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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

385 replies

Lotsofsocks · 24/09/2020 16:23

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

OP posts:
makingmammaries · 24/09/2020 18:49

I don’t know why people are being so vile on here. You didn’t sign up for semi-feral kittens, OP, and the best thing would be to return them. Hope you can adopt some kittens suited to your family.

99victoria · 24/09/2020 18:54

I'm surprised the rescue let you adopt them to be honest. We had 2 kittens from a rescue centre a couple of years ago. They WERE feral. The rescue centre told us that they had been rescued from the streets and were extremely nervous. They only let us have the kittens because we didn't have any other animals or young children in the house.

When we first brought them home, we put them in the spare bedroom and they hid and we barely saw them. After a few days we brought them downstairs to our living area but gave them several cardboard boxes they could hide in as they were still very timid. They are brother and sister. Eventually they came out to play with each other and to eat but even now 2 years on they are both quite nervous cats. They love being together and the male cat will let us stroke him but the female still prefers her own space!

I am so glad we rescued them though. They have never been aggressive towards us and I am just happy that we have been able to give them a safe and secure home

KarmaStar · 24/09/2020 18:57

Poor little mites are terrified.
Leave them alone in a warm room with somewhere to hide,plenty of fresh water and food and be patient.
They are NOT toys to keep your dc amused!
This is going to take time,love and understanding.you are expecting way too much,and to give up on them just because they don't act like other cats you've seen is beyond weak.
If you can't treat them with compassion yes take them back they will be better off.Angry

MaeveDidIt · 24/09/2020 18:58

Of course they are going to be absolutely scared stiff. ANY kitten or cat for that matter, going to a new home would need some quiet time to settle in and get its confidence.
You've got to apply a little bit of very obvious common sense.

Posturesorposes · 24/09/2020 18:58

five children, an existing pet and adding 2 kittens to that household? Why? Surely one will argue back “well why not/is there a magic number of kids:pets ratio” but surely this is is all too chaotic....

GabsAlot · 24/09/2020 19:00

the rescue shouldnt have let you have them sounds like theyre not very good at vetting and just want to get rid of them

MaeveDidIt · 24/09/2020 19:03

...in answer to your question, yes, definitely take them back and let them be homed with someone experienced who understands what is best for their welfare.

Toilenstripes · 24/09/2020 19:04

@makingmammaries

I don’t know why people are being so vile on here. You didn’t sign up for semi-feral kittens, OP, and the best thing would be to return them. Hope you can adopt some kittens suited to your family.
I think people are being vile because the OP is being irresponsible. And it’s heartbreaking to know that defenceless kittens have been put in a situation where they are terrified and being blamed. And, five children.
HappyBumbleBee · 24/09/2020 19:04

I wouldn't say this is normal. Being shy and hiding yes but not hissing and biting. Sounds like they are feral and 10 weeks is a bit late to be taking them if that is the case. Possibly give it a day or 2 but they don't sound like they are going to be suitable pets for families with children
this
These sound feral to me too and going by what the rescue lady said to you I doubt she’ll be surprised if you take them back!
She absolutely should not have let you take the kittens without a home check AND checking your cat or other pets and the kittens are all up to date on vaccinations.
The rescue has been irresponsible in my opinion and if you take them back please make sure if you are getting more that you make sure to view and handle them first, agree to a home check and that they’re vaccinated!
Good luck

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 24/09/2020 19:05

Yabu in the sense that you should give them more time to settle BUT yanbu in that rescues fib through their teeth about cats and never admit when they are not well socialized. My sister got two from a rescue. She was told they were with a fosterer and well socialised. They arrived to find the kittens were 4 weeks older than had been said & were with a fosterer who had far too many cats and thus had given them little attention to socialise them. Fortunately my sister & her husband are brilliant at persevering socialising cats, even so it has taken months to get anywhere with them due to their age.

Smallereveryday · 24/09/2020 19:06

My own spoilt , adored lovely cats (who ADORE us) hid behind the boiler and under beds when we moved for two weeks !! .. they knew us but not the new house.

The kittens aren't the problem - your discipline of the kids is the issue.

The answer is 'Leave them alone' . No exceptions. and sanctions if they don't !

Arthersleep · 24/09/2020 19:07

Blimey. What a quick decision. Firstly, you should have put them in a quiet room alone for the first day or two and then gradually go in and just sit quietly or lie on the floor until they are settled. If they had been neutered, you most probably would have been presented with an adoption bill to cover it. If you can't afford to get them neutered, then you shouldn't have got them. You need to try and settle them gently for two weeks. And then see how your other cat takes to them, as that will be the bigger issue. It sounds like you made a rash decision getting them and are now making an even easier decision to return them.

Diva66 · 24/09/2020 19:08

They sound feral. Any cat or kitten might be nervous in a new home but that’s extreme. Personally I wouldn’t have taken them as it’s obvious you were lied to about age, neutering, etc.

tmh88 · 24/09/2020 19:11

It’s pretty standard for kittens/cats to hide for the first few days in their new home! You need to give them a chance or give them back to someone who will give them a chance to properly settle! My rescue cat stayed under the sofa for the first day! After about 2/3 days he had claimed the full house!

Ashard20 · 24/09/2020 19:14

I think that it's really important to meet your rescue animal a few times before hand. Most rescue centres understand that there should be some compatibility and even in this climate will accommodate that. I think that releasing them at 10 weeks without chips and un-neutered is irresponsible of the rescue centre. Tbh I think you are being treated quite harshly on here. You are an experienced cat owner already. It sounds to me like a bait and switch scenario and it's quite possible the centre were keen to take advantage of the lack of viewing opportunities to move on these particular kittens ...it happened to a friend of mine.
I have a rescue cat who was a kitten when he came to live with us and there was an instant rapport with him. I also have another cat who came to us as a kitten. Yes they were both nervy and hid for a while, but you can gauge their personalities quite quickly and to me it sounds like they haven't had much opportunity to be handled. If you have patience and time, I'm sure that you will succeed with them, but also ask yourself how they might affect your other cat. If you are still uncertain, I wouldn't hesitate to return them. The centre weren't honest with you and that would be a big no for me.

HaggieMaggie · 24/09/2020 19:15

Agree with everyone else. I’ve had rescue cats and kittens for 33 years. You need to make them a safe quiet space and leave them be. It may take a week or four weeks before they are ready to venture out.

I would imagine five kids trapping babies cats must be terrifying for them.

I always leave my new fur babies in a spare room with a hidey hole and feed and toilet them in that room and let them come to me. You are doing to end up raising scared, aggressive cats who will pack up and move somewhere else as soon as they have the confidence.

Thedarksideofthemoon30 · 24/09/2020 19:16

@Lotsofsocks how are they now? X

HaggieMaggie · 24/09/2020 19:17

@Diva66

They sound feral. Any cat or kitten might be nervous in a new home but that’s extreme. Personally I wouldn’t have taken them as it’s obvious you were lied to about age, neutering, etc.
Really? Babies in a house on five kids, they sound terrified not feral.
BoomBoomsCousin · 24/09/2020 19:17

@ Arthersleep
”It sounds like you made a rash decision getting them and are now making an even easier decision to return them.”

What bit of the OP makes it sound like she made a rash decision to get them?

MitziK · 24/09/2020 19:18

If you've got that many children all wanting to pick them up and cuddle them on their first day and crying when they can't, even the most tolerant, happy go lucky and confident kitten is going to be absolutely terrified, never mind if they're actually poorly socialised, near feral things that have never seen anything but danger from humans.

I think it would be wise for you to take them back and wait until your family are old enough to understand scared kittens needs to be left well alone before getting any more.

Roselilly36 · 24/09/2020 19:18

Completely normal behaviour for young kittens, they will grow in confidence, given them a little time to get used to their new surroundings.

Greentulips1 · 24/09/2020 19:18

@Kanaloa

If the five kids are crying because they can’t touch brand new kittens, I’d say you need to have a word with them. They should understand that they aren’t toys to cuddle and play with and need space to live comfortably. Five kids expecting to immediately touch them would be overwhelming.

If you are going to return them I think it’s best to do it straight away. They are still babies and have a good chance of finding a new home.

This!

The poor things are probably scared senseless and don't know what's going on.

Zofloramummy · 24/09/2020 19:19

I’ve been very fortunate with my kittens, I adopted 3 (yes I’m crazy) about 2 years ago. One had been fostered but kept in an outhouse/animal shed. He’s a laid back softy but only lets me cuddle him and pick him up. The other 2 are sisters and were hand reared. They are complete tarts and love people, they always come for a cuddle with visitors.

Next door neighbour took in an abandoned kitten who was probably about 5 months old. It’s vicious, has attacked me in my own kitchen, terrorises other cats and is a hissing ball of rage. I really wish they would let the poor thing be a barn cat, it really isn’t happy at all.

Give it a few days, back right off, see if they start showing curiosity rather than fear. If they don’t then I don’t think they are a good fit.

isadoradancing123 · 24/09/2020 19:23

As the woman didnt know where they came from i would be afraid that they are feral, i would return them

oakleaffy · 24/09/2020 19:24

FIVE children, an existing cat and two kittens who are probably terrified?

What on earth were you thinking? It would be hell on earth for any animal to be confronted with that level of din and handling.

You don't sound very experienced with animals...even my elderly quiet mum who found a dumped kitten said he was terrified.. of course they will be alarmed at a new situation.

For goodness sakes take them back for the sake of the kittens.
They need peace, harmony and calm.