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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

385 replies

Lotsofsocks · 24/09/2020 16:23

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

OP posts:
Marshmallow07 · 24/09/2020 19:25

I wouldn't usually advocate returning pets but in this case I think you should because it sounds like you lack the maturity to deal with them

oakleaffy · 24/09/2020 19:34

@AllPlayedOut

I wouldn't expect ten week old kittens to be neutered. That's too young. The rescue sounds very poorly run which is of no use to anyone.
Most responsible rescues won't entertain young children ..even one, for the sake of the animal. Good rescues are quite fussy, they don't want ''returns'' as it isn't good for the animal, but in this instance, five children if they are ''crying'' they sound far too young and unsuitable...Animals aren't toys.
Nyclair · 24/09/2020 19:38

I would leave it a couple of days and see how they settle in. They are in a strange environment with strange people, off course they are going to be nervous and hide and possibly lash out

MiriamMargo · 24/09/2020 19:44

for the sake of the cats take them back. How stressful must today have been for them, 5 kids, 2 adults, new smells, they would have been petrified.

Dogsarebetterthanpeople · 24/09/2020 19:45

I’m quite shocked at a lot of these comments.
I’m more of a dog person now but I grew up with cats and never experienced a kitten behave anything like you describe.
They sound feral to me and yes I absolutely would return them.
All my previous kittens and ones I’ve known owned by other people have been very confident, bolshy little animals.

GlomOfNit · 24/09/2020 20:02

Wow, the poor OP is getting a pasting! Unfairly, I think. She has stated several times that she's a very experienced cat owner, and more than that, she's worked with rehoming cats and introducing kittens to other cats before. The implication here seems to be that she got the kittens to amuse her kids but I see nothing in her posts to suggest that. If she's always owned cats then - just maybe - she's adopted them because she really likes cats??

God, you'd think that having children precluded you from owning any pets at all on here. Hmm How very dare you, OP!

I think the cat sanctuary may have tried to pull a fast one. They've palmed off on you a pair of possibly feral kittens that I think they knew would be hard work. This isn't fair. I've seen it happen before, too. So no, OP, I don't think you'd be unreasonable to return them and then let's hope they find a home where their needs are better met. Good luck!

Original poster
Lotsofsocks · 24/09/2020 20:03

Just to answer some of your questions/points. My "brats" (is that because there are five of them or do you just not like children) do not think they are playthings - they have grown up with cats (2 older cats I already had when they were born who sadly died of old age), a rescue kitten we got from Cats Protection who had been living with a foster family and was socialised from the start (still took us a week for him to be comfortable) and the cat we have now who was from the rescue aged 1 (who is now aged 3). They are not trying to pick them up or stroke them. When I said they were crying they were crying because they felt bad upset for the kittens that they wouldn't be stroked and were upset because I was upset that the kittens seemed really stressed.

I had a home visit from the rescue and it is where we got our other cat from. At the rescue, some cats/kittens are in the pens together. Pre-covid you were able to go into the large pens with the cats/kittens to get an idea of how they would be around children/adults. When we got our older cat we all sat with her to make sure she was comfortable with us all. As you can't do this I asked the questions instead to see whether the shelter thought they would be suitable for our home and whether they would be okay with children.

We asked the question if they were chipped and neutered and told that they were. When we got there I asked if they wanted the names for the chip and the woman at the rescue was a bit vague and she came back and said oh, they haven't been neutered yet as they are only 10 weeks. When I asked her where they had been found etc. again she was quite vague, as far as I was told there was no mum. I was told to keep handling them so they get used to it - this was obviously completely the wrong information. Our previous kitten would be picked up from the start as he had been socialised but it is clear now these two haven't even though I was told they were. I can afford to have them neutered and chipped and I have pet insurance. The cost isn't the problem - it's the fact I was told they were and the woman who runs the shelter seemed very vague about things.

I understand it's only been a day but if they are not in the right home I just thought I was doing the right thing to return them so they can go to a home where they wouldn't spend their lift stressed and unhappy if they are ferals that I can't socialise. I'm feeling upset with myself because I should have trusted my instincts a bit more and questioned the shelter. When we left myself and my husband commented on the fact that we didn't think it was as well run as before and looked a bit run down. Maybe they were just trying to foist them off on us I don't know.

I'm sat in the room with them and have given them plenty of boxes to hide in. They are both under the TV stand so I'll see how it goes over the next couple of days.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 24/09/2020 20:08

My cat hid for the first couple of days after arriving as a kitten, she is now 13 & has been the most affectionate cat I’ve ever known.

Hopefully they just need patience and gentle coaxing.

Best of luck.

Jaxhog · 24/09/2020 20:09

I can't believe how irresponsible the rescue place has been. They lied about the status of the kittens, then gave you 2 kittens that are too young to be fostered yet and gave you no instructions on how to acclimatize them to a busy home!!

Your kittens are absolutely terrified. No wonder they are hiding and hissing. If you can, put them in a spare room with food, litter, and somewhere to hide. Don't do anything for at least a few days, other than bringing fresh food and litter. Then wait a little while until they come to you. Don't force it and be patient. They need to learn they can trust you. Don't let the kids or other cats near them until they are comfortable with you stroking them. Always make sure there is somewhere they can run and hide (cardboard box etc.). They will come round. And then get them neutered and chipped! Don't let them outside until you have.

Jaxhog · 24/09/2020 20:11

PS. Feral kittens will come round (we have one) and although they may never become a cuddly lap cat, they will learn to be affectionate. If only because that gets them fed!

OldLeatherSuitcase · 24/09/2020 20:14

OP please ignore the people giving you a hard time. For some reason cat threads attract a lot of weird cat people who are so on the side of cats they've forgotten how to empathise with humans.

Listen to the vet who advised on how they'll turn out.

I have an aggressive rescue cat and I wish I'd taken her back! She's a nightmare.

powershowerforanhour · 24/09/2020 20:18

When I said they were crying they were crying because they felt bad upset for the kittens that they wouldn't be stroked and were upset because I was upset that the kittens seemed really stressed.

Sounds like a bit of a shitshow, as does the rescue, and the kittens sound feral. Take control, return the kittens despite the inevitable weeping , and don't get upset about a couple of wee wildie kittens in front of 5 kids, it just winds the situation up.

Fairybatman · 24/09/2020 20:19

@Flump9

I wouldn't say this is normal. Being shy and hiding yes but not hissing and biting. Sounds like they are feral and 10 weeks is a bit late to be taking them if that is the case. Possibly give it a day or 2 but they don't sound like they are going to be suitable pets for families with children.
I agree with this, hiding and being shy normal. Hissing and biting rather than Swiping/ scratching would make Me wonder if they were ferals too.
Quackersandcheese3 · 24/09/2020 20:23

Hope things work out for your family and the kittens. Keep us updated. Good luck

SuitedandBooted · 24/09/2020 20:24

I'm sorry to see you had such a lot of ignorant comments, OP. People really should learn to read ALL the words in front of them, rather than just skim.

I would try until Sunday. If they still seem really stressed and unhappy I would take them back. It sounds like the rescue has foisted a couple of feral kittens on you, and that was dishonest and unfair on both parties. I have known kittens from unknown litters that have made good pets - and others that certainly haven't. The vet's comment upthread is interesting.

GravyTrain123 · 24/09/2020 20:25

Take them back, for their sake not yours! Jesus.

elephantontheroofeatingcake · 24/09/2020 20:51

This doesn't sound like a good match, tough decision but I would return them, the rescue hasn't given you accurate information, pretty poor really.

elephantontheroofeatingcake · 24/09/2020 20:54

My rescue kitten were not like this at all and a similar age, loads of people on her are being really unfair. They sound like they need a lot of work and possibly incompatible with another cat.

barskits · 24/09/2020 20:57

@isadoradancing123

As the woman didnt know where they came from i would be afraid that they are feral, i would return them
Which is exactly what some posters have been shouting from the rooftops for several hours now.

From what the rescue person said about 'if you can't handle them, bring them back' then I reckon she knew things were going to be difficult.

Original poster
Lotsofsocks · 24/09/2020 21:01

@GravyTrain123

Take them back, for their sake not yours! Jesus.
And that's exactly why I was asking for advice. If the kittens are feral then this definitely isn't the right house for them and I'd rather they went to a house that was for them.
OP posts:
PurplePansy05 · 24/09/2020 21:05

You clearly have no idea how to deal with new kittens. Or how to introduce them to the resident cat, children and the new house. Really, Google isn't that difficult to use. Or at least get advice from the rescue centre.

barskits · 24/09/2020 21:10

For some reason cat threads attract a lot of weird cat people who are so on the side of cats they've forgotten how to empathise with humans

I know what you mean, and what also puzzles me is that so many cat lovers don't know the first thing about animal behaviour, and what is best for the animal.

Kittens like these would be far happier as neutered working farm cats rather than as pets in a domestic situation.

pinkstripeycat · 24/09/2020 21:15

We have never had a kitten who has behaved like this and we’ve had kittens and cats for 50 years. You don’t sound like you have the time to commit to the attention and care they need to socialise them so if it was me I’d hand them back

SoulofanAggron · 24/09/2020 21:23

It's only been an evening or something, don't panic yet. Maybe give them a week and see how they settle in.

Kittens at 10 weeks are really hyper anyway, feral or not.

Laiste · 24/09/2020 21:43

OP said in her first post that she released the kittens into one room while the kids weren't home but the kittens hissed and howled and bit the DH when he tried to approach them to get them back to their carrier.

That doesn't warrant all the 'chaotic home' accusations. These threads just snowball on the back of all these twatish knee jerk posts at the beginning.

I think all these holier than thou know it all posters calling the OPs kids brats and berating her for adopting rescue cats should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

OP - my thoughts for what it's worth:
I've had 4 cats (first two were rescued as kittens from a shelter and lived to 17 and 19. They had a lovely long life and were lap cats and played with the dogs and the kids. My next 2 were pedigrees and are still here) and none of them have ever been a drama to introduce into the home. I've also got 4 kids and at the time of getting my first rescue cats they were very young and i also had 2 dogs and 11 guinea pigs! All happy, clean, fed, socialised. Including the kids! No chaos. No drama. No brats. All of my kids would help care for all of the animals and all of them have grown up to be animal lovers.

Your kittens sound feral. Very few people will have the time, knowledge or inclination to cope with feral cats and it's NOT what you signed up for so it's unfair to scoff about the fact that you are not/might not cope. The shelter is at fault here not you.

Take them back Flowers.