was "very lucky" to have money in the bank to rely on. DH told her that DS was right, it was none of her business and left it at that.

I really want to point out to her that my "spoiled shit" of a boy has quit his job because he can't live in a shared student house and safely work in a care home full of old people! He also has money because he fucking saved hard when he was working so he'd be able to do this anyway. However, she is cribbing about money he got because he has no Mummy. He has no memories of her at all. He only knows her voice because his GP's had a camcorder. He is not fucking lucky!

@Butchyrestingface

I used to get told I was "spoiled" and "very lucky" all the time as a child/teenager because I was an only child. This was by people who knew that my sibling had died at the age of 10.

Cuntz gonna cunt. 🤷‍♀️

This particular wifie sounds like she has a screw loose though. Your son was very polite in a situation where he'd be justified to tell her to fuck off. Sounds like he handled it well. I'd block her number on the phone so she can't get through any more.

Fucking hell. Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more surprised by people

Humans really are the pits sometimes.

I’d handle it completely wrong and I’d have gone round to her house hammering on her door and I’ve told her exactly what I’d thought of her. And I wouldn’t care I’d handled it wrong, what a utter cow.

None of her beeswax, plus he’s 20, he’s an adult. She sounds a little jealous to me

Wow I agree what a nosey cheeky bitch , your ds sounds a credit to you and your dh . Some people have to have their say none of her beeswax .

I wouldn't say anything because your DH and DS have already handled it but what she said was vile and she wouldn't be darkening my door again.

@FAQs

I’d handle it completely wrong and I’d have gone round to her house hammering on her door and I’ve told her exactly what I’d thought of her. And I wouldn’t care I’d handled it wrong, what a utter cow.

This is what I want to do!

I'm now acutely aware that that probably means DS is actually more mature than me

DH is very relaxed. He's just of the opinion that DS handled it himself. Which I agree with, but...

I certainly do not think anyone could call a 17 year old who has been working in a care home 'spoilt' I work in one as an activity coordinator and I take my hat off to anyone who can cope with delivering 'personal care'.

Jealous, bitter, childish bitch.

I hope she’s raised a more self aware, polite and kind BF of DS!

I would rise above her , she does'nt matter .
You clearly have a lovely , responsible son who has his head screwed on and she is a thoughtless , silly woman .

All I want to say is - if anything happened to me I'd be so happy if someone like you were watching out for my child and taking care of them.

I agree with this 100%. My DH is in a similar position as your son in that his mother died when he was very young. He has been as lucky as your son as in his father married a wonderful woman who was a wonderful step-mother and is now an awesome mother-in-law, and grandmother to our DC :)

I’d like to say I’m surprised but money and jealousy go hand in hand.

My mum is one of 6 and when my grandad passed away he left a lump sum to all 6 of his children in his will. It was a significant amount. One of mums sisters unfortunately passed away, years before, in tragic circumstances and the money was split between her two children (my cousins). My cousins had also lost their father 10 years previously so were now, effectively, orphans.

It caused huge problems with my other cousins. They went mental about how unfair it was that the cousins should get the money and my aunts share should have been split between the remaining siblings. Even now, years later, they still have a dig and make comments about how lucky my cousins are to have no debt out of uni because of Grandads money. When my cousin got married and bought her first house, they commented about how unfair it was on social media.

Honestly, my cousins would do anything to have their parents back. I know for a fact they’d give every penny back for even a day with their parents. It’s horrible that, after all they’ve been through, some family members are determined to bring them down even more.

She called your ss a spoiled shit bit thinks he was rude?!

She's bonkers and very rude. Well done to your ss for saving money.

She clearly had no grasp of what constitutes as rude.

Your DS sound great and you should both be proud.

I'm not sure if I would message without her contacting me directly, but I would sure as hell tell her if I met her face to face.

Your family have such grace and dignity, OP.

I doubt anyone would judge you if you told her exactly what you thought of her and then blocked her. In fact, I seriously wish your son and DH hadn’t been so dignified and mature to this awful woman 😅 better people than I could ever be ha!

Grade A bellend

@RefriedBeanz

I’d like to say I’m surprised but money and jealousy go hand in hand.

My mum is one of 6 and when my grandad passed away he left a lump sum to all 6 of his children in his will. It was a significant amount. One of mums sisters unfortunately passed away, years before, in tragic circumstances and the money was split between her two children (my cousins). My cousins had also lost their father 10 years previously so were now, effectively, orphans.

It caused huge problems with my other cousins. They went mental about how unfair it was that the cousins should get the money and my aunts share should have been split between the remaining siblings. Even now, years later, they still have a dig and make comments about how lucky my cousins are to have no debt out of uni because of Grandads money. When my cousin got married and bought her first house, they commented about how unfair it was on social media.

Honestly, my cousins would do anything to have their parents back. I know for a fact they’d give every penny back for even a day with their parents. It’s horrible that, after all they’ve been through, some family members are determined to bring them down even more.

That actually happened to me. We were taken by my paternal grandparents when I was 7 because my parents were drug addicted alcoholics.

The fact that my Grandparents split their assets into thirds - my uncle, my aunt and one third split between us 4 - causes really bad feeling with one of my cousins. I’m also NC with my aunt because she used to have digs, at me, all the time about how her kids missed out on time alone with their grandparents because they had me (I’m the youngest of my siblings).

I get that they did. Her DD and I are the same age so I was always there, but it wasn’t my fault!

None of my siblings talk to me now because it worked out I got around £1000 more than them in the end. Long story, but they all got their inheritance when Grandad died as nana felt she had to protect my home. I was 12 and she knew none of them would take me in. Years later when she died that was the anomaly. I offered to pay it, they said no, but then got bitter as apparently I should have insisted. Even though they made the plan with Nana and I didn’t. And even though I could have got absolutely nothing if she’d needed to be in the care home longer. And even though the houses they used their share to buy had gone up in value by way more than 1k.

People are just horrid sometimes

@lyralalala I know you’ve posted about your background before, I’m so glad you had good grandparents and have a loving family now.

It sounds like you were made a scapegoat by cousin, aunt and siblings. Do you feel like that?

Your son - admirable fellow he - is over 20, studies, works to support himself, saves & pays tax. Plenty adult.

He sounds great. You are a lovely step mum.

Despite that awful woman, you seem like a great family and I came away from your post feeling positive

I think "bitterly" was the operative word here OP. Your son did nothing wrong. If I could afford not to work for a while, I would.

She seems a very jealous person, dont give it another thought.
Your boy sounds like a well rounded young man and you should feel proud you took part in making him this way.

You and your DS sound like lovely people with a wonderful bond OP. I'm hormonal and this post has frankly made my eyes a bit damp. Glad you're ignoring this ridiculous woman and her nonsensical ranting. She's honestly not worth a row.

[quote Havaiana]@lyralalala I know you’ve posted about your background before, I’m so glad you had good grandparents and have a loving family now.

It sounds like you were made a scapegoat by cousin, aunt and siblings. Do you feel like that?[/quote]
Absolutely I was. It took me a long time and a lot of counselling to realise it.

It didn't actually become very, very obvious until my siblings decided that "we" would visit our father in a hospice when he was dying. By objecting to that I kicked a hornets nest I didn't even know existing.

From my couselling I've realised that I've long since been scapegoated as the "lucky" one and was made to be grateful for the way "everyone" made sacrafices to look after me. I was a kid. None of the decisions made were made by me. I came to the conclusion that as I was the quietest and the biggest people pleaser I was the easiest one to take their anger at my father out on.

In terms of my Nana I done all of her care. She lived with me and my DDs until her dementia was too bad. I got a lot of stick for "putting" her in a home for the last two months of her life. I was the youngest and it was totally expected of me as I was "basically her daughter". Yet when it came to her funeral my girls, who were 6 and had lived in the same house as her for most of their lives, weren't allowed to go as it was "Children and grandchildren only".

I don't care about them anymore. I have contact with my uncle, one cousin and my nephew and that's more than enough for me.

Amusingly when I told DH I was finally completely done with my siblings he said "Thank fuck" and opened a bottle of champagne. He'd been biting his tongue to an extend for years.

I'm very lucky though. I had a shit start in life, but my Grandparents were amazing. Also through DH I have a MIL who is like a Mum to me and my OMIL who is like a friendly aunty. Plus DH and the kids.

I rarely step in, bit this is one of those situations when I would. I don't think that I would be able to keep my mouth shut. Firstly it's none of her business. Secondly, he is at uni, so this job was more of a temporary thing. Thirdly he's leaving it to be responsible. Fourthly he is, as you point out, not lucky to have lost his mother, fifthly, you do not call my son a spoilt shit and sixthly, seventhly, eigthly ad infinitum, it's none of her fecking business! My father died when I was a teenager and I received some money from his insurance etc. You'd be amazed at how many times people have told me how lucky I am! Lucky that I had to go through his suit pockets etc before giving his clothes to charity shops, lucky that I had to take on a huge amount of responsibility at such a young age, lucky that he died so suddenly that I didn't get to say goodbye.... there's some pretty jealous self absorbed people out there. Go on, you give her 'what for'!

This reminds a little of the women who complained to the headmistress when my friend's children got the best parts in the school play three months after my friend died.