to just walk out the house and never come back?

[Tearingmyhairout1998]

I have a DS 9 months old and his sleeping pattern is getting me down. No matter what I do he wakes up in the night and it’s just me getting up with him. DS’ dad works 9-5 but was out of work up until last month. Even when not at work he did absolutely fuck all, whenever DS used to wake in the night when he wasn’t working he’d knee me in the back and wake me up and tell me to take him in the living room.

I am a glorified slave, everyday I look after DS, cook, clean the house, sort the laundry. Every single night “D”P goes to his friends on the next street for 2 hours and happily sits and plays with their kids. He won’t sit with DS when he gets home so I can eat my tea or have a shower so I’m having my evening meals that late I’m suffering such bad acid reflux and indigestion. Whenever I moan he tells me “he’s your son” as though I’m not allowed any spare time.

I feel like just walking out the house as it’s 2am and I’m running off no fucking sleep tomorrow again I want to cry.

He needs to get out of the house. I don't know how that works when you're in a HA property. Perhaps another user will have some suggestions.

Hopefully he'll just leave when you tell him it's over, but in my experience men like him tend to hang around like a bad smell...

He sounds truly awful.
You'd be better off without him. He does fuck all. You slave away cooking, cleaning and looking after the child which is also HIS child and not just YOUR child. You don't get any thanks - you just get kneed in the back and told you're sitting on your arse all day.
He, meanwhile, merrily waltzes off to his friend's house every day after work, plays with the children and leaves you struggling.

Get rid of him. And while you're making plans to get rid of him stop doing anything for him now. No laundry. No cooking for him.

Of course it would be hard on your own but it's even worse now. At least if it's just you and your son you won't have any work associated with your 'D'P and he won't be there making a mess. He also brings you down with his horrible comments and once he's gone you won't have that going on all the time making everything harder.

I can tell you that I find life easier as a single parent, than I did with a useless and abusive husband. Please reach out for some help, HV, GP, any family that would help you. It will get better. My youngest had sleep issues and I felt like they were the worst years of my life, sleep deprivation is awful, but especially bad if you have a partner who refuses to help

Don’t leave your baby with him, it doesn’t sound as if he’d be safe. Your partner is the problem not your DS’ sleep, I have an 11 month old who wakes 2-3 times a night but it’s manageable because my DH supports me. You need to leave him, embrace being a single parent and not having the constant anger and resentment at your shit “D”P making you feel ill. Speak to your HV for support, make plans to get out and don’t look back. You and your DS will be better off without him xx

It's really wierd that he will spend ages with someone else's children but will ignore his own. It's not 'time to yourself' to take care of your basic hygiene, you have a right to be clean. How dare he visit friends when you haven't even had time to wash.

You're better off living alone with your DS. At the very least you may get more sleep if you make a safe co-sleeping space for DS on the side of the bed your useless partner used to sleep.

I’d be telling him to leave.

So bizarre and a horrid situation to be in. Weord that this other family also find it normal that your partner drops by for two hours every night.
Agree with others - go and join him there with your son and hand him over to him and then enjoy a cup of tea. Point out that your husband is at this home and spends more time with their DC than yours.
He sounds awful, by the way. I'd be making plans to leave.

Can highly recommend the baby whisperer for resolving sleep issues. My ds was a nightmare at sleeping and would wake every half hour for a breastfeed still at 9 months all night. I read the baby whisperer and followed her routine and it worked a treat.

As for your partner.. I'd be chucking him.

Oh you poor thing 🌷

I don't know what's involved, but I'd be looking into how to get him out of the house & off the tenancy. Don't move out yourself!

I know it sounds like it would be 'just as bad' if you kicked him out, but it's really really not.
When you only have yourself to rely on you just get on with things, when there's someone there, not pulling their weight, it drags you down.

He's being really horrible & he's not adding anything to your life.

Once you've got rid of the dead weight, see who might be able to help you. If you were my friend I'd happily have DS for you or come & stay & do some nights, whatever you'd prefer.

It feels relentless when you're in the middle of it, but this phase does pass 🌷

Don't take your DS around there or leave him with him/them.

That's really daft advice. It's not DS's fault his Dad is a twat. Poor little bugger.

Lots of people saying leave your DS with him and go for a break (which I totally understand and is absolutely legitimate and deserved) BUT are you confident to do that? Genuinely, do you feel if he HAD to put him first, he would?
In this situation I'd be worried that your DH wouldn't feed him/ change him properly?

His mates other half loves the fact P and his mate take their two DC to the park. Gives her time to dye her hair do her tan and chill. She’s such a smug cow I don’t know how I haven’t punched her.

I’m not just handing DS to him because it’s not fair, DS doesn’t really bother with him anymore. He smiles at him and will climb on him but that’s it. He’s all for me, he will know his dad doesn’t bother with him

Have you any money to book somewhere for a few days ? You need to get away, it's not your DS that's the problem it's your 'D'H

I’m not just handing DS to him because it’s not fair, DS doesn’t really bother with him anymore. He smiles at him and will climb on him but that’s it. He’s all for me, he will know his dad doesn’t bother with him

I wouldn't hand a 9 month old over to him and go off to an airbnb for a night either even though it would do you the world of good.
If he was less useless then you could, but if he was less useless you wouldn't even need to.

Do you have anyone else who could support you by looking after him for a short while?

Get rid of your partner (he's not a DP) you will have much less cleaning up to do, less washing, less cooking and no frustration as you won't be looking after a wanker as well as your son. You will also be able to sleep when he sleeps and won't feel as tired. look on entitled to and find out how you stand, you'll probably be no worse off without such a waste of space given the savings on food etc and single persons council tax reduction. He's bringing nothing to the party so get rid of the dead weight. Don't be tempted to stay together to give your son a stable home, imagine the damage it will do to your little boy when he is old enough to realise he is ignored by his Father. Also claim CMS.

You don’t need that man in your life OP

Why even stay?

Your anger at this woman is misdirected

Why are you still with him?

I’m gonna ask my mum if I can stay at hers tonight , I’m so tired I feel ill and i can barely keep my eyes open. My HV said I need to start putting DS to bed so he can fall asleep on his own but he just screams. Any advice

@Tearingmyhairout1998

I’m gonna ask my mum if I can stay at hers tonight , I’m so tired I feel ill and i can barely keep my eyes open. My HV said I need to start putting DS to bed so he can fall asleep on his own but he just screams. Any advice

Its worth starting another thread on the sleep issue in parenting, sleep. It's going to get lost in here with people worrying about you

Its a good plan to stay with your mum for a bit. my advice re the sleep for what its worth (21 years out of date) Don't try and change anything yet tonight just do whatever you think will work and try and get as much sleep as you can yourself. Any change to DS sleep routine will be met with resistance so you need to look after yourself for a few days before you have the strength to try that.

I just feel ill with fatigue. Every time he whinges it’s like someone is ripping out my eardrums.

You need to split up. It's really that simple. He won't change.

@Tearingmyhairout1998

I just feel ill with fatigue. Every time he whinges it’s like someone is ripping out my eardrums.

Yeah I totally get that, it’s not easy. But your head will be in a better place when you know it’s just the 2 of you, and if you’re less on edge hopefully DS will settle more easily too.

Imo some men are attached to their dc only if they are attached to the dc's mother, so if they lose interest in the mother they lose interest in the children as well, almost as though they see the children as an extension of the mother rather than separate beings with their [the fathers'] genes. Only some men, not all, obviously a lot of men are decent people and decent fathers. But some seem to be able to detach from their own offspring quite easily, and their relationship with the offspring's mum seems to be key with them.

Your partner has no respect for you or for your baby, and seems actively cruel rather than just a bit inconsiderate and thoughtless. You don't have to accept this as how your life is now, you can move on with your DS.

In your position I would certainly be looking for any assistance I could get to free myself from this selfish, self-centred waste of space. You deserve better. If I knew you I would offer to help out with the baby and give you a chance to draw breath. I hope your mum can step in and give you a break.