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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think restaurants & coffee shops aren’t safe!!

210 replies

shesfancy · 23/09/2020 15:27

Okay, I haven’t yet been to a restaurant or coffee shop since lockdown was lifted, but I don’t understand at all, how they can be safe.

I considered a drive thru coffee a few days ago but changed my mind. I mean how can it be safe drinking from a cup someone has touched moments before? Surely this is worse than being less than 2m to someone?

I’ve made the decision to not eat or drink out for the foreseeable, DH said I’m being over the top.
I don’t think it’s safe and I’m sticking with that.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RedRumTheHorse · 23/09/2020 16:32

YABU

I've sat in pub beer gardens - choosing the pubs due to how spread out the tables are - and been fine.

I've been in a cafe. My DP chose the cafe carefully due to how tables being spread out.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 23/09/2020 16:32

@borntohula

I can't believe that generally healthy people haven't just accepted that they will catch the virus at some point in their lives, just as they do other contagious illnesses. I don't even care if I get flamed for that.
This. I totally agree.

@shesfancy If you are healthy your being OTT.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 23/09/2020 16:32

You’re*

Hardbackwriter · 23/09/2020 16:34

They are perfectly safe, but you don't want to hear that.

I don't think they are perfectly safe, but then what is? For me the chance I'll contract Covid from a restaurant is as acceptable a risk as driving there; neither is 100% safe but both feel within my personal risk tolerance. Obviously that's a choice everyone has to make for themselves.

IcedPurple · 23/09/2020 16:35

I can't believe that people are unaware that even generally healthy people who catch CV-19 are often very, very unwell and many are being left with life-altering after effects.

Given that we've only known about the existence of this virus for less than a year, I'm not sure how you can say that "many are being left with life-altering after effects". Post-viral illness can happy after any virus, but there's little evidence yet that this is particularly the case with Covid.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/09/2020 16:35

They are safe because transmission of the virus through surfaces is minimal.

loulouljh · 23/09/2020 16:36

well don't go then!!!!! Nothing in this world is safe!!! As someone above says the car journey is far more perilous than having a cup of coffee out somewhere!!!

rosie1959 · 23/09/2020 16:36

Nothing is 100% safe
Unless you are going to lock yourself away for the foreseeable
I have eaten out in restaurants been for a coffee and it hasn't even crossed my mind that the cutlery ect is going to be infected Very very unlikely
I have even stayed in a hotel for a week and I am still here to tell the tale
Depends how much you want to put your life on hold
I am getting on a bit and I dont intend putting life on hold more than I have to
Oh and I dont washing shopping that to me is totally unnecessary just wash my hands once I have put it away

Lipz · 23/09/2020 16:37

I understand your concern. I think when people have underlying conditions and those who have lost people to covid do think differently.

Having 2 here with serious underlying conditions and still shielding and having lost quite a few to covid it is very concerning that if the virus came into our home there would be deaths. Not something I'm wanting to take a chance with.

I often get people, including family who know our health history who often feel the need to tell me I'm ruining my child's life, treating my dh like a delicate piece of china, I'm ott and neurotic etc but at the end of the day, it's my own choice how I feel and react to this virus, just like it is yours.

It does not matter what others think, what's important is, if you don't feel safe somewhere or doing something, it's no one else's business.

I think when you haven't done something for a while it does get more difficult to get back into trying things we took for granted before. The day will come where you will feel safe.

Don't let other people make you feel your choices are wrong. Everyone is still learning about this virus, even the experts. Do what feels right for you. Every household is different, while my home is like a small hospital my ndd is like party Central with parties 3 nights a week and lots of people.

IcedPurple · 23/09/2020 16:37

It always amazes me how sniffy people insist on being about anything they personally don't enjoy. I don't enjoy watching sport, doing any form of craft, going to classical music concerts or watching 99% of what's on TV but I don't think it means that there's somehow something wrong with any of those things or people who enjoy them.

Not to mention all the people who make a living from these activities. Hence all the posts about how "Oh I never go to the pub so I don't care if they all close down."

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/09/2020 16:37

If you have a bmi of 30, the best thing you can probably do to reduce risk of severe Covid is lose weight. I presume you are focusing on that.

TableFlowerss · 23/09/2020 16:40

Yes it’s over the top but it’s your prerogative to live in such fear

Giningit · 23/09/2020 16:42

OP I would prefer it if more people felt like you so that I could go out more often with friends and family. So... don’t go out, the world outside is fraught with danger! Don’t risk it!

lljkk · 23/09/2020 16:43

Most transmission is happening within domestic settings and hospital type places.

I don't know how your mental health ever survived with norovirus on the loose, OP.

Littered5 · 23/09/2020 16:44

@TableFlowerss

Yes it’s over the top but it’s your prerogative to live in such fear
😂
Hardbackwriter · 23/09/2020 16:44

I often get people, including family who know our health history who often feel the need to tell me I'm ruining my child's life, treating my dh like a delicate piece of china, I'm ott and neurotic etc but at the end of the day, it's my own choice how I feel and react to this virus, just like it is yours.

I think if family who know you and care about you are worried that you're 'ruining your child's life' it's at least worth thinking about whether there's something behind it? It is your own choice but it sounds like you're very much affecting others.

AlternativePerspective · 23/09/2020 16:45

Think responses to the OP are OTT. She doesn’t feel comfortable going to a coffee shop and that’s her prerogative.

One thing I would say though OP is that there is potentially middle ground here. You can buy a reuseable cup in Starbucks and they will fill it for you (and the coffee then costs less as a result.) My DS bought some metal straws purely because he can’t stand those paper ones. So you could still buy coffee in Starbucks and be in control of who had touched it etc.

As for wiping down the shopping, can you honestly say that it makes you feel safe? And do you really think that that is good for your mental health? Obviously there is an anxiety which leads you to feel you should be sterilising the shopping in the first place. Is that something you could think about letting go for a bit? Just to see whether the anxiety over the need to wipe the shopping is overtaken by the anxiety over catching the virus?

I am considered very vulnerable, as in, if I catch COVID, I am unlikely to survive it, and if I do, the potential damage to my lungs could be such that I will not be eligible for the heart transplant I will one day need.

On medical advice I am still staying away from public transport, and I had no desire to drink coffee even before the virus. But I’ve never even considered wiping down the shopping,because it involves too much over thinking to live in a sterile bubble.

It is possible to avoid the virus where possible. The figures are up today by 6178 and the death rate is going up again, and we need to be cautious. But equally we’re all going to die of something. And there’s no point being so worried about dying that you’re not living.

Inkpaperstars · 23/09/2020 16:46

I can't believe that generally healthy people haven't just accepted that they will catch the virus at some point in their lives, just as they do other contagious illnesses. I don't even care if I get flamed for that

Well, people have been asked to reduce their risk and try to avoid getting it to keep numbers down right now. That's quite key.

Admittedly, many people may also be avoiding risk for their own reasons. Read an article yesterday with a neurologist saying he is doing everything he can to avoid it due to fears of it contributing to Parkinson's development. That scared me as I think I have already had it.

Interestingly, Chris Whitty said in his Gresham presentation on covid that even in a situation where it spread freely to a natural peak, many people would not get it.

IcedPurple · 23/09/2020 16:47

Think responses to the OP are OTT. She doesn’t feel comfortable going to a coffee shop and that’s her prerogative.

Of course, but she chose to start a thread with the specific purpose of eliciting other people's opinions.

DanaScully53 · 23/09/2020 16:48

Local cafe on the high street has tables outside both sides of the door leaving customers less than 3ft to get in through the door between the diners. I give them a very wide berth.

vanillandhoney · 23/09/2020 16:49

I can't believe that people are unaware that even generally healthy people who catch CV-19 are often very, very unwell and many are being left with life-altering after effects.

The same goes for flu, but people don't lock themselves in their houses all winter.

Khadernawazkhan · 23/09/2020 16:49

Let's all think the worst, be worried and tank millions of jobs.

We need to get the economy moving!!!

Doingitaloneandproud · 23/09/2020 16:51

If you don't want to go don't go, but as you haven't been you can't really say they aren't safe, as you haven't been to see the new measures in place
You don't feel you're being unreasonable not going, and others aren't being unreasonable to go either

Kinneddar · 23/09/2020 16:54

@NekoShiro

I'm with you OP, I haven't actually come out of lockdown yet, I leave my flat once aonth to get medicine and that's it, everything's delivered and sanitised before getting put away, the idea of long covid is what worries me and I'm fortunate enough that I can carry on this way for at least 4 more months with no financial issues.
I wouldn't by any stretch of the imagination say you're fortunate. Thats no way to live.

This virus could be around for years how long do you think you can last like that.

Shoxfordian · 23/09/2020 16:55

Its up to you but I'm really happy restaurants are open. Eating out 4 times this week