Newborn mask wearing

[firstpregnancy1]

I'm currently pregnant and due next week with my first baby!

I have quite a big family who live in various places in the Uk, mostly the south, none in the stricter lockdown areas.

I've been umming and ahhing for a long while about how it's going to look after baby is born and how /when/logistics of family visiting and I've very much been 'let's wait and see'. But that time is ever approaching!

My query isn't whether or not to let family meet the newborn, but rather should I request people wear masks when they're holding him/close by? All of my family and friends who visit are mask wearers in shops etc so no one with any medical exemptions or any other exemptions and I'm sure all would oblige. (Some may oblige whilst I raising their eyebrows or jokily call me precious but would oblige nonetheless as they would respect our choices).

In terms of risk, my partner works in central London and will only be having 2 weeks off work paternity leave before going back to the daily grind of commuting on the train and the tube and then working in a role which is mostly office based but regularly coming into close contact with members of the public in situations which don't allow for social distancing/mask wearing, depending on the circumstances.

So the liklihood is that he will be coming and going from work, in central London, and he won't be wearing a mask around the baby so does that make us a bit hypocritical to then ask others to, as chances are he will be back at work before a lot of our family will have had chance to visit.

For clarity, we wouldn't be breaking the rule of 6, people would be visiting either on their own or with their partner, and nor would it be different visitors every day of the week, were probably talking both sets of grandparents and both sides sibling within the first few weeks and then wider family in dribs and drabs in the following few weeks.

If you're personally choosing not to have visitors for your newborns at all, that's your choice but please dont hound me for our decisions to allow visitors, the query here is about asking relatives to wear masks or not.

Thanks

My DD was born in March right at start of lockdown. No one held her or really saw her at all (except me, DH and health professionals) until she was 14 weeks old due to the rules. It was hard but I certainly don't think she suffered for it. She's been fine being held by other since it's been allowed here (Scotland). I likely would have been very selective about who held her up until her first set of immunisations anyway.

I'd think carefully about who benefits from your newborn being held - is it enough for them to look from a distance? A newborn is so vulnerable with no innate immunity to protect them.

If you chose to let others hold your baby try and protect them as much as possible in other ways. Breastfeed if you are able to (this will provide antibodies). And absolutely no kisses from anyone except you and her dad. I wouldn't have allowed kisses covid or not anyway (risk of neonatal HSV)

My friend had her baby three weeks ago and we were happy to wear masks at their request, we would have suggested it even if they hadn’t already asked. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask visitors to wear masks, especially when they are so tiny and vulnerable

I think it's very sensible OP. They should also wash their hands and use hand gel.

They shouldn’t be holding your baby anyway? I think it’s fine to ask people to wear a mask

I can’t see how holding a baby is distancing either .
Not in the time of Covid but I have had two very premature DC. So I was under strict instructions from the hospital that even a cold could cause serious complications . So once finally discharged I had to make everyone wash their hands on entering the house , not come at all if even a tiny bit of a cold / unwell and school age children were just banned “as germ reservoirs” to quote the hospital . I was also told it wasn’t recommended to go and visit my elderly grandmother in a care home ( which was pretty hard ) . Only a select few got a cuddle . Absolutely everyone understood and no one was phased by the request at all .

Your baby your rules . For what it is worth I would ask visitors to wear a mask . Why risk it ? If your visitors care about you and your baby they will do as you ask. Before everyone piles in saying premature babies are different to term babies - I repeat why take the risk. To be honest in the current crisis I really think I would be reducing the flow of visits anyway to just nearest and dearest . I was forced to in the early days anyway because I had been really ill - everyone caught up with us in the long run and it didn’t affect relationships at all. I think the spirit of the Covid rules is that we really need to keep our social interactions to a minimum. .

Sorry that should read - before anyone not everyone.

I think it’s fine to ask visitors to wear a mask. Personally I would be really cautious about them holding my newborn but I’m sure others would consider this over cautious. If I was visiting a new baby though I wouldn’t expect to have a hold (right now that is not in normal times!)

Thanks for this thread OP. I'm due in Nov - second child, eldest at school. We're not making decisions on this yet because the rules will more than likely change by then, but we've started discussing what we might do. The mask thing has come up, and I don't see anything wrong with asking people to do so at all (plus hand washing, of course). I would definitely adhere if asked. But my current feeling is that I would rather the baby not be held by others until after immunisations, as while the mask would provide some protection it would also be a very alien experience and I'm not sure I like the thought of baby seeing masked faces for the first few weeks of life. I think I'd rather ask people to wait until they can hopefully have a cuddle without a mask, a few more weeks down the line, but be able to visit and coo from more of a distance a bit earlier on.

Bit of a minefield this, isn't it.... 😏

YANBU

To me it sounds like a reasonable request for meeting with a newborn.

When I first read the title I thought you meant the newborn wearing the mask!

I had a baby in April (2nd one) at the height of the lockdown. I have only let the grandparents hold the baby, no one else as we're supposed to be socially distancing. Holding a newborn is not social distancing , personally I would be selective about who holds the baby as well . Newborns are largely indifferent and asleep in the early days anyway, they don't need anyone else holding them. But yes it's perfectly reasonable to ask them to wear a mask. They should respect your decision, your baby. Your partner has to go to work and do what he needs to do to support you as a family, visitors aren't essential so they should respect your wishes

Just to add, I really don't think a newborn baby is going to be affected by others around them wearing a mask!

It's going to be the adults who are bothered most by it.

I completely read that as your newborn wearing a mask and I'm like "where would you even get a mask that small?!"

Although I'm a bit confused - surely it's still the case and always has been that grandparents/relatives/friends/whoever can't hold your baby anyway?
Shouldn't even be hugging never mind holding? (Assuming you're in the UK, no idea about other places rules)

Hmm, it's a tough one, because you just have to go with what YOU'RE comfortable with. Don't sit there in a ball of anxiety while people hold your baby with no mask, or hold your baby with a mask for that matter.

Do whatever you feel is right for your family X

Anyone saying they will wash hands and put a mask on dont realise that if they are carrying the virus unknowingly it will be on their clothes. Washing hands and masking up is only good if you are socially distancing.
The rules are to socially distanced. Holding a baby is far from being socially distanced.
This is called social bonding.

I offered to wear a mask when meeting my cousins new baby. She laughed at me but I was perfectly happy to and had one ready. I dont think its absolutely necessary but certainly not a weird or OTT request

Do whatever you feel is right for your family

We have been specifically told not to make our own judgments on this today. The OP isn’t allowed to make the choice on social distancing. There are rules. Masks or no masks is a separate issue. I just don’t understand why people think it doesn’t apply to them.

I agree with others that no one should be close enough to hold the baby. The social distancing rules/restrictions that are currently in place aren't a choice for you to make OP. It is the attitude that it is a choice whether to follow these rules that has resulted in further tightening of restrictions today.

If people are visiting, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to wear a mask.

@3WildOnes

Under 5s are twice as likely to die from Flu than Covid, so I would think you were very precious and a bit bonkers privately. I would wear a mask though.

But surely if they are more at risk of dying from flu then the mask is even more necessary to limit spread of germs? Any germs.

They shouldn’t be within a metre of your baby and definitely not holding the baby. I think it’s reasonable to request they wear a mask.

@SantaClaritaDiet

Their babies need to be held and cuddled by the other people who love them. They need to feel them and smell them. The mothers need to know, viscerally, that they are part of something bigger than their own four walls.

you must have a pretty shit family if you don't feel part of it without them squeezing and smelling the baby.

What a horrid post. What a weird world we are living in ATM, if people think it's okay to view their grandchildren through glass screens, and if people think that new mothers are ok if they're just left to get on with it without any real life support.

It beggars belief.

Perfectly reasonable request.

Why wouldn't someone wear a mask near newborn.

Obviously some people have completely ignored the messages given today and yesterday.

@AKissAndASmile

Their babies need to be held and cuddled by the other people who love them. They need to feel them and smell them. The mothers need to know, viscerally, that they are part of something bigger than their own four walls. Anything else is completely shit.

WTF. In the middle of a pandemic?

Yes, in short. The world continues to turn despite the pandemic. New mothers still need support. New babies still need to be part of a bigger society than their parent/s.

However, I'm also mindful of the OP's most recent post.

OP, you do whatever you think best regarding masks/not masks. But I would just do it, whatever it is, and not ask Mumsnet.

@daisypond

Touching or holding the baby by visitors can’t happen, though. It’s not your choice to make. You have to socially distance. That’s why people are commenting.

It is still a choice to be made. We can all still make choices, whatever else the government says.

If we listen to them, we can't hold our grandchildren without a mask and load of agonising, but we can go to the pub. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

If I was asked round to get newborn cuddles I would wrap myself in clingfilm if the mum wanted. Joking aside I was a real tiger mum (not by choice I found anyone else holding my babies really stressful) I cannot imagine how stressful this would be now! I think your baby you can ask visitors to do whatever you need them to or decline visitors. Good luck with your new little one x