to just walk out the house and never come back?

[Tearingmyhairout1998]

I have a DS 9 months old and his sleeping pattern is getting me down. No matter what I do he wakes up in the night and it’s just me getting up with him. DS’ dad works 9-5 but was out of work up until last month. Even when not at work he did absolutely fuck all, whenever DS used to wake in the night when he wasn’t working he’d knee me in the back and wake me up and tell me to take him in the living room.

I am a glorified slave, everyday I look after DS, cook, clean the house, sort the laundry. Every single night “D”P goes to his friends on the next street for 2 hours and happily sits and plays with their kids. He won’t sit with DS when he gets home so I can eat my tea or have a shower so I’m having my evening meals that late I’m suffering such bad acid reflux and indigestion. Whenever I moan he tells me “he’s your son” as though I’m not allowed any spare time.

I feel like just walking out the house as it’s 2am and I’m running off no fucking sleep tomorrow again I want to cry.

You can’t win whilst you are with him. I think it is abuse to tell you that you are fat, lazy, ugly and a mess. I don’t think many people who were feeling good in themselves would accept that kind of comment. So I think he’s ground you down so you feel like nothing is ever good enough. I also think he is setting you up to fail constantly and that he is neglecting his son. I think you’ll get more sleep and peace in your own place without him and the stress of him being around. If he’s this awful to you then there probably isn’t a very nice and calm atmosphere for the little one to sleep well or for you to relax. I bet you feel under pressure to get the little one quiet and back to sleep for your partner too. Without him around you would have more freedom to find a way that works for you. Kick him out if you can and sleep whenever you get the chance, don’t do housework over sleep if you’re this exhausted!

He ia abusing you, why can't he clean the house. This isn't a relationship you are his slave and of course he won't change - why should he. Hopefully your mum can help as well as the HV - though I would be extremely careful, start moving items of value out of the house - you know you cannot live like this.

Good luck and stay safe.

Great that you're going to your mums soon. Why not leave DS there and have a night in a hotel for some sleep and breathing space.

You are also in a vicious circle while you’re with him, being with him makes you stressed, you resent how he treats you, you are constantly spoken down to, he expects you to keep everything tidy and do everything, you’re not eating or sleeping. Ds is picking up on this, he is therefore clinging to the one thing that makes him feel safe - you, which puts more pressure on you.

Seems to me it would be better to be on your own than watch and resent the person who should help and doesn't.

I would say to tell him this but after some of what you said about him I think that would be unwise.

It's tough right now I expect your missing working but they are only small for a little while and you get through the tough times

I'm still a bit concerned that you are ill OP, your symptoms sound like more than just reflux. Extreme fatigue (I know you have the baby but it sounds extreme) and the digestive issues. I think you should push for further investigations.

That aside your partner is also quite clearly an abusive waste of space and you should ditch him ASAP.

I had a barium swallow, endoscopy and several other tests to rule out cancer and any other nasties. I am at my doctors regarding possible hpylori in the next week. I’m only 22 so it has taken ages to get an appointment. The extreme fatigue is due to never being able to catch up on sleep, I did all his night feeds and he’s never been a good sleeper. He fights his sleep and has done since he was about 8 weeks old. So I haven’t had a good night sleep since about november last year x

Have a good weekend with your mum op 💐