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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just walk out the house and never come back?

133 replies

Tearingmyhairout1998 · 22/09/2020 02:11

I have a DS 9 months old and his sleeping pattern is getting me down. No matter what I do he wakes up in the night and it’s just me getting up with him. DS’ dad works 9-5 but was out of work up until last month. Even when not at work he did absolutely fuck all, whenever DS used to wake in the night when he wasn’t working he’d knee me in the back and wake me up and tell me to take him in the living room.

I am a glorified slave, everyday I look after DS, cook, clean the house, sort the laundry. Every single night “D”P goes to his friends on the next street for 2 hours and happily sits and plays with their kids. He won’t sit with DS when he gets home so I can eat my tea or have a shower so I’m having my evening meals that late I’m suffering such bad acid reflux and indigestion. Whenever I moan he tells me “he’s your son” as though I’m not allowed any spare time.

I feel like just walking out the house as it’s 2am and I’m running off no fucking sleep tomorrow again I want to cry.

OP posts:

Poppyisa · 22/09/2020 05:27

And also, I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. You deserve much better. Take good care of yourself

billybagpuss · 22/09/2020 05:58

You must mention the lack of sleep and support at the check up today.

You are net being treated fairly. How do you feel generally about the relationship, from the small snapshot you’ve given us he doesn’t bring any positive to your life.

justthecat · 22/09/2020 06:05

Just remember the problem with your baby is temporary whist your partner will never change. Kick him out he sounds useless

makingmammaries · 22/09/2020 06:06

He sounds revolting. Is locking him out an option? Preferably with his stuff in bin bags outside.

TheMistressQuickly · 22/09/2020 06:13

What a useless arse! Also seems to be purposely vindictive by going to his mates every night to play with his kids. It’s HIS son too. Tell him to move HIS fat arse!

Fuming for you! X

CatteStreet · 22/09/2020 06:42

@TheMistressQuickly

What a useless arse! Also seems to be purposely vindictive by going to his mates every night to play with his kids. It’s HIS son too. Tell him to move HIS fat arse!

Fuming for you! X

Yes. He's doing that very clearly on purpose. Sending you an unmistakable message that he is not going to take any of the load off you with his own child. He is saying 'This is your life, get used to it'.

As your child grows, he will see this and it will damage him.

Time to get advice on your position and end this relationship.

NoSquirrels · 22/09/2020 06:44

Do you have any other support, OP? Friends, family? Because I think you will be much happier and more able to cope if you get rid of your DP and it's just you and the baby.

Do you have a HV?

At the moment it's just you and the baby anyway, along with a steaming pile of resentment and anger. You'll be able to cope better when that's gone.

Nikori · 22/09/2020 06:49

Are your parents supportive? If you were my daughter, I’d be happy for you and your baby to come and stay. I think your DP sounds awful.

Shoxfordian · 22/09/2020 06:49

Tell him not to bother coming back
He sounds useless

LampGenie · 22/09/2020 06:49

Have my first ever leave the bastard. Seriously. Any man that abusive, lazy, self indulgent and childish does not deserve your attention for one second longer. ONE SECOND LONGER.

amysaurus87 · 22/09/2020 06:50

It's not your babys sleep that needs fixing here, still waking in the night is so so normal at 9 months, my LB is almost 2 and a half and has only just started sleeping through.

What needs fixing is the absolute cockwomble you have for a husband. If you are in a position to I would strongly advise to LTB, and if not start putting a plan together to get out.

Being kneed in the back to wake you up so you look after the child you both made is cruel and rude and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

GertrudeCB · 22/09/2020 06:52

Your P is a cunt.

LampGenie · 22/09/2020 06:53

Ps not shouting at you. Just trying to stress how important it is you go and don’t look back

McPie · 22/09/2020 06:59

You are doing it all on your own anyway so why not do it without the lazy disrespectful arse who is causing all your anger?
The sleep patterns of your Ds will change/improve but he never will. The name calling will only get worse and by that time your Ds will be old enough to understand what he is calling you!
I have honestly never told someone to LTB but really what does he add to you and your Ds's life at the moment?

hammeringinmyhead · 22/09/2020 07:05

Kick him out. He can wash his own pants then. You know you don't have to take "fat arse" from anyone and you're supposed to be each others' favourite people!

Prig · 22/09/2020 07:08

He sounds rotten to the core. Honestly think you need to be away from him. Sleep can be managed better (or atleast it will be the same) without a low life sucking your emotional energy and self worth.

DontInjectBleach · 22/09/2020 07:13

Please get your indigestion looked at op - someone I know had stomach cancer with those symptoms. It sounds like stress in your case but better to be sure.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/stomach-cancer/

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/09/2020 07:27

I would have thought that managing a house and a 9 month old, even one that doesn’t sleep, should be possible alone when you’re not in work. Not easy, but possible.

It sounds like you’re pretty much a single parent and that your DP is not contributing much at all. Have you worked out finances of being alone?

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 22/09/2020 07:35

Your partner is unforgiveable. He’ll never change. You and your baby will be much happier and safer without him. It’s hard to make a break when you’re so exhausted, but it will be the start of a better life. Ring your local Women’s Aid or Citizen’s Advice Bureau to find out what your housing options are. Good luck.

ichifanny · 22/09/2020 07:37

Ltb this arsehole can’t be fixed , who watches their partner struggle and goes to sit at a friends house , this isn’t normal get him out the house, whats he even for ?

queenofknives · 22/09/2020 07:47

OP this sounds horrible. I'm so sorry. Do you have a good friend, supportive mum or sister? It sounds like you need some help to get away from this abusive man. What's your housing situation like? Do you have anywhere you can go with baby? I know it's so hard to think straight when you're stressed and exhausted but I think you need to gather some support now. Women's Aid are worth getting in touch with. Your HV or practice nurse might be worth talking to as well. Sending you strength

speakout · 22/09/2020 07:54

It's not your DS's sleeping pattern that is the problem, it's your totally useless 'D'P.

This.

Eckhart · 22/09/2020 07:54

Get away from this man. You are angry, and rightfully so. That's the emotional response of somebody whose boundaries are being repeatedly crossed. Use your anger to fuel you to find a way out. Your life will be so much better without him. Good luck.

Lilymossflower · 22/09/2020 07:55

Awful, abusive man.

You will be much better without him

nobodysdaughter · 22/09/2020 08:13

You need to leave him, he's useless and really horrible to you. What's the point? It'll be easier be a single mum, without him to worry about.

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