Quick back story. Me, DH, 2DC 2 and 5 year old. I'm in my 3rd year of a degree, DH works full time and I also work part time to cover nursery fees.
I'm in uni to try and better our lives and follow my dream career but get zero help from dh. All the housework and 'paperwork' for the family is sorted by me. My husband gives me a certain amount per month which doesn't even quite cover the rent let alone the £650 a month childcare fees I'm paying. I sort all the food shopping, birthdays and Christmas, if anything breaks I have to pay to sort it out/replace it. I also pay for all clothing and shoes including school uniform for the eldest .. Every little thing. Hence why I have to work alongside to try and cover some of the costs though I'm still struggling as student finance doesn't go far.
I'm on a medical based degree and so have placement blocks where I work 30 hours a week for free so I can't do much more than the part time hours I already am as I'm also registered disabled and its hard enough just mobilising somedays. I need major surgery (and have had several in the past) but am putting it off until my degree is complete so am in constant pain also.
I spoke to my dh tonight and it turned into an argument as he would rather watch videos on his phone than engage in an important discussion with his wife apparently. I try so hard. My youngest was a few months old when I started this degree and I've missed that time with him, I'm constantly worried about finances whilst he brags about his savings adding up. I don't even get a thank you for all the things I do. There is never a discussion he just expects me to pay for everything. I can't just say no when it comes to food for the kids, their needed clothes for school etc, when the fridge/freezer and washing machine broke these aren't something I can just leave and he never offers to pay part of anything though has about £750 per month to himself after all outgoings including petrol for the month whilst I get deeper in debt when these extra expenses crop up. When I'm trying to do work for uni in lockdown and needed his help with the kids to let me just finish the work he would say how I'm a bad mum and won't play with my kids.. I'm trying to build a better future for us and I feel so alone and at breaking point whilst he seems to have no worries in the world. If I'm struggling and can't go to work due to pain or stress whilst on placement he calls me a jobsworth and lazy. Then says he's joking when he sees it upsets me. I suggested tonight we switch everything to his name and I pay what he does per month and he sort everything for a few months to see why I'm so (as he says) boring and miserable. He said no as he wouldn't be able to afford it and would struggle but when I pointed out that's exactly how I am he just told me to stop moaning and shut up. His thought process seems to be that I wanted to do the degree so I should pay all childcare costs, even though his work is flexible and open 24/7 he refuses to move any shifts whilst I'm on placements so I end up paying ridiculous added childcare in those periods.
Sorry for the rant and lack of paragraphs I guess I just needed to vent and wanted to know if he's right in saying I should be sorting it all because I chose the degree? (though he said he would be supportive and I stated if he wasn't going to be I couldn't do it) or am I justified in feeling completely overwhelmed and undervalued?
I don't want us to break up the family over this and I'm so close to the end of my degree I just don't know how to handle the situation rationally and some outside perspective would really help so he understands how I'm feeling and hopefully appreciates me a bit more as at the moment he just says I'm nagging and blocks what I say out.