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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to tell her she was out of order to my DS?

135 replies

lyralalala · 25/09/2020 14:52

I'll preface by saying - DS is 20. I won't get involved, but I really want to say something.

DS1 is technically my step-son. His Mum died when he was a very young toddler.

Because his Mum died there was a pension paid out every month that mostly went into his savings. He also inherited his Mum's share when her Grandparents died. It's not an amount of money that's going to mean he can lounge around in luxury for his whole life, but it's a comfortable buffer that many kids his age don't have.

Also added to that for a while when he was at school DS had a Saturday job with a photography company who paid him well and DS saved hard because at the time he wanted to buy a flashy car when he passed his test. Thankfully by the time he did pass his test he realised that a stupidly expensive car at 17 was stupid.

Anyway, since he started uni he's worked in a care home. He lives in a shared house about 40 minutes away. His long time best friend also lives in the house. During lockdown he was back home with us because he knew we were being careful (his youngest sister was on the shielding list) so he could keep working.

He decided last month that going back to uni meant he had to hand in his notice and look for another job. He acknowledged to his Dad and I that he knew he was very lucky to be able to fall back on the buffer he has whilst looking for another job (and knowing he might not get another job for a while depending on uni lockdowns and the likes).

His best friend's mother (who was friends with his Mum), while dropping her son off, asked him about his work and went on to call him a spoiled shit. She told him that millions of people couldn't afford to pack in a job "willy nilly" and that if he was hers she'd be bitterly disappointed in him for quitting a job before getting another one.

DS told her it was none of her business. She said herself he was polite in tone (she messaged DH to complain), but still thinks that telling "an adult" that was very rude. She feels he should have acknowledge to her that he was "very lucky" to have money in the bank to rely on. DH told her that DS was right, it was none of her business and left it at that.

I really want to point out to her that my "spoiled shit" of a boy has quit his job because he can't live in a shared student house and safely work in a care home full of old people! He also has money because he fucking saved hard when he was working so he'd be able to do this anyway. However, she is cribbing about money he got because he has no Mummy. He has no memories of her at all. He only knows her voice because his GP's had a camcorder. He is not fucking lucky!

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 25/09/2020 16:49

Your son and dh have handled the situation beautifully so you don't need to step in. If you come across her however and she mentions it then give her a piece of your mind.

Whatever financial situation her or her own son might be in should have no bearing on how she treats your son or any decisions he should make.

ktp100 · 25/09/2020 16:49

I'd absolutely have to say something. He did the right thing stopping working with the elderly when he returned to uni, putting other people before himself.

I'd add in that her jealousy is showing, that her attitude is disgraceful and that if she speaks to him like that again he's been told to tell her to go fuck herself!

The poll speaks for itself, OP. We don't get many 100%s around here.

Maybe send her the link!

lyralalala · 25/09/2020 16:52

@SunshineCake

I'm embarrassed for her.

She would no longer be my friend.

This has actually mad me tearful as your son sounds a lovely smart boy and deserves the security of some money when he lost his mum.

She is a complete cow and I really would end the friendship.

She's not my friend, thankfully. She has never, ever liked me. She was friends with his Mum and my Dh is friends with her DH.

We've seen her a lot over the years because of the boys, but that has lessened massively since they have grown up. So luckily I have very little to do with her, and won't be having anything to do with her after this.

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 25/09/2020 16:53

Proudest moment of my life was when DS, at 11, decided that he wanted to call me Mum. Backed up when OMIL said she was more than ok with DS having a Mummy and a Mum and firmly believed her daughter would have been ok with that too

It might be pregnancy hormones but this made me a bit teary. What a lovely family you are.

Yummyplainscones · 25/09/2020 16:56

You sound like a fantastic Mum. I too would be fuming at that insensitive cow’s comments. What a thing to say. Your DS and DH handled it well, they would have been well within their rights to tell her to fuck off. I think if you happen to see her and she says something else give her both barrels otherwise continue to enjoy your family.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2020 16:59

a) It IS none of her business

b) He "shouldn't speak to an adult like that"? He is ALSO an adult (albeit a young one)

c) Is is NONE of her business

d) he doesn't have to justify himself to her

e) it is none of HER business

Gatehouse77 · 25/09/2020 17:05

I wouldn’t go out of my way to say anything but I’d definitely be banking it for the future if needed. Sounds like big standard jealousy to me as your boy has turned out wonderful despite the circumstances.

HaggieMaggie · 25/09/2020 17:19

She didn’t think he should talk to an adult like that? Yet DS is also an adult presumably since he’s at uni, therefore she shouldn’t have spoken to him like that.

You want to be spoken to with respect, you speak to someone with respect.

PixelatedLunchbox · 25/09/2020 17:23

Your DS sounds amazing and this woman sounds jealous.

firesong · 25/09/2020 17:30

Yep, she was being a dick and you have all handled it well. Your DS sounds very mature.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2020 17:33

By the way, she iSight in one respect - he IS lucky!

He has a step-mum who loves him like her own flesh, and who he loves in return, and that is amazing good fortune.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 25/09/2020 17:34

You sound like a lovely family...i might have something in my eye xx

SirGawain · 25/09/2020 17:34

You don't need to give a toss what this opinionated witch thinks you are right it's none of her business.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2020 17:35

*is right, not iSight

Emeraldshamrock · 25/09/2020 17:36

I would like say something to her the bloody cheek.
If you don't have the opportunity completely blank her the next time you meet.
Let her know you are aware without any words.

hadtodoitagain · 25/09/2020 17:42

Your step-son sounds lovely- you and your DH have done very well bringing him up. The woman sounds jealous. Don't give this anymore headspace.

Lockdownfatigue · 25/09/2020 17:43

What an absolute monumental bitch. You’re a better person than me if you don’t say anything.

IdkickJilliansass · 25/09/2020 17:45

You all sound lovely, she on the other hand 😱 What kind of weirdo reports a 20 year old to their parents too??

ptumbi · 25/09/2020 17:45

hang on - He's also lost every job he's had by not turning up - so she is massively jealous.

Jealous that your son has an inheritance (fucking cow Angry ) and jealous that your son has a great work ethic.

Your lovely son is highlighting how much of a deadbeat her son is, more than how 'rich' (in money) he may be.

wishful2012 · 25/09/2020 17:47

Definitely say something, what a bitch

AstiniMartini · 25/09/2020 17:55

Your DS sounds a delight. And the relationship the two of you have is clearly lovely.

And it is NONE of her business.

Anyway- I am just going to take the opportunity to share a story. The son of a friend inherited a substantial sum when she died of breastcancer. He was about 17 or so. His uncle gave the eulogy and actually said in the packed church that it was now the role of the son to distribute some of the cash in order to help his extended family as it would be selfish to 'keep it all'.

The wake was interesting (police were called).

Ingridla · 25/09/2020 17:56

I'd fucking say something to her if she spoke to my son like that, what a nasty horrible jealous old bitch

Butchyrestingface · 25/09/2020 17:57

I used to get told I was "spoiled" and "very lucky" all the time as a child/teenager because I was an only child. This was by people who knew that my sibling had died at the age of 10.

Cuntz gonna cunt. 🤷‍♀️

This particular wifie sounds like she has a screw loose though. Your son was very polite in a situation where he'd be justified to tell her to fuck off. Sounds like he handled it well. I'd block her number on the phone so she can't get through any more. Grin

Usuallytootiredbuthappyanyway · 25/09/2020 17:57

Your son sounds like an amazing young man and she sounds bitter. Who complains to a parent about their adult child, especially if their tone was polite? She should have been embarrassed!

TicTac80 · 25/09/2020 18:01

I think you're amazing for not saying anything (in fact, you sound amazing full stop. I'd hope that if anything happened to me, someone just like you would be the person who'd look out for my children). I would have said something: I take a seriously dim view of anyone who could be jealous of an inheritance (particularly in your DSS's circumstances). I think his response was spot on (as is your DH's) and I hope the silly woman is now feeling very ashamed of herself for what she said.