Sorry this is complicated and long winded, will try to get to the point. I have two children and my husband has another from a previous relationship....which for many reasons I have not seen in 3 years(the mother is very nasty, and always calling the shots, court would make no difference, she's not the sort to listen to a court order, and it's been so long and the relationship between me and this child has been too severely damaged to repair, not to mention the impact on my children to attempt a reconsilliation again), however my husband has still had regular contact every other weekend, and until the pandemic was staying overnight at his parents on those weekends.
With christmas looming I am anticipating the next hurdle. It is his turn to have his other child on Xmas Eve and day. They have for the past 4 years been taking turns rather than having half the day each as previously, which was unfair as my husband had to do all the running around in the middle of our Christmas dinner. 2 years ago, when it was last his turn, I was left heavily pregnant with a 3 year old over Xmas, and decided to go to my mums, which didn't actually help as my then 3 year old still spent hours upon hours crying for her daddy on Christmas Eve, and the whole experience was very upsetting all round. Our youngest will be almost 2 by Christmas and I'm upset for him as well as my 5 year old that they will not have their dad on Christmas day. I understand he wants to see his other child and have no issue with that, but I feel he should be spending the day with us. His other child wouldn't miss out by having Christmas with her mother instead, but our children will be devastated to not have daddy at home. I cannot imagine him telling her mother he can't have her this Christmas or asking to change the arrangements, or her accepting any changes but I feel he needs to put his foot down and do right by us for a change. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to spend Christmas with us instead of his other child?