To be angry with this shop assistant?

[MrsAvocet]

I'm in the market for a new bike and went into one of our local bike shops for a look today. I'd checked their website beforehand and thought they might have a few worth looking at. Things didn't get off to a great start when the assistant started talking to my DH and ignoring me, despite us both making it clear that it was me we were shopping for. But I wanted to see the bikes so let it go, and told the guy fairly precisely what I was looking for. He then took me over to a completely different style of bike and told me that this model "is very popular with ladies". I explained to him that it may well be, but its not the type of thing I am looking for, and restated my requirements. Seemingly grudgingly, he then showed me one of the bikes I had seen on the website but it wasn't quite right so I asked if there was anything else and he said no. I then asked if they'd stopped stocking one of the others that I'd seen online and he replied "No, we still have them, but the thing is, they're not cheap bikes so I didn't think there was any point showing them to you."
WTAF? Since when do shop assistants get to decide what a customer can spend? Admittedly they were at the top end of my price range but I'd had enough by now so said "Actually they are well within my budget but I think I will take my business elsewhere" and walked out. DH thinks I over reacted and says I didn't actually give a price range so the assistant wasn't to know. That's true, but I did say what level of components etc I was looking for which should have given him a fairly good idea what price point I was interested in. Plus I didn't want to see " all bikes between £X and £Y," I wanted to see the type of bike I described and I think he should have just shown me what I asked for and kept his judgements to himself. I think I actually reacted fairly calmly! I rarely spend much on myself and have been saving for this bike for quite a while so I was looking forward to going shopping but I left feeling quite upset.
So, was my reaction reasonable or not?

Definitely let the company know how they lost a sale. One to upload onto everydaysexism.com

The happened to us in a well-known computer supermarket, all the conversation was directed to OH, even though I'd said what I was looking for. I walked off and left him to it, good luck talking tech to my OH! Next time we went through the door the staff seemed to disappear!

Slightly different moan, when I go into a store to look at, say , furniture and I say Thank you, I just want to look around first, I don't expect to be constantly asked, by the same person, What are you looking for? If and when I need firther assistance, I'll ask for it, leave me alone!

Oohh definitely not unreasonable... I had this when were looking for a new kitchen. Man in Homebase asked all questions to DH apart asking me what cooker I would prefer... We got our kitchen from B&Q, the salesman there (who was very interested in both our ideas for the kitchen we would both us) said they had a few customers come to him with similar experiences with the sexist man. I left feedback to Homebase that he was loosing them a lot of money! Idiot

No you didn't overreact
I hate shops that consider themselves men only.
As a record and hifi collector and dealer, I have found over the years that certain places have almost laughed when I've asked for something specific. I
One time, I asked to see a certain type of DJ mixer. The guy actually sarcastically asked was a present for my other half and what sort of DJ was he. It was just the casual sexism that got me.
I said number 1, it's for me, number 2, love how you assume it would be for a bloke.
He then got all cocky, saying about it was too much for a beginner with limited knowledge.
So I didn't get cross. In that case, I always find it best to blow the feckers away with my knowledge of whatever I'm thinking of buying. He literally needed scaffold for his jaw it dropped that far. Then I mentioned the radio station and group I was attached to at the time and he looked quite embarrassed. He did not get my cash.
I've also had the same in record shops. I'm into 60s/70s and right up to mid Nineties, and again, I know about rare stuff. They look at me, assume I'm a div, and fob me off. Got my own back once. I had wanted a Genesis vinyl on a certain original coloured label (I know, nerd) and a bloke came in to sell a small collection. He had that one. It's worth about £70+. He had some really good vinyls actually, easily a few hundred quids worth. I realised the shop guy bought them all for £50 in the end. The guy he bought them from was still in the shop so I said "oh is that Genesis album, the one on the pink label? How much?"
Well he couldn't say £70 could he, so he sold me it for £15 😂
Yeah mansplaining in shops is a right annoyance

Your reaction was entirely reasonable. I would report to the manager too.

I am still seething about a John Lewis assistant who spoke over my head to DH about my maternity bras, ffs. I was in a wheelchair. She wouldn't look at me.

We've left a car showroom because of sexism like this, and taken our business elsewhere.

And twice we've been told we can't afford something in a shop - once was a vase and it was only £200! Second time was a blind/curtain shop. We found it funny; we're a little scruffy admittedly, but also very well off, so they shot themselves in the foot. Not that they should be so bloody judgy in the first place.

I was in a confectionary shop looking for diplomatic gifts for a visit I was about to make. This is very complicated and requires much consideration of ingredients, colour of packaging, number of items within etc, for cultural sensitivity reasons. I explained why I was asking such bizarre questions. The response...

"Oh, so you're the secretary, looking for gifts for your boss to take?"

I've had a car sales experience too. I was looking to buy a used Mini and dealt with a lovely sales assistant the only thing that needed sorting was the part-exchange so I brought my car in the following day and the sales assistant wasn't there so her boss came out to view my car. He was awful. Was rude about my (much loved sports) car, explained in detail to my DH why it was not a popular car due to the unusual Wenkel engine. My DH is NOT mechanical at all and I owned the car because I loved the Wenkel engine. Told me that it wasn't even a nice colour. I was so livid about his blatant sexism and rudeness that we left and went to another franchise Mini dealer in the next county and the sales assistant was great so I bought there. The original lady phoned me to ask what had happened and was quite stunned when I told her. She defended her boss as normally being a brilliant salesman but I pointed out in detail all the things that I found rude and offensive about his manner and what he said and I've never been back to that franchise since - nor will I ever.

DH thinks I over reacted and says I didn't actually give a price range so the assistant wasn't to know.

Nah. If shop assistant did not know budget, why assume you cannot afford higher priced stuff?!

This kind of thing always makes me think of a friend at school who worked in a car dealership. They got some form of commission on what they sold, not sure if thats still the case now in places like that. One of the supervisors was helping some guy, and basically made the assumption that it would be low end stuff..and has a bit of an attitude and was just basically an all round twat. Guy left, came back next day and was served by friend, and bought some car outright (cannot remember what kind, obviously not proper flashy but got my friend something like 5k commission) and said he had been going to buy it yesterday but didn't want the snotty guy to benefit.

You would think that people who get commission would assume every single customer had the potential to be a big spender, incase you scared one away like this guy did!

Fuck knows why so many sales people still do this. Have they never seen Pretty Woman?! Also, I don't know many rich people tbh, but the few I do know just..dress/look average, not all flashy stuff all the time..infact one guy who won a substancial amount on the lottery seems to spend nowt at all on new stuff, all his stuff seems proper worn, like hes had it for years, so some would assume he was dirt poor, with millions in the bank!

I should add to the above that DH absolutely saw what was happening and was equally annoyed at the attitude and even commented that it was pointless talking technical about the car to him as I was the mechanical one and the car was not his anyway.

DS (27) was looking for a specific road bike recently, fairly expensive. Travelled 25 miles to a bike shop which said it was in stock when he checked on line, but he was uncertain of the size frame he needed. (He had been checking stocks at several places). Bloke really off hand, and mainly spoke to DH who had only gone with him for the change of scenery. Didn't have one assembled and didn't know when he would have the time to do it.
On way home, DH suggested they popped into another branch on the off chance. DS reluctant as he knew the one they had was wrong size. Different attitude, asked pointed questions about the assistant in the first branch, and offered to get the one from the first shop and build it during the next week. Which he did.......
Bonkers attitude.

Crap assistants do this to men, too. We went to get Himself a bike. The assistant told him the one he wanted would be 'way beyond your pocket, mate.' These people are not assistants, they are hindrants.

I was once told an anecdote about an ex-special forces writer who, in the early days of his success, went into an ultra posh showroom to buy a high end car. The sales assistant looked him up and down, decided, from his scruffy appearance (designed to not draw attention to himself in dodgy locales), that he couldn't possibly afford one of their overpriced pieces of rubber and metal, and treated him accordingly.

Said writer toddled off to the bank and returned with the amount in cash, threw it on the sales desk, and said something to the sales clerk along the lines of, "NOW will you deign to sell me a car?"

It's salespeople like the one you encountered that have had me steering clear of most retail settings for years before Lockdown. I personally blessed the day online shopping became a thing. (I'll leave my feelings about our present day Blue Sun, aka Amazon, out of it for now though...)

I think it's also the reason I love the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts returns to the snooty boutique so much. Although I still think the script had her way too polite to the Snoots in that scene.

I've also had the experience, years ago when I was a (literally) almost penniless temp, of being persuaded into buying some interview shoes that were twice what I was looking to pay. They did last for years, but the point was at the time I didn't really have the money, and I didn't have the older-me nous to say firmly, "Actually, they're not quite what I'm looking for" and walk out.

But then I've always hated big-brand physical store shopping.

I was in a wheelchair.

I have a pain condition that flares horribly sometimes, and last xmas while doing the big shop for the kids my ribs started badly, and DH rented a wheelchair to help me. I have never experienced anything like it, I thought I was ignored as a woman usually. It was NOTHING compared to being in that chair. Not one person actually spoke to me, always over my head, a few walked into me, gave dirty looks, etc. It was absolutey awful and I felt like crying at the end of the day. Certainly made me think of the shit disabled people go through regularly, that was a rare occurace for me, but it was enough.

There are some really serious women cyclists...I wonder if he was going by what you asked for?

Eg ''I'm after a Giant full suspension mountain bike with Shimano disc brakes and 120mm of travel , pedals with clips, must have dropper post &c &c'
Or:
If you said ''It must have big mudguards and pedal reflectors and a big comfy saddle'' he'd show you ones like my ''Tank'' 😂

Have the General Manager of the hotel call his friend at a better shop and give you much better treatment.

How old was he OP? Roughly? I'm not trying to excuse him but I just wonder if he was really old and old-fashioned in his thinking.

YANBU. I think you handled it very well.

@toxic44

Crap assistants do this to men, too. We went to get Himself a bike. The assistant told him the one he wanted would be 'way beyond your pocket, mate.' These people are not assistants, they are hindrants.

A decent bike shop would never say that! Very cheeky.

Thanks all. Sorry to hear of so many similar experiences.
I'm cross with my DH too actually as I am disappointed that he just seemed not to notice the sexism and I thought he would.
We think we might have figured out why the guy thought we had no money though. We wonder if he saw us park and noticed that we were in an old car. We were in DH's "restoration project". It may be old but its not worthless! Otherwise I can't understand as we were dressed very conventionally. I wouldn't say we look rich or poor really. Though that may of course be more of the sexism - women can't be serious cyclists so wouldn't spend on a good bike. Either way, I won't be back.

Your response was perfectly reasonable but I'd be having a chat with DH about his lack of support.

I had the same in a kitchen place. we went elsewhere

@MrsAvocet The right bike for you is out there... Bike shops vary so much.
A good bike shop would never be so presumptuous or sexist...

First thing is the type of riding you will be doing, and go from there. Eg, Road, Off road, Downhill, Touring..and take it from there.

Oakleaffy no, he didn't go by what I asked for, that's the whole point. I gave him a pretty technical description of the type of carbon roadbike I'm after and got shown a steel hybrid with a step through frame and a fake wicker basket.
Notsuchasmugmarried sadly he was probably mid 30s, 40 at the very most.

I hope he’s on commission!

Sympathies op, cycling is notoriously sexist but I'm sure you know that already. Hope you find a better shop. You were not being unreasonable at all.