Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

How did they get on today?

You've been very lucky with your ferals @Ursula4007. Mine was 12 weeks when I got him and had also come from a feral colony. It took months for him to settle and now in middle age he's still not exactly a 'normal' cat, he will routinely run and hide from strangers or sudden movements and would never accept a cuddle or a scritch from someone he's not met several times before.

When we got catface 4 years ago now she was a feral. She hid behind a chair for around 3 months. Only coming out Initially for food. Never pats or cuddles. It took 6 months before she’d even tolerate sitting next to me. It took an awful lot of patience. Kindness and love.

not at ten weeks I hope - should be done around 12 weeks

We got two ex feral kittens from a cat rescue - they had been hand reared by a volunteer from age 5 - 13 weeks. She had several cats and dogs as well. They still spent 2 days hiding behind the settee, when we got them at 13 weeks. We just spent days on the floor, rolling balls and toys about, until they were tempted out to play with them.

Now, two very placid and affectionate cats. Even the vet comments “From feral to this....!”

OP I think you've been very harshly treated here. This thread is yet another one where people seem to come on just to insult others, not to be helpful.

You've been responsible in caring about the kittens, questioning whether this is the right thing etc.

Mumsnet can be a firing squad for strangers to judge you on the basis of minimal information.

Just that really. Hope it works out for you.

But take no notice of the pitchfork mob of bored keyboard warriors.

Op I think you are being very sensible. As I life time cat owner too the comment you have received are uncalled for.

I

These are two babies, who have gone to a new home and are obviously terrified. They sound pretty much like our kittens were to be honest.
My advice to you would be to make sure they are in a small room together - a quiet room, with a litter tray one side & food and water the other. Leave them be for a bit, but then one of you go in quietly and just sit with them. They are cats, so please give them the time and opportunity to come to you. When they do come to you just sit still, let them sniff you, suss you out and even climb on you. You will start to gain their trust by doing this. If you do it right, after a few days they will be much happier, and should be gaining confidence. You can then open the door of the room and they will hopefully start to venture into the rest of the house to explore, knowing that they have their ‘safe haven’ to run back to.
We spent a lot of time with our almost feral kittens (also rescue - they were born in a suitcase in a bakers garage) and now at 5 1/2 they are the most gorgeous cuddly cats you could imagine. Please give them a chance if you can, it sounds like they need it.
Good luck!

Aww OP it sounds like you are getting a right bashing off everyone here!
I'd just like to say thank you for rescuing them from the shelter! It may take them a while to adjust and they will eventually. My sister fostered similar sounding kittens and they were 9 weeks old, they were great in the end but it did take a few weeks.
It genuinely sounds to me like they'll be loved and cared for and have a wonderful home!
Stick with it lovely I wish you all the best with them. Keep us posted on how you get on over the weekend!

Give the kittens a chance. My two cats are now three and cool calm an collected. When we first got them the hid under the bed in a safe room for days. They had all the amenities and we did not try to disturb them. I would sit in with them for an hour or two. Slowly but surely they became braver. They are babies and don't know what is going on. Just explain to the children that the kittens need to settle before they can play with them. If you are sure you can cope with a, little mayhem then all will turn out OK. On the other hand if not you should take them back for the kittens sake. Bless them

We recently got a 10 week old kitten. First few week he was very shy, scratching and biting us and running away all the time. He is now a total lap cat and very affectionate. Still need to work on his relationship with the dog! Give it time - a few weeks at least

You are being unreasonable as you obviously haven't done your homework before you went to pick them up.

They ate 10weeks old. Kittens bite and scratch and hide, of course they will be scared! And yes the more you handle them the more socialised and calm they will become... If you don't know this then please do take them back as you are not suitable to care for them!

You need to give them a few weeks AT LEAST. it's all new to them and they are probably terrified in a new home with 5 kids crying because they want to touch them

I'm an animal person, I've got a lot of pets, including a cat but it will be a cold day in hell before I get a kitten! They're hard work.

@anon666

OP I think you've been very harshly treated here. This thread is yet another one where people seem to come on just to insult others, not to be helpful.

You've been responsible in caring about the kittens, questioning whether this is the right thing etc.

Mumsnet can be a firing squad for strangers to judge you on the basis of minimal information.

Just that really. Hope it works out for you.

But take no notice of the pitchfork mob of bored keyboard warriors.

Totally agree. Good luck OP, there's been some horrible posts on here and I think its very obvious you're trying to do the right thing.

How are they today OP?

I would give them some time. Even if they’re feral, it’s possible for them to become tame. A feral cat (around 6/7 months old) came to my in-laws house (a countryside house in Spain) and they gave her food. She kind of adopted them, but didn’t want to be touched and was quite nervous. They are not really cat people, but when I was there over the summer for two months, with time and patience, she started to let me stroke her and I managed to get her to trust me enough to get her into a carrier and we got her neutered. Now she’s really friendly and lets you pick her up for a short time (I don’t think she’ll ever enjoy hugs like my indoor cats did in the U.K. because she is a fully outdoor cat) and loves sitting on mine and DD’s knees for a stroke. It is possible, even if they are feral, especially because they’re so young.

My cats in the U.K. were proper lap cats, but at first, one of them was very scared and hid for around two weeks, but she came around. She was always timid with strangers and used to get bouts of cystitis when stressed, but she was affectionate and loving with me and DD.

If I were you, I would give it more time. At least a couple of weeks and get done felaway plug-ins.

@anon666

OP I think you've been very harshly treated here. This thread is yet another one where people seem to come on just to insult others, not to be helpful.

You've been responsible in caring about the kittens, questioning whether this is the right thing etc.

Mumsnet can be a firing squad for strangers to judge you on the basis of minimal information.

Just that really. Hope it works out for you.

But take no notice of the pitchfork mob of bored keyboard warriors.

Totally agree Some rescues make you sign paperwork confirming you will get the, neutered as before 12 weeks is very young. My cats have always been neutered slightly after twelve weeks actually. If the kittens are feral or not used to people yet it will take time

@Lotsofsocks hope things settle and they do.
Someone who was t bothered wouldn’t have asked and I believe you were asking for the kittens’ sakes not because your children couldn’t pick them up

There are some people on here that see a thread and jump on it because it gives them an opportunity to be beyond critical just unkind

Rescue cats/kittens shouldn’t be placed in a home with young children IMO. We had one rescue kitten several years ago, when my DDs were 5 and 2 and he had a habit of biting, so in the end I had no choice but to rehome him. (There had been no serious incidents, but I think that was because I was always there to supervise and was careful). We have 3 other cats, who came to us as kittens, but they were properly socialised and came from close friends.

If you want to have kittens with young children, there are plenty of kittens who have been reared by their mothers until 8 weeks old and have been used to being handled.

There is also the fact that you have an existing cat. Older cats don’t as a rule cope well with other cats coming into the house. It depends on the temperament of the older cat, some cope better than others. It can also mean a lot of work and in a busy household it isn’t always possible.

So yes, reluctantly, I’m saying you should take them back. Because your family isn’t equipped to dealing with rescue kittens when you have five DC and an older cat.

And finally, no kitten is neutered before four months old (I’ve never heard of 10 week old kittens being neutered).

I saved two kittens, one who was very brave and another who was incredibly timid. With the timid one it took a lot of time, lying down on the floor in their room, putting treats on me and letting her climb over me in her own time. There was always going to be a need to acclimatise them, especially to the other cat. Keep them separated for a couple more weeks, and I would try feliway plug ins when you do introduce them.

I think in this situation YABU in terms of bringing two kittens to an environment with 5 kids (we all know what kids can be like around puppies/kittens) and with your other cat its not fair...it doesn't sound very well thought through even if you presumed you were getting well handled kittens, they are still kittens at the end of the day and are hissing etc sounds like they are petrified

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

How did they get on today?

I was in one room with them all day yesterday and fell asleep on the sofa in the room until about 1am. They didn't come out from behind the radiator while I was there but they did at some point in the night as they had used the litter tray. I've been in the room with them all day since 8.30 am just sitting on the sofa, on my laptop. I had to go out and when I got back at 4.30 pm they were still in exactly the same place, both shaking. My husband called the rescue and we were told to stroke them when they are eating - they won't come out to eat if I'm in the room.

To add to this further I now don't think we have the cats that I was interested in. I explained about the whole chipping and neutering and the shelter getting it wrong but looking of the picture of the cats we thought we were getting these are not them. Their tabby markings are completely different (my much beloved Birman cross was a tabby and I could easily pick his markings out) and they look a different colour. In the photos they are creamy brown tabbys and these are silver and their eyes are different colours. In the photos they look older as well. I now think the shelter have mixed them up. She even said to me when I got there - who was it you were coming for again? And they hadn't been vaccinated, they had to do it while I waited. Surely if you knew the time I was coming to collect them that would have all been done? Even the kids don't think they are the same cats from the photos I've shown them.

I'm going to give the shelter a call in the morning and have a chat with them.

I'd be very wary of a rescue that hasn't chipped the kittens before rehoming them - they can be chipped from about 5 weeks old so that should have been done.
Have they had their first jabs yet ?

But - it sounds like you've misjudged this all round, poor little kittens.
You should give them back.

The kittens are too young to have been ‘done’ and the poor things need to time to adjust to their new environment. Why were you trying to get them back in the carrier? I’m not surprised they weren’t happy. Give them some time to explore the room, get used to the smells and sounds. And manage the expectations of your children - there’s no need for them to be crying because they can’t touch the kittens yet.