Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

I have two rescues, four years later we still can’t pick them up or cuddle them. You can stroke them when they want attention and play. It takes time, if you don’t have the time then take them back.
Oh I didn’t seen them for the first week and they hid behind the sofa the whole time.

My last cat (7 months) I rescued came to a quiet all adult home with a resident older cat.
She was a little scared at first but we kept her in one room for nearly 2 weeks before gradual introduction to our older cat. They ended up good friends but you absolutely cant rush this! Yours are just babies, they need a quiet gentle introduction to their new home. And dc need to learn about baby animals and not expect instant cuddles.
Should you return them? I cant say. I wouldn't but I also never have any certain expectations of animals.

Totally agree with all the points @Laiste made.

I have had cats for over 30 years and only had rescues (now on our 6th cat) and have never had a kitten react like yours are. Scared and nervous initially yes (one hid behind the kitchen cupboards for four hours) and little balls of energy, but not this aggressive. I have also turned down feral kittens (and felt incredibly guilty). It sounds like the shelter has really let you down OP by not being completely honest.

Ditto Laiste and Mothership4two

There is so much nonsense and misinformation on here! A 10 week old feral kitten is not going to remain feral for long. As long as they’re under 6 months or so they will be fine, it’ll just take a bit longer to settle them in. I’m writing this with a purring 14 week old on my knee who was trapped at a feral colony at 9 weeks. He’s fine now, just took him a few weeks to trust people and settle down. He’s my second feral kitten and the other was just the same.

Be patient. Give them somewhere quiet, their own room if possible. A few toys and somewhere to hide if they get stressed (I had a box with a furry blanket under a table with a sheet over it). Then keep popping in and just spend some time talking to them. Oh and tuna will speed things up! It’ll be fine. I promise.

Well said @Laiste

For some reason cat posters are the fiercest on MN. I've posted twice in the cats board for advice (under different usernames) and both times had very aggressive and rude comments and a whole heap of assumptions about my dreadful lack of suitability for cat ownership. Both times made me laugh as I'm one of the softest cat owners I know, I really am a cat slave! There are some weird cat people on MN, for some reason they all want to tell people how terrible and unsuitable and wrong they are.

We somehow ended up with 2 feral kittens just over a year ago and they were exactly the same. In the end as cruel as this sounds we put them in a very large dog cage with a litter tray, toys, blankets etc In a quiet room. We played with them through the cage with string etc and we'd let them out and close the door behind us. We did this for a good month or 2 and slowly they calmed down (no more running up the curtains and pouncing at the tv!) They are now very social and friendly cats. It just takes time. They quite often now sleep in the cage as it's still in the utility although much prefer under my bed!

For some reason cat posters are the fiercest on MN.

Ever ventured into The Doghouse? 😂 I hid it.

@Ursula4007

There is so much nonsense and misinformation on here! A 10 week old feral kitten is not going to remain feral for long. As long as they’re under 6 months or so they will be fine, it’ll just take a bit longer to settle them in. I’m writing this with a purring 14 week old on my knee who was trapped at a feral colony at 9 weeks. He’s fine now, just took him a few weeks to trust people and settle down. He’s my second feral kitten and the other was just the same.

Be patient. Give them somewhere quiet, their own room if possible. A few toys and somewhere to hide if they get stressed (I had a box with a furry blanket under a table with a sheet over it). Then keep popping in and just spend some time talking to them. Oh and tuna will speed things up! It’ll be fine. I promise.

Having also had personal experience with ferals, I would disagree that feral kittens can easily be turned into pet cats fairly easily and with a patience. Maybe some can, but the majority will not. Just because you were lucky does not mean that others will have the same experience.

According to Cats Protection the kitten socialisation 'window' is between around 2 to 7 weeks. There is also some useful information on their website regarding feral kittens and cats, and the time periods in which they can (or cannot) be socialised and domesticated.

SoupDragon no I've never ventured into The Doghouse! Sounds bad if you had to hide it.

I love your username btw.

It took TWO WEEKS for our kittens to settle in, and they weren’t even feral. It took so, so much time and patience but they are now trusting, loving family members.

Hm. Just imagine you were young, and scared, and didn't speak the language, and all of a sudden someone dumped you in the middle of the M25 at Rush Hour. Or the middle of Waterloo Station, pre-COVID. With 5 funny-smelling giants (relatively speaking) trying to paw at you, you not knowing if you were going to be hit or not.

We have 2 cats, 1 older rescue, very maternal, and 1 energetic, sweet-tempered young cat, from a family who had a little of 3 beautiful kittens they were looking to rehome. (Older cat had got out by accident from mum's house - mum had the beginnings of dementia and was about to go into a care home.)

Our older cat is very maternal and very loving, and new little cat was brought in as she was pining for her little cat companion we lost way too early in February (vet stated road accident likely; we reckon it was almost certainly some twonk doing 40mph down the side street next to us with cars parked pretty much bumper to bumper down either side, given some of the drivers I see regularly down there thinking they're Senna or Schumacher or someone. I'll refrain from saying what I'd really like to at this point and just say I hope they have lost something of equal value to them in the months between. The cat we lost was very special to me in particular as he was a therapy cat in effect; I was reluctant to get a kitten, being very ill at the time, but he really helped me).

Anyway, my point is that even in our relatively quiet household, with no kids and neighbours round about who are very pet friendly, it took about 2 weeks before the new kitten and our older cat would even stop letting one another know they were on one another's territory. And the first three days they hissed at one another pretty much all the time. Fast forward to September, 2020, and while they fight and have little battles about who's going to get which treats and brushes, they're the best of friends.

There is masses of excellent advice online about how to introduce new pets to your household - cat specific, there's PDSA, Cat Protection League, and many others. I agree that it pretty much does sound as if you might have over committed on this one, so if you haven't already, give the rescue centre a ring first thing tomorrow (later this morning now!) and let them know the true situation.

Did the cat rescue not do a home visit first or insist you send pictures so they could establish if you were a good match for the kits? Pretty much all of our local ones do.

*litter, not little. Honestly, mumsnet, even flippin' Facebook has an edit post option, slow as it may be!

Also meant to add that our older cat was feral initially, and it took a while for her to feel safe even in our very quiet home (well, except when the neighbours in the next block over are playing their ruddy trance music at top volume). She's now very even tempered (except when younger cat has gone a bit too far in his play) and you'd not think she'd ever been feral. Having just read some of the threads in the middle, it also does also sound as if the shelter could have been more honest with you though. I used to do cat cuddling (or "spending time with the cats" as the very posh volunteers there now refer to it) a few years ago, and where cats or kits were very feral or on meds their pens were clearly marked so you knew not to enter.

They sound petrified, poor things. Trouble is with rescue animals you never know how they've been treated. With kittens especially, I would assume that they have 100% had a poor start in life & are not socialised. Why else would they be in a rescue centre so young? Personally, I would never have another rescue animal after previous experiences. The centres frequently lie about the animals & their circumstance & will inappropriately place them, just to get rid of them. If you have the time & effort to put into taming these kittens then it can be a very rewarding experience, but given your home situation I don't think its a good idea. Your best bet is to get an older cat from the rescue, or kittens from a breeder. Good luck.

See how things go over the next day or so but do return them if they are feral / semi feral and you know they won't fit into your home. I adopted a semi feral kitten and it has been very hard work. The rescue should be honest about the cats they rehome.

I think I’d try it for a week then I’d take them back if things didn’t change. You seem to expect a lot from the kittens. They aren’t toys..

Don’t keep them until they’re ‘cats’ rather than kittens as no-one will want them then.

@Sophiafour

The OP said in her second post that the shelter have been for a home visit.

Poor kittens are terrified!

Read this

petcentral.chewy.com/why-is-my-new-kitten-biting-and-hissing/

@SoupDragon
For some reason cat posters are the fiercest on MN
Ever ventured into The Doghouse? I hid it

The Doghouse is indeed a terrifying place

Please just take them back. A household with 5 kids and another cat and a person who clearly doesn't understand how to deal with kittens is a terrible environment.

Is the DogHouse a thread here on MN?

If you are prepared to put the time in, strongly recommend Kitten Lady's 'how to socialise feral kittens' on You Tube. She is your Guru for rescued,newborn, disabled or sick kittens. (She often works with Jackson Galaxy from 'My Cat from Hell' & she has many animal welfare awards.)

It's very hard to know without the rescue telling you more about them. We got a purebred kitten that was well socialised and he still hid and hissed at us for a good 2 weeks. He's now absolutely lovely. If they're feral they may never be the cats you're hoping for. If they're just scared and new then you'll just need a few weeks of being patient.

We did have a home visit as we have a rescue cat that came from them aged about one.

I've had three kittens before - the first from my sister in law whose cat got out while waiting to be neutered. The second from a breeder as he was half pedigree and the third from Cats Protection. All of them had been handled from a young age, I went to see them in their home where they were happy to be stroked and I did the settling in with them. The rescue that we have now took a week to settle in - she just slept in a room but didn't mind being stroked.

I genuinely want to do the right thing by them which I thought I had done by going to a rescue I had a cat from before and asking the right questions. I'd asked about some other cats at the rescue and were told no, they need to be on their own, no other cats etc. I was told the kittens are just a little shy but I don't think they have been around people at all. The kids know they are not playthings and I've never thought they were. With our previous cats they have known which ones like to be stroked, which ones to leave alone etc.

I sat in the room with them last night and they hid under the TV. When I came downstairs this morning they were sitting on the windowsill, now they are back to hiding behind the sofa. The house is quiet, I'm the only one in, just sitting on the sofa. We're going to speak to the rescue today to see what they were like in the shelter and see how it goes this weekend.