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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be angry with this shop assistant?

161 replies

MrsAvocet · 21/09/2020 19:39

I'm in the market for a new bike and went into one of our local bike shops for a look today. I'd checked their website beforehand and thought they might have a few worth looking at. Things didn't get off to a great start when the assistant started talking to my DH and ignoring me, despite us both making it clear that it was me we were shopping for. But I wanted to see the bikes so let it go, and told the guy fairly precisely what I was looking for. He then took me over to a completely different style of bike and told me that this model "is very popular with ladies". I explained to him that it may well be, but its not the type of thing I am looking for, and restated my requirements. Seemingly grudgingly, he then showed me one of the bikes I had seen on the website but it wasn't quite right so I asked if there was anything else and he said no. I then asked if they'd stopped stocking one of the others that I'd seen online and he replied "No, we still have them, but the thing is, they're not cheap bikes so I didn't think there was any point showing them to you."
WTAF? Since when do shop assistants get to decide what a customer can spend? Admittedly they were at the top end of my price range but I'd had enough by now so said "Actually they are well within my budget but I think I will take my business elsewhere" and walked out. DH thinks I over reacted and says I didn't actually give a price range so the assistant wasn't to know. That's true, but I did say what level of components etc I was looking for which should have given him a fairly good idea what price point I was interested in. Plus I didn't want to see " all bikes between £X and £Y," I wanted to see the type of bike I described and I think he should have just shown me what I asked for and kept his judgements to himself. I think I actually reacted fairly calmly! I rarely spend much on myself and have been saving for this bike for quite a while so I was looking forward to going shopping but I left feeling quite upset.
So, was my reaction reasonable or not?

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 21/09/2020 21:04

@MrsAvocet I was going to say something about your DH. We have had this many times over the years. Always at some point early on DH will step back, point at me and say something along the lines of 'I dont know why you are talking to me, she's the money'

SuzieCarmichael · 21/09/2020 21:04

I was going to ask why your DH didn’t back you up. What’s his excuse ?

Burnthurst187 · 21/09/2020 21:05

It wasn't Evans was it?

A friend went there recently and said the staff were awful, had absolutely no interest in helping and he'd driven a fair way to just go to that shop

oakleaffy · 21/09/2020 21:05

@MrsAvocet
These assistants clearly haven't met Granny Mc Gnarly!

She is in her Seventies and rides like a Legend!

To be angry with this shop assistant?
WildWaterSwimmer · 21/09/2020 21:06

I remember going into an estate agency to register my details for any new properties coming onto the market. The estate agent looked me up and down and said in a very condescending voice 'you may not know but this is a VERY expensive area'!

The house we eventually purchased was for sale with that particular agency, but we avoided them specifically because of that judgmental comment, and went through the other agents. Miss Judgey-Pants and her colleagues lost a considerable commission

midsomermurderess · 21/09/2020 21:06

I've come across some right plonker men in bike shops. It's as if a woman looking to buy a hybrid bike (in my case) is beneath them, insufferably dull, not worth their time. I make it abundantly clear that they had better change their attitude or I will be taking it up with the shop manager . And no, I am not a 'Karen'. I won't stand for that sort of behaviour.

oakleaffy · 21/09/2020 21:10

For those who feel riding is just for men... not older women...

Pat in her own words :
singletrackworld.com/2018/04/interview-pat-horscroft-after-you-turn-60-its-all-downhill/

Ablackrussian · 21/09/2020 21:11

Go all Pretty Woman on him and ride your new bike past the store, and say "big mistake."Grin

Grin
redlockscelt · 21/09/2020 21:12

If you want a 'laugh' trying going into a DIY store and buying power tools when you have a man with you. B&Q I'm looking at you.

mandonaplane · 21/09/2020 21:16

This really raged me about 15 years ago... needed a second car for our 4 children, l was going to buy it, but obviously took DH along too. Salesman only spoke to DH and later when I went back to test drive it I wasn’t allowed without DH . Salesman then phoned later and asked for DH, despite me answering the phone. Obviously they didn’t get the sale.

Put me off buying a car for years

Just recently bought a new car and same scenario but salesman spoke to me (DH just an accessory whose quite good at knocking down prices) so such a better experience

thenightsky · 21/09/2020 21:21

@mandonaplane

This really raged me about 15 years ago... needed a second car for our 4 children, l was going to buy it, but obviously took DH along too. Salesman only spoke to DH and later when I went back to test drive it I wasn’t allowed without DH . Salesman then phoned later and asked for DH, despite me answering the phone. Obviously they didn’t get the sale.

Put me off buying a car for years

Just recently bought a new car and same scenario but salesman spoke to me (DH just an accessory whose quite good at knocking down prices) so such a better experience

When car buying and salesmen talk to DH, he folds his arms, leans back in the chair and says... 'talk to her, she's the petrol head. I know bugger all about cars.. '
Lolalovesmarmite · 21/09/2020 21:24

I’ve spent my career working in very male dominated environments and learned how to ask a question in a way that means I absolutely expect to get it answered and these situations don’t happen to me anymore. A lot of women are unconsciously apologetic in their manner and it gives pricks like that the internal justification they need to behave like that. Look them right in the eye, speak clearly and directly and never find yourself using the word ‘sorry’. If they start patronising or telling you what they think you want, interrupt politely but firmly and redirect them.

ChristmasCarcass · 21/09/2020 21:24

Shortly after DM was widowed, she went to buy a new car (DF’s company car had obviously gone back, so she just had her Nissan Micra and it wasn’t really big enough).

Went into the local Ford showroom and the salesman flatly refused to speak to her, told her to “send her husband in, he only dealt with organ grinders not monkeys”.

She wrote to the manager, explaining her DH’s funeral had only been two weeks before so how would he suggest she proceed? And got a very grovelling letter back. She went off and bought an Audi instead.

yeOldeTrout · 21/09/2020 21:25

Sounds more like a salesperson than a genuine bike person.

I'm just wondering what kind of shop this was, OP. A fairly big chain since have a website? You shouldn't let their eejit salesperson put you off buying a bike from them if it's the right bike for you & similar enough product not available elsewhere.

Would you link to the bike you wanted, on the website? I am intrigued!

Graphista · 21/09/2020 21:25

Wow!

For starters introduce your husband to the concept of "everyday sexism" seeing as it seems to have passed him by!

Secondly - I'd honestly be complaining to the shop's management/hq if a chain because that assistants attitude needs serious adjustment! Especially as it's losing them business!

As a consumer I will recommend those companies who give good service - and I think it's also natural to advise others NOT to use the ones that give poor service.

Iirc there's a stat on that, customers are more likely to be public and vocal about poor service than they are on good service.

Go all Pretty Woman on him and ride your new bike past the store, and say "big mistake." love this idea Grin

Thanks to my parents rightly thinking that both sexes need a good practical education in life skills my sister and I are both very good on cars and car maintenance and brother on clothing repairs and cooking and baking etc we've ALL had experiences where retail staff have made assumptions based on our sex that meant they tried to pull the wool over our eyes!

Similar to many pps when I've been at car show rooms or garage mechanics with now exh in the past, they talked to or asked him various questions...he's totally clueless when it comes to cars!

I've a relative who is not only expert on cars generally but has been an amateur racer in the past, she's had some crackers idiot mechanics have come out with! Very my cousin vinny!

I am still seething about a John Lewis assistant who spoke over my head to DH about my maternity bras, ffs. I was in a wheelchair. She wouldn't look at me.

Jesus! I'm not surprised what appalling ableism! I hope you do complain

I have a disability too but currently "invisible" so it's mainly people telling me I'm not entitled to use disabled loos! But I had to have an op a while back that meant I was temporarily wheelchair bound and yes lots of people talking over me to who was wheeling the chair, talking to me very slowly and carefully and loudly as if I were stupid or deaf or both, and people MOVING me without asking! Often putting me at risk of further injury!

I also have an extremely wealthy friend who is into gardening etc so is often in "scruff order" he generally is quite oblivious but he's had a few experiences of retail assistants being snobby towards him assuming he's poor, he could probably buy the entire shop chain if he wanted! He generally doesn't bother too much if people are off to him, but he gets very annoyed if he witnesses same happening to others and has stepped in on occasion to give the snobby retailer concerned a right showing up! Admittedly sometimes by feigning being related to the person being disparaged, flashing the cash and then saying something like "come on aunty Mary we'll shop somewhere else" at which point retailer often becomes fawning mess! Especially if it's an area of retail that's commission based!

I even remember being a waitress and a colleague being snotty about one of our regular customers because she wore ill fitting, in poor repair clothes and constantly talked about her beloved cats...

This customer was actually the local baroness and very switched on and noticed how people treated her...

She was also VERY generous with the tips she gave when visiting us around Christmas time, and around her birthday, and her late husbands birthday and she knew which tables were waited on by which staff and she NEVER sat at one of this colleagues tables...more fool that colleague.

She was a lovely lady - not just because of the tips - but just generally friendly and sweet to the staff and other customers.

Ellmau · 21/09/2020 21:26

YWNU. I would send a version of this to the shop's head office/manager. They may be losing lots of sales as a result of this approach.

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2020 21:28

My husband just says oh it’s up to her mate not me. Then assumes a blank look on his face and doesn’t respond further. If a question is directed at him he just looks at me.

If a bloke had spoken to me like you were spoken to today, we’d have left also, and much less calmly than you. Hats off to you.

LBOCS2 · 21/09/2020 21:31

When car buying and salesmen talk to DH, he folds his arms, leans back in the chair and says... 'talk to her, she's the petrol head. I know bugger all about cars.. '

We had a similar experience although DH let them get into their sales spiel then very kindly explained that it was their wasted time as he doesn't have a driving licence 😁

Sewrainbow · 21/09/2020 21:32

Yanbu, I'd have done the same. Your dh is minimising the way you were treated.

We had similar once from a window salesman as young first time house buyers. Gave us a load of bullshit about dirt repellent windows and when we laughed and said dont be ridiculous he got arsey and said I don't think you'd be able to afford them. He'd taken one look at our 2nd hand sofa and tv and made an assumption. We could afford them just wasnt prepared to pay for crap sales patter!

We complained and were offered a discount but still went with another company. Complain!

Ablackrussian · 21/09/2020 21:33

And these attitudes are, presumably, with customer service training.

Oh dear.

DdraigGoch · 21/09/2020 21:34

I am still seething about a John Lewis assistant who spoke over my head to DH about my maternity bras, ffs.
@WeirdlyOdd I can sort of understand car salesman assuming that it may be the man who cares about the product. I don't agree with it, but I can understand why the common stereotype would lead them to do that. I cannot for the life of me fathom why the shop assistant might think that your husband would want (never mind need) all the ins and outs of your bra. A car could be driven by either partner so both should be involved in a discussion (not to the extent of excluding the woman of course) but he's never going to need to borrow any of your bras for goodness sake!

Highlandcathedral · 21/09/2020 21:37

We had similar in a kitchen shop. We came from work, so not very smartly dressed, and were looking round. The salesman kept asking our budget. When we said we hadn’t set one, we were just wanting to see what was out there, he obviously thought we were time wasters and just wandered off. We left and purchased from another shop.

My husband and I run a business together and I’ve also experienced the “talk to the man” by bank managers etc. I’m the one who knows where we are with money and sorts all that side, but some men just ignore me and talk over me to DH. I just take my business elsewhere.

nevermorelenore · 21/09/2020 21:42

I had this when buying my car. Smarmy sales blokes all talked to DH, and when they found out the car was for me, there was lots of talking down to me about cars that were 'good for the school run'.

I ended up buying my car from a lovely bloke who was the last person on earth you'd expect to be a car salesman.

WitchQueenofDarkness · 21/09/2020 21:44

We were selling our house near Guildford and I arranged for a number of estate agents to come and value it for sale.

One very upmarket national chain blew it when they assumed it was for DH's job we were moving ( no it was mine) and for addressing the valuation letter solely to DH when it was me who had made the appointment and showed the agent round.

I did complain but he was the big area boss........

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 21/09/2020 21:51

I had similar in John Lewis. Looking for a specific MacBook. He just didn't listen to me, kept blathering on about other models. I took my custom to Apple.

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