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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Called a guy out on a lie. Friends said I humiliated him. Did I?

302 replies

Chairlove · 24/09/2020 11:19

Met a guy OLD. On his profile Said he was 42, owned a cat and had a post grad degree. I am 39 and my profile is accurate and recent pictures. His pictures looked staged, but cute. Talked via text for a few weeks and seemed good banter.

We met last night. He looked older than his pictures and seemed to act older. Within 10 mins we were talking about my 40th and I wasn’t able to do what I planned. He then said he was 50! I questioned him on the age of his profile and he said it said he was 50. I disagreed and got his profile out to show him.

He didn’t look embarrassed and said it was a mistake. He then talked about a cat visiting him, I questioned it says he owned the cat. He said he didn’t and didn’t put that in his profile. Again got my phone out and showed him. I also questioned his pictures as now thinking on a different date.

He then says at least you know now for our second date. Getting annoyed I then got his profile out again and started to ask questions. No degree, not height he said etc. It was lies.

I finished my wine (I paid first round) and said sorry don’t want to see you again. He asks why, reply you lied! He said was a mistake. Still he lied, as the app asks you to confirm your age once you input it.

I left. Phoned my friend and they said I shouldn’t of got the app out to show him. Just leave. Said I humiliated him. I personally think he deserved it. Granted he was the third bad date in a row.

What do you think?

OP posts:
MrsCollinssettled · 24/09/2020 13:21

Unless your friends were worried about your personal safety they were BVU. Everyone should be calling this sort of behaviour out otherwise men will continue to do it.

1forAll74 · 24/09/2020 13:25

He has got some Balls/Nerve, to turn up on a date, knowing his profile is all lies, and maybe thinking all women are blind and stupid.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 24/09/2020 13:25

Well done!

Xenia · 24/09/2020 13:25

You did the right thing. There are too many liars on line and these men who say they have degrees or are unmarried etc when they are all - all that matters and means they are a dishonest liar who ought to be barred from the site.

Lovemusic33 · 24/09/2020 13:26

Well done OP, I have had a number of dates like this but been to scared to say anything until they had left.

Have had several men lie about their age and use old photos from years ago. Recently dated someone who said they were 48 (which is about as old as I go, ten years older than me), turned out he was 54, tried telling me he lied to hide his identity and stop people googling him as he is very rich 😂, said he was going to tell me at some point. Another was ten years older than he told me.

PopPopPopPopPop · 24/09/2020 13:28

He lied and so deserved both barrels in my view. Well done for calling him out about all of it. I hate lying bastards

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 24/09/2020 13:28

You did the right thing. I always assume ages of men are correct and the cat thing wouldn't both me. However I always ask what peoples degree is in, what job they do, what uni they went to etc etc over a few days chatting before setting a date.

Mittens030869 · 24/09/2020 13:29

I can't believe that you've been made to feel that you were unreasonable. This man didn't just lie, he actually refused to admit that he had done so. And then expected you to want to go on another date with him. At the very least he was a complete tower.

Brainfogmcfogface · 24/09/2020 13:30

Good for you OP, I’d have done the same, I fucking hate liars, and would have called him out on every one 👏👏👏

CheetasOnFajitas · 24/09/2020 13:30

Good for you! I’m really surprised he hung around after you called him out on the first lie though!

Rigamorph · 24/09/2020 13:31

Yes, it could have been worse, I could have still been married and calling myself 'single' Grin

Eskers · 24/09/2020 13:35

@DeliciouslyFemale

Talk about the difference between female and male socialisation! He tells lies after lies online, then the arrogant prick expects you to ignore that and go on a second date?! But somehow your female friends think it’s more important not to hurt his poor wee man feelings. FFS! Well done OP. This is also a great example of the importance of meeting in a safe place, as it gave you the confidence and safety to be able to point out his lies and leave. I think your fucking awesome!
Exactly this! He was wasting your time with a tissue of lies. drinking a drink you paid for, and you're still supposed to dispense more energy saving his face, according to your friends?
chubbyhotchoc · 24/09/2020 13:35

Seriously all you had to do was have a drink, say polite goodbyes and then decline further dates if he contacted you. If you spend every bad date arguing with men and pulling them up on things you will end up worn out and jaded. It's also a bad idea to get combative with men from OLD from a safety perspective.

itbemay1 · 24/09/2020 13:36

Good for you op! Why should you put up with that!!

LadySeaThing · 24/09/2020 13:37

Also I'm wondering if Mr Pants on Fire would have been so unbothered if OP had claimed to be 40 then turned out to be significantly older.

Astrabees · 24/09/2020 13:39

I met someone who I had had a marvellous witty email exchange with. It turned out his profile was 10 years younger than he really was, so very ancient indeed. He admitted it before i could ask and confirmed it was the only thing that was not true - his photos were new and he was attractive in them and real life. I gave it ago and we were a very good match, so it didn't really matter. He said that at his real age he would not have attracted anyone at all, which I sort of agree with. I ended up being very pleased he had not been truthfull!

QGMum · 24/09/2020 13:42

YANBU. You are awesome.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 24/09/2020 13:43

@chubbyhotchoc

Seriously all you had to do was have a drink, say polite goodbyes and then decline further dates if he contacted you. If you spend every bad date arguing with men and pulling them up on things you will end up worn out and jaded. It's also a bad idea to get combative with men from OLD from a safety perspective.
There's no need to be polite to entitled liars. And they were in public.
hadtodoitagain · 24/09/2020 13:47

Sorry. But, I would have just got up and left. You don't sound like a nice person anyway.

LadySeaThing · 24/09/2020 13:47

If you spend every bad date arguing with men and pulling them up on things you will end up worn out and jaded.

Hmm but maybe not as jaded as if you accept men lying to you and gaslighting you is your lot in life, and maybe you end up marrying one of these lying entitled tosspots and have to deal with his tiresome bollocks every day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 24/09/2020 13:51

@BilboBercow

Good Lord. Doesn't everyone lie about their age online or they wouldn't get a date.

No! It's very obvious sometimes to me too that a man has lied about his age and it's a total red flag. It screams "I deserve a younger woman". Who on earth is he to decide that my upper age limit (which is 10 years older than me btw) is too low and really I should try dating a 52 year old? Fuck that.

Exactly!
Eskers · 24/09/2020 13:51

@hadtodoitagain

Sorry. But, I would have just got up and left. You don't sound like a nice person anyway.
So you think you need to let a series of blatant lies go unchallenged in order to count as 'nice'? How strange.
lottiegarbanzo · 24/09/2020 13:51

She didn't start an argument. He gave her two pieces of conflicting information. She said 'huh?'.

katy1213 · 24/09/2020 13:52

And he let you get the first round. A liar with no manners!

hadtodoitagain · 24/09/2020 13:53

Eskers I would have challenged him the once, got up and left.