to just walk out the house and never come back?

[Tearingmyhairout1998]

I have a DS 9 months old and his sleeping pattern is getting me down. No matter what I do he wakes up in the night and it’s just me getting up with him. DS’ dad works 9-5 but was out of work up until last month. Even when not at work he did absolutely fuck all, whenever DS used to wake in the night when he wasn’t working he’d knee me in the back and wake me up and tell me to take him in the living room.

I am a glorified slave, everyday I look after DS, cook, clean the house, sort the laundry. Every single night “D”P goes to his friends on the next street for 2 hours and happily sits and plays with their kids. He won’t sit with DS when he gets home so I can eat my tea or have a shower so I’m having my evening meals that late I’m suffering such bad acid reflux and indigestion. Whenever I moan he tells me “he’s your son” as though I’m not allowed any spare time.

I feel like just walking out the house as it’s 2am and I’m running off no fucking sleep tomorrow again I want to cry.

So on the reflux front - can you eat a main meal at lunchtime, or before the dp returns? Stick ds in a highchair at the table and eat with him. I used to do alot in the kitchen with dd at that age by just having her in the highchair and giving her stuff to play with - spoons etc.

Try to avoid acidic foods especially if you are eating at night - tomatoes are a big one and citrus fruit. Get some gaviscon from the chemist that will help settle it.

But yes get to your mums for some rest but don't give up on your house. HA houses are like gold dust!

He won’t stay in his high chair for long. He will eat then cry to come out so I usually have time for a pack of crisps. I’ve lost 2 stone since June because I can’t eat properly or I have that bad heartburn from eating too late and too quick I’m sick

If your partner isn't even minding DS while you eat a meal it's abuse. You can't not eat. Go to your mums and make a plan. He can fuck off and live with his mate if he loves his kids so much.

Oh gosh op, you are at the end of your tether. You need some help! Go to your mum's and ask her to take LO even for a few hours sleep. Can you stay a few nights?

Then when you are not so sleep deprived you need to figure out a way to leave this disgusting man.

You need to:

1. Tell your health visitor everything that your partner is both doing and not doing
2. Speak to Women's Aid about the best way to get him off the tenancy and out of the house.
3. Kneeing you in the back is physical assault. Ring 101 for advice and if it can be logged to help with removing him from the tenancy
4. Log everything with your GP and get a health check. This will help your single tenancy case (mum will have to help with baby so you can speak in peace)
5. Have a confidential meeting with your tenant liaison officer at the housing association for practical advice about removing him from the tenancy
6. Have a beautifully long bath with lavender oil at your mum's house - you deserve to be pampered

@SummerWhisper

You need to:

1. Tell your health visitor everything that your partner is both doing and not doing
2. Speak to Women's Aid about the best way to get him off the tenancy and out of the house.
3. Kneeing you in the back is physical assault. Ring 101 for advice and if it can be logged to help with removing him from the tenancy
4. Log everything with your GP and get a health check. This will help your single tenancy case (mum will have to help with baby so you can speak in peace)
5. Have a confidential meeting with your tenant liaison officer at the housing association for practical advice about removing him from the tenancy
6. Have a beautifully long bath with lavender oil at your mum's house - you deserve to be pampered

All of this is fantastic advice Do all of these things... go to your mums

And she might be able to help you for one night or two

There is nothing worse than living with someone who does nothing to help or you can't rely on. It's much better when they've gone as you know it's down to you it's actually easier, if that makes sense

Leave for good and take your son with you. You’re a single parent anyway.

Go to your mums for a break if you can. Would she take DS for a little while so you could get some sleep and a shower? Maybe you could also talk to her about what's been going on?

I have no advice for people who chose to be parents, but your boyfriend is absolute garbage. Obviously. You’re not legally shackled to the garbage, so it should be pretty easy to remove it from your life. There’s no need to live like that.

How are you this morning op, I’m hoping you did spend the night with your mum.

Hope you stayed at your mums? On the high chair front, get one of those stick on toys that attaches to the table, make sure he is fed/clean/had a drink etc etc. Stick TV on if needed. And eat your lunch. You are with him and you know there isn’t anything wrong other than boredom so it won’t hurt him to moan for 10 minutes while you eat a proper meal. Please look after yourself, your situation sounds untenable. And echo everyone else, tell everything to your HV, don’t minimise it, get a break from family and friends to sleep and kick his pathetic excuse out ASAP

I stayed at mums for one night. Had it all off him today. Fat lazy ugly mess etc because the house needs a proper clean. My mum has however promised to have him over night Friday as she’s in my support bubble. Therefore I’d told myself to do the house tomorrow and Saturday. Evidently not enough for his lordship.

No, @Tearingmyhairout1998 you have a young ds, you need rest, sleep and support, if the home isn’t show home ready, that’s normal and unimportant. If he wants it any different, he can do it.

I feel you are completely Overwhelmed by everything and I assume the advice here is a lot to take in too. I have no experience of it, but women’s aid and the freedom plan is often mentioned on here. Hopefully others will come along to give you better advice.

He let me have a 5 minute shower ate his tea and gone bed. I’m not having mine cos I know I’ll end up with heartburn anyway. DS still not sleeping. Fucking hate this bullshit. I don’t even think women’s aid would help. It isn’t domestic abuse

Yes it is, he may not be physically abusing you, but mentally you are completely overwhelmed, ‘he let you have a shower’ this is not normal, it’s not in his remit to allow you to have a shower. He is insisting you do the housework. You are not feeling like your own person. You don’t feel you have any control at all.

Give them a call, talk it over with someone.

Is there any way you can stay with your mum for longer.

So, op. Are you going to stay in this shitty shitty relationship for ever? Showing your son what kind of relationships are bad and that'll be his baseline seeing as a normal one.

Leave the fucking twat. Just do it. Jesus

I really hope this doesn't come across as twatty, but please don't use this thread as a means only to vent your frustrations about this man so you can stand to be with him a little longer. Instead please listen to the advice the other posters have given you. He is treating you like shit and it is not going to get any better, the longer you stay, the worse his behaviour will get.

My mum said I can stay over the weekend so I can tell her what’s going on. Ds has been asleep for 40 minutes so I’m keeping toes fingers and eyes and ears crossed

@Tearingmyhairout1998

My mum said I can stay over the weekend so I can tell her what’s going on. Ds has been asleep for 40 minutes so I’m keeping toes fingers and eyes and ears crossed

That’s good, hopefully you can take the time to get some perspective on everything. 💐

Your partner isn't normal, sorry. I have two under threes that wake multiple times a night and my husband is in a demanding full time job - he wouldn't dream of treating me the way your partner is treating you. A normal man would see you're struggling and take the baby down in the morning so you can have a lie in, make you dinner and bath the baby so you can shower and stuff. And normal men play with their children.
You need to get that useless man out of your life. I'm glad you have your mum to support you. Good luck x

Not sure how peaceful my mums will be, my sister and her 2 live there and my brother and his girlfriend do too, it’s like a fucking zoo hahaha

@Tearingmyhairout1998

Not sure how peaceful my mums will be, my sister and her 2 live there and my brother and his girlfriend do too, it’s like a fucking zoo hahaha

Plenty of people to help with ds then 😊

I don’t think you’ll mind the noise and the chaos if it’s friendly and supportive.

Was just about to say the same as bagpuss hope you get the rest you need OP

DS will be passed around like pass the parcel, they love him. He is super cute and funny though (Not that I’m biased!)

Call your health visitor tomorrow and tell her how much you're struggling. This is serious.
They can help. They can put you in touch with charities, NHS services, social services, whatever is needed but you need to tell them all of it and how much you are struggling, be really honest,no one is going to judge they will just help.