Newborn mask wearing

[firstpregnancy1]

I'm currently pregnant and due next week with my first baby!

I have quite a big family who live in various places in the Uk, mostly the south, none in the stricter lockdown areas.

I've been umming and ahhing for a long while about how it's going to look after baby is born and how /when/logistics of family visiting and I've very much been 'let's wait and see'. But that time is ever approaching!

My query isn't whether or not to let family meet the newborn, but rather should I request people wear masks when they're holding him/close by? All of my family and friends who visit are mask wearers in shops etc so no one with any medical exemptions or any other exemptions and I'm sure all would oblige. (Some may oblige whilst I raising their eyebrows or jokily call me precious but would oblige nonetheless as they would respect our choices).

In terms of risk, my partner works in central London and will only be having 2 weeks off work paternity leave before going back to the daily grind of commuting on the train and the tube and then working in a role which is mostly office based but regularly coming into close contact with members of the public in situations which don't allow for social distancing/mask wearing, depending on the circumstances.

So the liklihood is that he will be coming and going from work, in central London, and he won't be wearing a mask around the baby so does that make us a bit hypocritical to then ask others to, as chances are he will be back at work before a lot of our family will have had chance to visit.

For clarity, we wouldn't be breaking the rule of 6, people would be visiting either on their own or with their partner, and nor would it be different visitors every day of the week, were probably talking both sets of grandparents and both sides sibling within the first few weeks and then wider family in dribs and drabs in the following few weeks.

If you're personally choosing not to have visitors for your newborns at all, that's your choice but please dont hound me for our decisions to allow visitors, the query here is about asking relatives to wear masks or not.

Thanks

Yep to masks and not letting visitors hold the baby.

@daisypond your comment is exactly what is wrong with the response of people to covid restrictions;

'I am hurt and angry, so I am going to take that anger out on other people who are also hurt and angry, and I am going to emotionally stamp them into the ground until we are all utterly miserable'.

This woman isnt your enemy. I am going to hold out hope that this time last year, you wouldn't have been this nasty to a vulnerable new mother with a newborn baby, and it's just anger that makes you say these things to people.

But surely in times of a Pandemic compromises need to be made. Have close family come to see the baby, but is it really necessary to have every relative come. If OP and other people reduce their social contacts, then that gives people like @daisypond more of a chance of getting her treatment.

@daisypond @ineedaholidaynow I posted a thread asking for opinions on a particular topic and it's entirely reasonable to ask for the thread to stay on topic. As I have said, this thread wasn't to have a debate about whether or not to hold baby as that part has already been decided. You may disagree with that and that's totally fine, I'm sure millions of people would also disagree, and that's also fine, but that doesn't mean the thread needs to be derailed when there was a clear discussion topic, which incidentally has been discussed by many people who are/have also either held newborns or allowed their newborns to be held. This isn't a case of me 'not wanting to hear it' if people think I'm making bad parenting decisions, parents make different decisions all the time on a whole host of topics. That's fine, that's part of life. I've said multiple times now I understand that allowing holds isn't in line with strict social distancing, so for you to keep going on about it isn't really serving a purpose when my topic was solely about masks.
@ineedaholidaynow just to correct your last statement though, wearing a mask whilst being in close contact absolutely does reduce risk. Not as much as wearing a mask whilst also distancing, but it is still a reduction in overall risk.

@SqidgeBum thanks for the support, clearly some people are happy to follow every rule and all guidance to the letter, which is fine, but I absolutely agree with you!

@daisypond @ineedaholidaynow @SqidgeBum

Eugh I'm going to mute myself from the thread soon as I'm getting drawn in and I didn't want to be as it's silly.

Your comment about people making compromises will mean that people like daisypond can get their treatments is so flawed though.

Under the rules - a person can meet with 6 people from multiple households. So let's say today i decided to have a gathering of 5 friends, from different households, at my house, all social distancing, following the rules 100% and then tomorrow I decide to have another gathering with a different 5 friends, then the next day, a gathering with 5 of my family memebers from different households, then the day after have 5 work colleagues over from different households.. and so on. If I did that every day of the week, that would be 35 odd different households all mixed over the course of a week, and yet because we may have been socially distancing in my home, and no more than 6 people at one time, then you think that that is less risky and less contributory to the spread, in comparison to allowing roughly 10 people to hold my newborn over the course of probably about 10 weeks?

That's a ridiculous scenario but it highlights why following the rules 100% doesn't necessarily mean you are being the least risky and it's the exact reason why sensible people are following the rules and guidance but also taking some of the guidance less strictly.

If I can know myself that I haven't been to a pub, havent socialised with more than a small handful of people, haven't flouted the rules, then I am completely ok with my decision to allow some of my family newborn cuddles.

Again, if you don't agree, totally fine.

I disagree that I have been nasty at all. I hold my opinion that the OP is irresponsible.

My son and dil are expecting their first baby in February, and I will absolutely comply with their wishes. If they me and DH to wear a mask then of course we will.

Well I think the rule of 6 where you can mix households is rubbish, and my attitude is all because you can, doesn't mean you should! And I am sure that rule will change pretty quickly because it is rubbish!

I think it’s very sensible to make people who come round wear masks. But I think not letting people hold the newborn is a much better idea - unless you really need them to. I don’t think you should ever worry about offending people in this respect.

When my Dd was a newborn she needed an op quite urgently and couldn’t catch a cold or it would have to be put off. It helped that I was bf at the time, but everyone who came round wore masks and were happy to do so.

What a horrid post. What a weird world we are living in ATM, if people think it's okay to view their grandchildren through glass screens, and if people think that new mothers are ok if they're just left to get on with it without any real life support.

Demanding to hold a baby for a "cuddle" is not offering the mum any kind of support ChodeOfChodeBall

You can absolutely support a new mother whilst respecting current social distancing rules at the same time. Wanting a "cuddle" is just a selfish move. Yes it's nice to hold a baby, but the baby doesn't care when he has loving parents, it's only for your own benefit.

@SantaClaritaDiet where has the op said anyone is demanding cuddles? Noone has said that. The op herself would like some family to have a hold. If she didn't want them too, I'm sure her family would respect that.

Yetiyoga
I was replying to a specific poster, who sounded just like a MIL from hell throwing her toys out of the pram.

I totally agree and respect the wishes of the OP to ask for her family to wear a mask as I have said earlier in the thread. No one is missing out on anything because they are being asked to wear a mask, that was my point.

I’ll be wearing a mask when I meet my friends baby later this year. I’ll wash my hands too and only meet baby outside. Not risking passing it on as I have three kids, all who are in school or pre school

The rule of thumb is supposed to be distance when you can, mask when you can’t.

This ridiculous situation where Boris has chosen when and where masks should be worn puts people in a difficult place.

Ask them to mask and if they say no, they have to stay 2m away. If they don’t like it, tough.

@SantaClaritaDiet Who said anyone was demanding cuddles?

I think, as I said, that the OP should do whatever she's comfortable with, and not ask Mumsnet because she won't get much sense out of anyone on here, really.

Am also due a baby in a few weeks, and will also ask people to wear a mask when they have a cuddle of the baby- once they hand her back they can take it off obviously but while they’re holding her I think it’s completely reasonable. This is my third, I wasn’t PFB about my first even, but I do think this is just common sense!

You really can't understand why a grandparent would want to hold their grandchildren?

DD was in a plastic box for the first 3 weeks of her life. In NNICU for 6. My parents could visit but could not hold or even touch her. The rest of my family couldn’t even visit. For the first 3 weeks, I had to ask the permission of a nurse to hold my own baby. I wasn’t even able to do that for her first 4 days. We all managed perfectly well and it hasn’t affected any bond with them.

We understood it was extenuating circumstances and we didn’t throw a hissy fit about it.

If anyone has seen the article about Carrie Symonds on holiday with their baby. She is away with her friends in Italy. The friend is pictured holding the baby. So if it OK for our Prime Minister's baby then frankly I don't know why people are moaning on here at the op (and others) who would like to let their parents / siblings have a cuddle!

We've got some transparent masks. Could you get a stash of these to offer visitors so your baby will still see the smiles? Good luck 😃

I'd be more than happy too. Wouldn't be an issue for me. It's a reasonable request. Non pandemic related but babies are sensitive anyway and prone to all sorts of viruses