Hi, I'm not a mum but I like to scroll through mumsnet. Why do I do this? Because, well - my mum what people would call a workaholic - for good reasons.
She is currently downstairs, still working, and she works 2 jobs and is studying as well. Even when I try and set aside time for us to spend time together, she worries that if she doesn't work hard now, that she will never be able to earn enough money for a pension - so she works hard and late into the night, every night - and works all day every weekend, both saturdays and sundays, late into the early hours.
I am in my mid-twenties and she has been in a situation where she has to cover basically all bills (I contribute now even though I'm not living at home) and my dad, who doesn't tell her/us how much he earns, lives like a lord. It has emotionally crippled us for years. At first, my mum made excuses for him, or doubted herself, much like I see you doing now. He has drained her of her pension, her life savings, and she is scared about her future. She will likely (unless I win the lottery) work until she dies.
I have tried to ask her if I can go to the police. I have begged her to leave him. But she isn't ready yet, even though it's been happening for over a decade.
I am begging you, please, leave your partner. This sounds like financial abuse. It's a form of domestic abuse and is rarely talked about in the media, but it destroys lives, and if it keeps going, it will not destroy just yours, but your children's - I can tell you first-hand.
I am browsing mumsnet because I miss my mum, the woman downstairs who is working herself to death, because my dad has abused her financially for years.
Please. Don't be like her. I love her to bits, but I miss her every day. It's like she's already dead. I am begging you. I have never posted before, and created an account to talk to you because your situation is eerily similar to her's. I am in tears writing this, thinking about all you are going through already.