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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think restaurants & coffee shops aren’t safe!!

210 replies

shesfancy · 23/09/2020 15:27

Okay, I haven’t yet been to a restaurant or coffee shop since lockdown was lifted, but I don’t understand at all, how they can be safe.

I considered a drive thru coffee a few days ago but changed my mind. I mean how can it be safe drinking from a cup someone has touched moments before? Surely this is worse than being less than 2m to someone?

I’ve made the decision to not eat or drink out for the foreseeable, DH said I’m being over the top.
I don’t think it’s safe and I’m sticking with that.

AIBU?

OP posts:
poshme · 23/09/2020 18:09

I can't believe you were considering driving to get a coffee! What about the risk of having an accident? There's a big danger of life changing injuries & death right there.

Lindy2 · 23/09/2020 18:11

I'm only comfortable sitting at an outside table at the moment. (Hoping for a mild Autumn so we can still do some lunches out). I don't feel comfortable with the higher risk of sitting inside so I will continue to avoid that.

Take aways I'm ok with and have been throughout. I do serve up onto plates and wash my hands though.

Everyone has their own risk level that they are happy with. It has to be an individual's own choice.

hahoohayou · 23/09/2020 18:13

@poshme

I can't believe you were considering driving to get a coffee! What about the risk of having an accident? There's a big danger of life changing injuries & death right there.
@poshme

Erm statistically speaking, OP has more chance of catching Covid.

Brunt0n · 23/09/2020 18:16

It’s gonna be a long winter for you

vodkaredbullgirl · 23/09/2020 18:16

Ive had takeaways and nothing has happened to me or my family

FatherTedsBankAccount · 23/09/2020 18:18

People who are being twats to the OP: fucking shame on you. You have NO IDEA what living with a chronic medical condition is like until you have experienced it.

We know very little about the duration or permanence of the damage caused by long covid, as the virus is so young. But I have 3 colleagues (all of us academic STEM researchers) who caught covid in March/ April and are still utterly debilitated by it. One colleague has suffered serious cognitive damage. Her career as a scientist is possibly over. The others are permanently exhausted with nerve/ joint/ muscle pain, and a whole array of bizarre and ever changing symptoms.

There is not enoug hmedically known about covid yet for people to state with such sanctimonious certainty what the potential risk is to OP or anyone else. OP, continue to do what makes you feel comfortable. Flowers for you.

InFiveMins · 23/09/2020 18:18

Do what you like. Personally I couldn't live without some of life's small pleasures which for me include going out for dinner every now and again, or having a nice coffee somewhere.

pasteldechocolateconchispa · 23/09/2020 18:33

I can’t live without coffee and don’t posses barista skills so coffee shop it is. Everything we do in life can be a risk. I just think fuck it give me the caffeine. I’ve had drive thru, take away and sat in.

I do suffer with anxiety and understand where you are coming from, however I think maybe you could take your own cup and pour it in. Wipe down cup, get them to place in a wipe and pour into cup, sanitise your hands. Drink it and see that it’s ok, next time, maybe not have the wipe and pour...little steps

Hardbackwriter · 23/09/2020 18:34

I'm sorry, then, that your family are being so insensitive, @Lipz, but I don't really know why you compared your situation to OP - obviously if you're acting directly according to advice from a doctor specifically on your case that's very different

islockdownoveryet · 23/09/2020 18:36

Okay, I haven’t yet been to a restaurant or coffee shop since lockdown was lifted, but I don’t understand at all, how they can be safe.
I stopped reading after this if you've never been how can you not know they are safe .
I've been to a few most perfectly safe , 1 or 2 I've not felt safe and won't be going again .
Saying that if you don't feel safe then don't go but many others want to and they should too .

AllPlayedOut · 23/09/2020 18:41

People who are being twats to the OP: fucking shame on you. You have NO IDEA what living with a chronic medical condition is like until you have experienced it.

Some of us have chronic medical conditions and/or disabilities. I have both so I know what it's like and f I get a cold, yes just a cold, they near floor me. It takes me 3-4 months to recover so I can't say that I'd look forward to getting Covid because I think I'd likely have a pretty bad case of it but I have to live my life regardless and I lost almost two consecutive years to anxiety and that's no way to live. Hiding away to the extent that you almost never go out is not living, it's existing and is so detrimental to your health and it's frustrating to see it being promoted as a good thing, unless you are so extremely vulnerable that there's no option.

I don't know how high risk the OP is exactly but regardless of vulnerability a sense of perspective needs to be kept. I can understand her not wanting to go into restaurants but she is extremely unlikely to get it from a drive through coffee cup.Exceptional circumstances asides Avoiding getting Covid should not be the only priority. Quality of life and good mental health matter too and it's disturbing to see the extreme anxiety that the slightest of risks is causing in people.

FatherTedsBankAccount · 23/09/2020 18:47

Quality of life and good mental health matter too and it's disturbing to see the extreme anxiety that the slightest of risks is causing in people.

I totally agree. But for some people, avoiding unnecessary risk (and take-away coffee is not a necessary prerequisite of the Good Life) can improve their quality of life and give them a modicum of peace of mind and the sense that they are exercising some much needed control over a largely uncontrollable and scary set of circumstances.

Also, if you were not one of the people being a sneering twat to the OP, I wasn't having a go at you.

All I'm saying is that we know SO little about this virus that it effectively has shut down the whole world. And I what I have seen of it in my own circle makes me more likely to be cautious than I might be of other, better understood risks.

Legoandloldolls · 23/09/2020 18:52

Nothing is 100% safe. If you remove covid by clicking your fingers right now, there would still be potential death at every turn. Dh almost died at work a few years ago in a bag fall from.height.

Everyone is different I respect that but I want to cram life in. If it's going to get to 50,000 cases a day, it's going to find most of us eventually and it will either kill you or not. If it's going to be fatal on a personal level it will either kill you sooner or later.

People touch food in the supply chain in the same way. Not that I want catch it, I dont of course and I am careful and follow rules. But I'm not too scared to be alive and live my life.

AllPlayedOut · 23/09/2020 18:54

The trouble is though that "listening to your fears" often helps to feed them. If I listened to mine and did only what made me comfortable then I'd probably still be trapped in my home, or I'd be dead as listening to my anxiety and not going out made my depression, anxiety and OCD worse until I got to the point where I was like a walking ghost and suicidal with it. There has to be a happy medium between taking reasonable precautions and avoiding every conceivable risk, no matter how tiny or unlikely.

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 23/09/2020 19:01

I really really really don’t think anyone is getting it from cups someone touched.
However, being in a restaurant or cafe potentially means you are indoors in a poorly ventilated space with lots of other people over a sustained period of time- so it is potentially unsafe but not for the reason you suggested!

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 23/09/2020 19:02

Also, drive through is fine, go and enjoy a coffee.

LittlePearl · 23/09/2020 19:13

My friend's wife had it really badly, but he didn't get it, despite sharing the same space and looking after her when she was vey ill.

It's very contagious, yes, but I think some people are overly cautious and fearful. And I say that as someone who REALLY doesn't want to get it and tries to be pretty careful.

Inkpaperstars · 23/09/2020 19:45

If someone with covid coughed on their hand, then touched the cup in the place you are about to drink from, I would think the chance of catching it is high. But hopefully that is not happening much. We are basically reliant on people who work in and use coffee shops etc to practice good hygeine as they should at all times. The more businesses can make it clear their staff our doing that, the more custom they will probably get.

goingtotown · 23/09/2020 19:56

@shesfancy I’m not anxious. I just see a genuine risk

Well just stay at home & stop putting your fear on to others.

mumof2exhausted · 23/09/2020 20:06

If you have previously been shielding I totally understand why you are frightened but you do understand this is going to be life for next 6 months (at least). If you can live without venturing out then that’s your choice. Personally I’ve eaten out at few restaurants (sat outside) and today me and a friend went for coffee and cake and it was brilliant. I’m picky about where I go, only places with Covid measures in place. My kids both at school and been in kids clubs over summer. I’ve been going to shops since May. I’ve been pregnant over lockdown. Baby now 6 weeks old. I’ve not had it and nor has anyone I know. For my mental state getting some kind of normal is vital.

borntohula · 23/09/2020 20:45

@vanillandhoney

I can't believe that people are unaware that even generally healthy people who catch CV-19 are often very, very unwell and many are being left with life-altering after effects.

The same goes for flu, but people don't lock themselves in their houses all winter.

Exactly and anyway, my point was, you can hide now but you'd be very lucky to go your entire life without catching a disease that is as contagious as flu (could be wrong about that)? I mean, who hasn't had at least one bout of flu?
Egghead68 · 23/09/2020 20:51

@shesfancy if you’re not comfortable with it don’t do it.

CottonHeadedNinyMuggins · 23/09/2020 21:01

Oh my darling, we were shielding for 5 months and not meant to - for the majority of that period - do anything other than opening a window. We weren't meant to have any face to face contact at all.

... We still got our shopping delivered by the supermarket (who put the crates at the door moments before we took things out and stood at the gate whilst we finished) and had the odd takeaway deliveries where they put it in the porch for us.

There's a point where you have to trust the companies disenfectant/hygiene policies and allow yourself what you enjoy :)

Honeypickle · 23/09/2020 21:05

As the owner of a cafe, desperately hoping everyone is going to enjoy coming back to eat with us, I find your OP post upsetting. We’re doing the best we can. If you’re not happy coming into cafes or restaurants - just don’t come in. Please don’t spread negative scare mongering posts. We have enough to deal with.

FreshFreesias · 23/09/2020 21:08

Just stay at home then.
What on earth do you want? All the cafes to close? No words

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