Newborn mask wearing

[firstpregnancy1]

I'm currently pregnant and due next week with my first baby!

I have quite a big family who live in various places in the Uk, mostly the south, none in the stricter lockdown areas.

I've been umming and ahhing for a long while about how it's going to look after baby is born and how /when/logistics of family visiting and I've very much been 'let's wait and see'. But that time is ever approaching!

My query isn't whether or not to let family meet the newborn, but rather should I request people wear masks when they're holding him/close by? All of my family and friends who visit are mask wearers in shops etc so no one with any medical exemptions or any other exemptions and I'm sure all would oblige. (Some may oblige whilst I raising their eyebrows or jokily call me precious but would oblige nonetheless as they would respect our choices).

In terms of risk, my partner works in central London and will only be having 2 weeks off work paternity leave before going back to the daily grind of commuting on the train and the tube and then working in a role which is mostly office based but regularly coming into close contact with members of the public in situations which don't allow for social distancing/mask wearing, depending on the circumstances.

So the liklihood is that he will be coming and going from work, in central London, and he won't be wearing a mask around the baby so does that make us a bit hypocritical to then ask others to, as chances are he will be back at work before a lot of our family will have had chance to visit.

For clarity, we wouldn't be breaking the rule of 6, people would be visiting either on their own or with their partner, and nor would it be different visitors every day of the week, were probably talking both sets of grandparents and both sides sibling within the first few weeks and then wider family in dribs and drabs in the following few weeks.

If you're personally choosing not to have visitors for your newborns at all, that's your choice but please dont hound me for our decisions to allow visitors, the query here is about asking relatives to wear masks or not.

Thanks

Oops " masks to be worn "!

@Yetiyoga thank you for the empathy for new parents in your post. The lack of it through some of these comments really is something. Being pregnant and having a baby during this pandemic let me tell you is stressful, isolating and upsetting. New parents really don't need on top of that people screeching at them about ThE RuLeS and how selfish and stupid they are being.

I am sure it is stressful having a baby through a pandemic, but meeting up with loads of people is not going to help the pandemic go away, and if new mums want things like toddler groups etc to resume or stay open, then people need to be sensible now as we go into the crucial winter months

@Yaty I just feel bad for the new parents. They need support in whatever way they can. I have told my sibling I want to help and not demand cuddles. It goes without saying that I really want a cuddle but I want to be helpful, cook, clean, washing. If they need someone to hold the baby while they go for a shower or a walk or whatever they need then so be it.

Under 5s are twice as likely to die from Flu than Covid, so I would think you were very precious and a bit bonkers privately. I would wear a mask though.

Same. I wouldn't say anything and I'd wear the mask, but I'd privately think you were being a bit bonkers.

@ineedaholidaynow I can't speak for others but I know a few new mum's at the moment (territory of my job) and they'd rather family support than baby and toddler groups..

@ineedaholidaynow

I am sure it is stressful having a baby through a pandemic, but meeting up with loads of people is not going to help the pandemic go away, and if new mums want things like toddler groups etc to resume or stay open, then people need to be sensible now as we go into the crucial winter months

No ones talking about meeting up with loads of people. Just some minimal semblance of family support. The fact you think its mums moaning about baby and toddler groups tells me you don't understand at all what it has been like at all.

The OP sounds as if over a period of weeks she is going to have numerous family members coming to see and cuddle the baby. Is that really necessary in a pandemic? Parents and siblings maybe for their support, but cousins, aunts etc? Yes in normal times that might be lovely, but these are not normal times. Might not be breaking the rule of 6 (although I am sure that might change in the next few weeks) but doesn’t mean it is sensible and should be done.

Some people don’t have family nearby, so baby groups etc will be their lifeline. Mixing many households in the close proximity of a house will not help the possibility of baby groups in a COVID secure place being able to carry on for other people.

I would personally think you were a bit OTT (baby is much more at risk from flu/ other things than covid) but I would only think this privately and would happily wear a mask in order to see your lovely new baby.

I would put this much in the same category as shoe removal - I hate having my socks or feet out unless I know the people really really well, but I obviously still do in and do not complain in 'shoe off' households. [Hope I don't start a shoe debate with that comment...]

[quote Yaty]@Yetiyoga thank you for the empathy for new parents in your post. The lack of it through some of these comments really is something. Being pregnant and having a baby during this pandemic let me tell you is stressful, isolating and upsetting. New parents really don't need on top of that people screeching at them about ThE RuLeS and how selfish and stupid they are being.[/quote]
I agree! I was told on another thread that I was being 'selfish' and thinking I was 'special' because I said I intend on having my mom come and help me with my toddler and my newborn once DH goes back to work. I have no family in the country, and I had post natal psychosis last time around, so my mom is flying over to stay as I want to avoid another complete breakdown.

It seems coronavirus has meant many peoples ability to empathise has just disappeared.

You can still have support from family without people touching you or the baby. It’s a pandemic.

@firstpregnancy1 first of all congrats! It's such an emotional time to be pregnant/have a baby - especially a first one - so try to enjoy it despite the circumstances! I am in a very similar situation to you. My (first!) baby was born start of August. Docs told me that baby was much more vulnerable pre birth in the final few weeks than once he was born. Obviously I am not ambivalent to my newborn getting Covid, but I am also pragmatic. I essentially fully isolated from March until post birth but, like you, my husband went back to work in Central London when baby was 2 weeks old. Tube (2 changes) there and back, and lots of face to face with lots of people every day at work. Not a whole lot we can do about it so he is as careful as he can be but at the end of the day there is always a risk. I have allowed visitors to hold my baby without a mask. They wash their hands, and obviously I have said please don't cough in his mouth or anything 😂 But the people I trust to hold my baby are people I trust have been generally sensible as regards Covid and mostly are less likely to catch it and pass it on than my husband is. All would wear a mask if I asked of course. Baby is 6 weeks now and breast fed so has probably built up a fairly decent immune system by now. For what it's worth, I am not a mask refusing "Covid isn't real it's a conspiracy" type. As I said, I am sensible and pragmatic and have weighed up the risks and come to my own decision as regards my baby, and wouldn't judge anyone else for any decision they would make for their own baby so just do what you are comfortable with. Good luck and enjoy all the cuddles with your new little one, it's an amazing time 😍

@Girlinglasses @SqidgeBum @Yaty @Yetiyoga @yoyo1234 @Goldencurtain @MagicalCreatures and everyone else who have kept on topic thank you for your advice and opinions it's definitely helped. It's a very special time and so incredibly hard to decide what's the best thing to do when there are so many variables and what ifs etc.

@daisypond @ineedaholidaynow @holox and everyone else continuing to debate/preach about how you shouldn't be allowing any holding/social distancing should be enforced at all times anyway etc. I totally appreciate that this is how you feel but as I have said a few times now, this wasn't the topic of the post so please kindly start another thread. I am fully aware that allowing my relatives to hold my baby doesn't conform with the social distancing guidelines, and despite what is said, that does in fact remain my decision to make. The enforceable laws are regarding numbers of people gathering. I am not intending to go against this. Social distancing within your home is advisable and absolutely what 'should' be done, but it is not mandatory nor is it enforceable and therefore remains a choice. One that I personally am willing to take for a number of reasons that I'm not intending to discuss here as it is not the topic of the thread. Should you wish to start your own threads about this issue, please do, and I will gladly cast my opinions.

@Coriandersucks

I thought you meant your newborn wearing a mask!

No I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request at all.

Me too 🤣 which would be dangerous of course!

Definitely ask people to wear a mask. Decent people would probably even suggest it!

Newborn babies do not need to be passed around like a parcel for the entertainment of relatives, they need to bond with their primary care-giver.
It's nice if your family want to come and see you and the baby but they don't need baby cuddles FFS.

I'm so confused. Are people ignoring the social distancing part of the rule of 6?!

@Thisisnotataste - yes!

I had a newborn end of May. Home birth. We made the decision that nobody outside of the household was to hold her, even though both of my parents in the same village literally hadn't been out of the house since lockdown was announced.
However, OH suddenly became very poorly and was rushed to hospital for 10 days. I had two boys at home (off school) and a new baby.
Spoke to my Health Visitor who said as it was exceptional circumstances I could form a support bubble with my parents. It would have been even more difficult without it.
Bit under normal circumstances we wouldn't be handing around the baby.

@firstpregnancy1
You posted in AIBU on the internet across the entire world. You don’t get to say what people can and can’t say and just pick the bits you want to hear. If people think you’re an irresponsible parent, they are going to say so.

I don't think you are unreasonable to ask, but if DP will be in central London, baby is more likely to be exposed from him so not sure I'd bother.

[quote daisypond]@firstpregnancy1
You posted in AIBU on the internet across the entire world. You don’t get to say what people can and can’t say and just pick the bits you want to hear. If people think you’re an irresponsible parent, they are going to say so.[/quote]
'Irresponsible parent'.

Wow. I bet you wouldnt say that to her face.

Before covid, parents took risks with newborns and babies every day. I took my baby to a playgroup filled with colds, flu, even possibly measles, when she was 2 weeks old. Should every parent just lock themselves away for weeks and weeks so their baby isnt exposed to the dozens and dozens of diseases and infections and viruses out there? Would you have told someone who let a grandparent hold a baby that they were an irresponsible parent because that grandparent could have had flu?

I do wonder if people have actually read FACTUAL, medical studies on babies and coronavirus, or if they are basing their judgements of new mothers as irresponsible parents on fear and sky news.

We really have become a harsh, cold, judgemental bunch.

But in all fairness the OP isn't just taking a risk with the baby, she is having multiple people in the house with no social distancing and therefore increasing the risk of transmission of the virus, which is why people have been asked to reduce social contacts where possible. The mask will make very little difference, masks and social distancing together help mitigate the risk. Wearing a mask when up close and personal will not really help reduce risk.

Wow. I bet you wouldnt say that to her face.
I would. Anyone who flouts the rules on social distancing without a good reason should be ashamed of themselves. Grandma wanting to hold a baby is not a good reason. Of course I’m going to judge. People like me can’t get life-saving treatment because other people think they are so special the rules don’t apply to them. I’m furious. The OP posted about masks. There’s absolutely no point in suggesting anyone wears a mask if the baby is going to be passed around for them to hold. It’s ridiculous.

@SqidgeBum
Please be my friend 😂
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