Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think restaurants & coffee shops aren’t safe!!

210 replies

shesfancy · 23/09/2020 15:27

Okay, I haven’t yet been to a restaurant or coffee shop since lockdown was lifted, but I don’t understand at all, how they can be safe.

I considered a drive thru coffee a few days ago but changed my mind. I mean how can it be safe drinking from a cup someone has touched moments before? Surely this is worse than being less than 2m to someone?

I’ve made the decision to not eat or drink out for the foreseeable, DH said I’m being over the top.
I don’t think it’s safe and I’m sticking with that.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 23/09/2020 16:55

I can't believe that generally healthy people haven't just accepted that they will catch the virus at some point in their lives, just as they do other contagious illnesses. I don't even care if I get flamed for that Well, to be fair most people avoid someone who e.g. has a cold/flu/other virus by saying they don’t want to catch it. Most people would think someone coming into work full of cold was unreasonable, so although the response to COVID is currently a bit more extreme than that, I highly doubt that even those who think the healthy should just get it would be jumping for joy if someone who had tested positive for COVID decided not to stay off work because they were a-symptomatic.

Also, while most healthy people will survive the illness, it is still fairly unpleasant, much like the flu is.

And lastly, you don’t actually know you’re perfectly healthy. You could have an underlying condition you don’t know about. I did, until i caught the flu four years ago, ended up on life support and diagnosed with a genetic heart condition which I could never in a million years have guessed I have. Additional complications and heart damage later and I’m heading for the transplant list, although mercifully I am currently well enough not to yet be on it. When I got the flu I would also have said I don’t have any underlying conditions. I’d had the flu before, never thought anything of it..

It’s easy to say “it won’t happen to me,” until it does.

BrazenlyDefying · 23/09/2020 16:56

I don’t think it’s safe and I’m sticking with that.

And what exactly is "safe"? As others have said, if you didn't avoid coffee shops or takeaways this time last year because of hygiene concerns, then what's changed? All decent food outlets have really ramped up wiping, cleaning, handwashing, masks. Covid doesn't leach through your skin onto a cup, and then from that cup onto someone else's skin and into your lungs.

It's all very well saying things like "assess your own risk" but when there are so many fundamental misunderstandings of basics like ways of transmission, that's impossible to do.

A lot of the hyper-anxious people are fixated on the VIRUS DETECTED ON SURFACES FOR 72 HOURS thing without knowing the whole story. Science is clever enough to detect all manner of viruses and bacteria on all manner of surfaces. But even if something is detected, it's a huge leap to think that for starters you're going to transfer it into your body (which would involve you touching the same place someone else had touched after getting virus on their hands and then you putting your own hands in your mouth without washing them) and then that the amount of virus is enough to have any effect at all.

I suggest you seek help for your anxiety OP as you sound very OTT and worried if you won't even touch a coffee cup. And this virus is going to be around for a LONG time. We all need to learn to live with it.

Mum45678 · 23/09/2020 16:59

What is with all these crazy posts on Mumsnet today? Who wants to live their life shut up in a house and never coming out for fear of catching Covid? What sort of life is that?

I think you are being very OTT. You would be best advised to reduce your BMI as a way of minimising your chances of contracting Covid.

hahoohayou · 23/09/2020 16:59

@ThatLibraryMiss

The most likely way you'll get infected with Covid 19.

Hint: it's not your shopping or touching a coffee cup.

@ThatLibraryMiss

Hmm this article references that one woman spread it to 27 other people at a Starbucks restaurant, expect for the staff, who were all wearing masks.

The purpose of wearing a mask is to protect others and not yourself, unless of course your mask is medical grade, which I highly doubt Starbucks staff were wearing.

AmberAndAlexsMum · 23/09/2020 17:01

I noticed that the servers at McDonald's were wearing disposable gloves as they passed my order through the window, and I saw her change them afterwards

Treesofwood · 23/09/2020 17:02

There was some poor woman on here today who was berated for passing a baby blanket to her friend due to the risk of covid.
And now the opposite view here. One of the best things you can do to be safer is to lose weight. I'm not sure not accepting a coffee from a drive through Starbucks will have much of an impact.

Lipz · 23/09/2020 17:02

@Hardbackwriter

I often get people, including family who know our health history who often feel the need to tell me I'm ruining my child's life, treating my dh like a delicate piece of china, I'm ott and neurotic etc but at the end of the day, it's my own choice how I feel and react to this virus, just like it is yours.

I think if family who know you and care about you are worried that you're 'ruining your child's life' it's at least worth thinking about whether there's something behind it? It is your own choice but it sounds like you're very much affecting others.

My family think my dd should be back in school, dhs family are annoyed we don't visit them or let them come here. My in-laws are all working, socialising, going on holiday.

My dd is severely disabled with a chromosome disorder, under this comes many illnesses, like epilepsy, low immune system, growth disorder, autism, lung condition, scoliosis, plus many more illnesses, her low immune system means she picks everything up, an everyday cold can turn to a 3 week stay in hospital with chest and lung problems, every year she gets up to 15 viral infections. She's now on over 20 medications a day, that's not counting her special foods and drinks and injections she gets. She's in a wheelchair unable to do anything for herself, she's non verbal so we have to guess what is wrong with her when she's upset, she is 13 years old but has the body and mind of a 3 year old, she's like a baby in alot of ways, still in nappies, bottle fed and spoon fed her special food by us. We wash, dress and do everything for her.

That's just a snippet of my dds life. If you still think I'm 'very much affecting others', then that's fine, I respect your opinion however I don't agree with it. We've been told by gp and pediatrician that going to school during these times is not advisable, they even did a medical report for the school as her health is so fragile they do not believe she would survive covid.

middleager · 23/09/2020 17:05

I think you are being OTT, especially when risk of transmission on surfaces isn't as 'deathly' as we were led to believe.

I havent RTFT but guessing you don't need to work then or have kids?

middleager · 23/09/2020 17:10

@Mum45678

What is with all these crazy posts on Mumsnet today? Who wants to live their life shut up in a house and never coming out for fear of catching Covid? What sort of life is that?

I think you are being very OTT. You would be best advised to reduce your BMI as a way of minimising your chances of contracting Covid.

OP is young too at between 20 to 40 and can change their BMI.
ChodeOfChodeBall · 23/09/2020 17:15

I think it sounds completely batshit, but a) I probably do things that other people think are batshit; and b) I'm not bothered whether I catch Covid or not.

You're presumably not getting much exercise if you're only leaving the house once a month? That's arguably far worse for you than going out for a coffee.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 23/09/2020 17:18

I overuse of the words 'safe' and 'vulnerable' are really starting to piss me off!

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/09/2020 17:21

OP it sounds like you are fairly risk averse and have good reason to want to avoid covid more than most people. But also as though you may not understand how the virus manages to infect people and so are not accurately assessing relative risk.

A takeout coffee is low risk because the virus isn’t passed on in food and drink and even if the server had covid or had served a customer who had covid it would be very difficult to pass on enough of the virus via transfer on the cup for you to catch it. Similarly, catching it from cross contamination on your shopping is highly unlikely and wiping down shopping is not seen as necessary, especially if you refrain from touching your face and wash your hands after putting it away.

Being near people in an enclosed space, especially if they are exercising, shouting, singing, coughing or sneezing, is high risk because, if someone has it, a fair amount of the virus will go from their mouths into the air and pass with some force over a fair distance. If the air is still it will hang around rather than being dispersed and you are more likely to breath in enough of it to make you sick (hence why being outdoors and ventilation make a big difference). The closer you are to them the more likely you are breath in enough to make you sick. Masks seem to protect others by stopping some of the virus being expelled into the air making it less likely someone near a mask wearer will get enough of the virus to get sick so safe distance between mask wearers is less than between others. There may also be some protective benefits to the mask wearer, though I believe those benefits are less well established.

Even with underlying conditions, most people who catch covid seem to recover well. We have not yet been able to measure fully the incidence of long-term, non-fatal consequences, but we do know that most people recover fully.

How much risk you take is, ultimately, up to you. I don’t want to minimize the risk of infecting someone with underlying conditions, but you probably took riskier actions, for yourself at lest, in driving anywhere than you would have by picking up a takeaway coffee. Covid isn’t magically worse than the other things that could possibly happen and there’s no need to treat it as more of a threat than it is, or to ignore other needs you have for both your physical and mental health (though I’m not suggesting a takeaway coffee is any kind of need, just that this could be around for a long time and you have a life to lead just as you did before it was around). You should incorporate the actual risk of covid causing harm into your life and not magnify it above other risks.

rooarsome · 23/09/2020 17:24

It's your decision, but I do feel this extreme anxiety is detrimental to many. My parents are exactly the same

Bahhh · 23/09/2020 17:32

Yeah you might lower your risk of catching and it dying but you're not living either are you. Miserable existence

hahoohayou · 23/09/2020 17:37

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

If you have a bmi of 30, the best thing you can probably do to reduce risk of severe Covid is lose weight. I presume you are focusing on that.
@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The OP has a BMI of 30, not 40!!
40 is the recognised risk factor!

catherinep80 · 23/09/2020 17:43

I've eaten out quite a lot in the last 2 months and I have to say that everywhere I've been is really going out of their way to make sure they follow the guidelines. They're really doing everything they can to keep customers safe and I've always felt comfortable and socially distanced enough from other customers (although covid is always there at the back of your mind I guess).

If I was that fearful I think my mental health would be starting to suffer by now. I know it's not 100% safe, but at this stage, when WILL it be? It could be years. And where do you draw the line? My kids go to school, music lessons, swimming. My husband goes to work outside the home, goes to the gym. I work from home but I go to the shops and ferry the family around etc. The risks are everywhere, but we choose to try and carry on as normal while following the guidelines. I feel like going to the occasional cafe or restaurant isn't really any riskier than anything else we do.

knittingaddict · 23/09/2020 17:48

I overuse of the words 'safe' and 'vulnerable' are really starting to piss me off!

I assume that you mean the overuse. I think I used both words in my post. Why does it bother you so much?

ZolaGrey · 23/09/2020 17:49

You asked if people thought you were being OTT.

The majority said you were.

Now you're arguing the toss Hmm

shesfancy · 23/09/2020 17:54

@middleager

I havent RTFT but guessing you don't need to work then or have kids?

I work from home.

OP posts:
shesfancy · 23/09/2020 17:55

@ZolaGrey

You asked if people thought you were being OTT.

The majority said you were.

Now you're arguing the toss Hmm

@ZolaGrey

Arguing?! With who? Where? How?!

OP posts:
VaTeLaverLesMains · 23/09/2020 17:58

The OP has inflammatory arthritis, she may be on immunosuppressive treatment.

People with chronic disease are more vulnerable and also possibly more risk averse, as adding another chronic disease to the ones we already have may just make it impossible to live independently in the future.

It's hard to imagine being chronically ill until you've tried it.

Let's all just be nice to each other in a shit situation.

ElizabethG81 · 23/09/2020 17:59

I think you're being way OTT and probably need to speak to your doctor about your anxiety.

The number of people agreeing with you is concerning. We're in for a hell of a mental health crisis in the coming months.

VaTeLaverLesMains · 23/09/2020 17:59

Also losing weight if on steroids can be very hard, especially if mobility is limited due to pain.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 23/09/2020 18:02

OP we have been extremely careful and we continue to be, we arent increasing our personal risk (of catching or spreading) beyond school and work so arent going to coffee shops, restaurants, pubs etc, i only go into shops if i really need to and have deliveries but i do think your being a little OTT about not having a takeaway coffee. We have had plenty of takeaways during lockdown and now.

shesfancy · 23/09/2020 18:05

@ElizabethG81
I think you're being way OTT and probably need to speak to your doctor about your anxiety.

I’m not anxious. I just see a genuine risk.

OP posts: