Help - other people's screaming children; what to do?

[Bessie123]

I live in a terraced house in London. Our street is quite noisy before midnight, but I usually get up for work at around 7.00, so I can go to sleep around 12-ish, avoid the noise on the street waking me up, get 7 hours, and that is fine.

A couple of weeks ago, our neighbours told me and dp that they are swapping bedrooms with their children (2yrs old and 3 yrs old) so that the children can have a bigger room. The children's new room is on the other side of mine and dp's bedroom wall.

The swap has obviously happened because I have been woken up before 5.00am 3 times in the last week by the 2 year old screaming for his mummy. The parents now sleep in the back bedroom the other side of the house and can't hear anything (I assume they can't; our back bedroom is v quiet and quite far from our bedroom).

I haven't been able to get back to sleep after the 2 year old's screaming has woken me up. I have no children, but am expecting my first in Feb and am more tired than usual anyway at the moment. My reduced sleep from the early wake up calls is making me exhausted and it's interfering with my work.

So, my question is how to deal with this: should I say something to the parents next door (and if so, what), or just put up with it? The neighbours also have a 7 month old baby, but her crying hasn't woken me up before; I can only assume that it is the 2 year old's stronger lungs that are the problem.

All advice welcome.

wow.

'I recognise that I am probably being unrealistic but at 4.30 in the morning, it feels like a very plausible suggestion.'

I totally sympathise - my DS2(2yo) has been a 5am waker for a year and we have been so desperate for it to stop that I've trawled the internet looking for any solution I can find.

But in the cold light of day you have to realise that you can't ask this of them. They are not being unreasonable in having a toddler who cries and they will be as unhappy and as sleep deprived as you are.

I know that if my neighbour complained to me about DS2 disturbing them I would be mortified as we really are doing the best we can.

yes exactly meemar.

Well, this is sort of from the other viewpoint, and no use whatsoever, but my fingers need the exercise...
I never had a child who slept through the night till they were nearly three. They wre very vocal, screamy, shouty, sobby. We were nightmare neighbours.
I made sure everyone in the street knew how much I regretted the disturbance, how there was nothing more I could do, invited their suggestions as to what could be done. No-one ever complained, they dared not. And I got some solace from the fact that some of them looked as tired and haggard as me.
If your neighbours are aware of the noise (and I think we conclude they must be), it would be jolly decent of them to pre-empt any complaints.
And I do think you have to put up with this. It will go away, only to be replaced by a load of noise from a much nearer source, your own baby.
Keep a duvet and pillow down the side of the sofa, go and stay with parents etc one night a week.

Bessie, I can understand where you are coming from and how annyoing it can be, never been a prob for me as am partially deaf so I cant hear our neighbours. I deffo wouldn't ask them to move rooms or anything though, you will probably need their understanding when your LO comes along.
Like others have said why not try ear plugs or something.

I like the idea of that white noise machine, do they really work?

Hope it gets better for you bessie

Bessie123 I do sympathise - my pg coincided with the break-up of my neighbour's marriage and she went off the rails a bit. One result of this was that her 9 year old was left to his own devices quite a lot and watched tv/played computer games until all hours very loudly. As our bedroom is through the wall from his this left me permanently shattered all last summer. Dh did speak to the mother but no real joy there.

Thing is though, come November there was a baby in our room waking every couple of hours 24 hours a day. The boy did bang on the wall once in the middle of the night but my "out-of-my-mind-with-sleep-deprivation cry of don't you dare start on me" (I'm not proud of it ) was enough to nip that in the bud.

How will you feel if in February your neighbours ask you to move rooms because your baby is waking their dcs? I do realise it is hard though. Can you go to bed a bit earlier?

Bessie, if you can't go to sleep before midnight because of the noise on your road despite being so very tired - how do you expect your neighbour to nap during the afternoon?

The noise is at night because the teenagers and students who live on our road congregate.

what do you think of the white noise machine idea?

Get some earplugs.

wow indeed. wonder if it would block out dh's snoring. suppose not.

another, more comfortable than earplus alternative would be a noise reducing headset, the kind you have on planes. Although I guess that's only a temporary fix until the baby arrives.....

I think the white noise idea is a great one. A worthwhile investment because when the baby comes, white noise, really, really helps them sleep too.

twofalls - I'm worried the baby will end up like Wayne Rooney - unable to sleep without a vacuum cleaner on, or something silly.

Nah. My dd2 can sleep any where. It is really for the sporadic shrieking and stomping that go on during nap time.

lol, yes I know what you mean but as long as you don't use it ALL the time it won't, just when they are really unsettled or when there is lots of other noise going on. Our white noise CD was invaluable for the first few months and now dd gives us a very funny look if we try to put it on. She doesn't fall asleep when I have my hairdryer on or next to the washing machine (mores the pity .

Heh. Shame, twofalls.

I can not stress strongly enough how you should not raise this with your neighbours. It is totally unreasonable and you will come across as the Bridezilla equivalent of pregnancy. How would you feel if, theoretically, they asked you to swap rooms with your lodger so they could sleep better?

However tired you are, the SAHM to 3 children (under 4 years old?) which include a baby and a non-sleeper will be more tired, au pair, nursery or not. I speak from experience as someone who hasn't had a proper full night's sleep for over 20 months, excluding any pregnancy sleeplessness and sick older children in the night.

Seriously, it is not worth a) looking like an ar$e a few months down the line b) jeopardising your relationship with your neighbours (and it will) c) having them coming round to complain about the noise of your child or at least making it blimmin obvious that they can hear the screaming.

How your baby/child sleeps is not down to your parenting. I have 3 and all have been parented the same. 2 slept through early and soundly. My youngest does not and there is not a thing I can do about it. I can't move her bedroom (certainly not for the convenience of my neighbours), I can't sound proof the room, I can't make her sleep if she does not want to.

I doubt very much having a non-sleeper/early waker is something they're enjoying very much either.

I'm not being nasty or abusive, I'm being honest.

It's like that joke, the String and Octopus Guide to Parenting which advises you that, before having children, you should go round to friends with children and offer them advice because it will be the last time you'll know everything about parenting.

i'm afraid this is the fun of having kids as you will soon realise and without sounding horrible as i do feel sorry for you with lack of sleep but even if they changed rooms back how would you feel someone complaining about your child disturbing them

i understand that its tiring but when your dc arrives and goes in own room and disturbs the parents in next house with screaming what would you do

im afraid its a phase and as you will be told when your dc is that age to ignore crying if know child is not in pain as they seek attention its just unfortunate that your pregnant and tired but you will soon have to get used to this your self and your own dc will probably disturb them alot too at some point but nothing anyone can really do about it as its a phase they all go through

"you will be told when your dc is that age to ignore crying if know child is not in pain as they seek attention"

She might be told that but she sure as hell doesn't have to do it! I never did. And never would.

i see sleep therapist for my ds who isnt good with sleep obviously lol and she has given me advise and it works its not nice but they do seek attention and if they get it very hard to get them out of it one of my many mistakes and now i'm paying for that

many people parent in different ways i've tried other ways as she may have and that time in the morning can be quite common for a child that age to wake my ds used to wake up at 4.30am on the dot you didnt see me getting up at that time every day used to make sure he was ok then back to bed as advised

I think Dragon's advice is very good.

You really mustn't raise this with your neighbours. It is a pregnancyzilla or whatever the correct term is and might sour relationships with them forever. Honestly, it's unfortunate, I feel very sorry for you, but it's your problem, not theirs. They are using their home in the way it was intended to be used, they haven't placed a big amplifier in their toddler's room. If it's such a major problem for you, you either have to move or get your own house sound-proofed - it is not reasonable to ask a neighbour to spend money on soundproofing/ rearrange their living space to suit you, unless they are doing something the house was specifically not designed for and is not generally considered normal noise levels, like mixing records or something.

Our house shouldn't need soundproofing; the woman who lived in the house before our neighbours was v quiet and we never hear anything from the neighbours on the other side. I don't live in some conversion with paper thin walls.

Bessie, I really think this is just part of life. I am not sure what your neighbours can do about it and if it is upsetting you, it certainly will be upsetting them a lot more. They are not being thoughtless or intentionally disruptive to your life. If the positions were reversed what would you do? Would you change rooms with your lodger?