It's about so much more than the fucking cupcake

[MyHeadOverfloweth]

NC but a regular poster

I went out today, by myself! A rare occurrence with 2 small children but nevertheless I went out and DH stayed at home with the kids

Having done a bit of shopping (all stuff for the kids and an impromptu purchase of an item of clothing for DH) I decided to treat myself to a cupcake from a posh bakery-it's one of those that is enormous and is literally baked diabetes but being a rare thing I thought I'd get one....I had visions of getting home, sitting down with a cuppa after the kids had gone to bed, and tucking in to the delicious cakey goodness
DH does not like cakes, he doesn't like cupcakes, but I text him anyway to check just in case but no, he did not want one.

Reader, I think you probably know what's coming next...

Kids are in bed, and downstairs I come to find a scene of crumby destruction in front of me. Half the cupcake has gone.
When questioned, he said he 'thought it was leftover because I thought you ate yours when you were out'
I said to him 'You don't even like cupcakes'
And do you know what the bastard said?
'That's why I only ate half'

THATS. WHY. I. ONLY. ATE. HALF.

I have now been accused of making a big deal about it, but in eating half that cupcake I almost feel like he has dropped another crumb on what is a growing pile of moudly yeasty smelly grot.

Sort of lighthearted....but also sort of not

AIBU?

[EKGEMS]

@zigaziga I was using hyperbole just like you saying the cupcake was "sitting untouched for hours" and "fair game." No one gives a damn about your walk and yesterday's cake purchase so please knock it off with the face emojis.

[MeetMeInMontauk]

I think the real issue here is how/why OP was doing all the bath and bedtime routine solo. If you were a team dynamic then he shouldn't have even had time to look at the fucking cupcake much before you did, OP, as he should have been right there beside you helping out. The fact that he had ample time to swan around downstairs munching on baked goods speaks volumes. That's the true display of wanker tactics on show here.

[upsidedownwavylegs]

@zigaziga

*Why would you assume that? Some people like to save a treat and really enjoy it.
It's fucking rude to eat something that isn't yours without even asking first.*
Because some people don’t live like this - earmarking what is theirs and what isn’t and keeping score and getting angry about cake.
I wasn’t angry when my husband had more of his share of our cake yesterday. He wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I ate some of his pudding because he left it even if he’d been intending to eat it later.
If I still fancied cake the next day I would go and buy cake.
But yeah, living a life where everyone is angry and keeps grudges about cake is much healthier. Let’s all do that.

Do you genuinely not understand? As in, you actually aren’t able to comprehend the context and what the eating of the cupcake represents? Or do you just really like telling that riveting walk story?

[StormTreader]

It's punishment - you left him with the kids, so now you don't get to have all the nice thing for yourself.
Its "inconvenience tax" and also food claiming to remind you that he can have whatever he wants at any point because you're not top dog.

[rorosemary]

@HaggieMaggie

This is why I hide my goodies. Pan draw, the warming oven, top of the cupboards, the empty washing machine.....

Nothing is safe..

My stash places (I mix them up):

A few empty flower pots on top of the book case, the one in the back is stashed.
Under the window cleaning stuff in the basket.
In a box in the garage under some random stuff.
In the sewing basket.
In my lunchbox in the cupboard ( I don't work at the mo).

He needs to fetch you a new one today.

[rorosemary]

@UsedUpUsername

My DC has type 1 diabetes and this has absolutely nothing to do with them eating cupcakes

Ummm, your child has type 1. Everyone knows eating complete trash gets you type 2. Big difference.

Get a grip.

Can I just say in defence of the poster that there is still a lot of misinformation about T1? I'm T1 and still get wrong dieting advice that "would help bring my sugar levels down". It would help if people that know the difference keep mentioning the type.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

For those asking for an update on dps beer well I heard him rattling and muttering to himself this morning so he knows I've done something but he won't dare ask. This is solely because he knows he's in the wrong and he chose to take the risk. He also knows he'll be putting his fancy crisp stash at risk, I was already planning on feeding them to the seagulls and filming them eating them. Then casting it to the TV when he asked where they are.

But alas.

Yes I am petty but it's basic respect to ask before using or taking things that aren't yours. I wouldn't do that .......unless it's done to me in which case the gloves are off. And don't expect other people to do it either.

The biting of the cake signifies a total lack of respect leaving saliva and teeth ick. That shit isn't ok. I'd go on strike over it if he can't see how wrong that is.

If you do the cooking I highly recommend leaving him a plate of uncooked ingredients as his portion. Petty but satisfying.

[MyHeadOverfloweth]

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo will he ask at all do you think or will he just bank it inside and bring it up at a later date?
I do love your style!

[FOJN]

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo

I also love your style.

I see your point about being petty but like you said respect is a very basic requirement in a relationship. If a reasonable discussion can't achieve the desired outcome then how are you supposed to address repeated inconsiderate behaviour.

[FinallyHere]

he can be incredibly selfish and thoughtless,

I'm so sorry.

Funny how they always err on the side of 'i thought you already ate yours' rather than 'i wonder whether that is for me. I'd best not eat if til I get a chance to check my

[FinallyHere]

tempted to just return the item of clothing I bought for him, and when he asks just say 'oh I thought

Absolutely do it

It would be a kindness, even life saving, to find a punishment so OTT that he never, ever does anything like that again.

DH suggests 'next time you ask him does he want one, tell him he is dead if he eats yours. He also agreed that this should not be necessary for an adult.

And as for biting into it. Ugh. Just ugh.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

Op, he probably won't say anything to avoid my wrath.

Plus he knows I'm right.

I'm the youngest of 4 siblings and respect had to be fought for, I'm not hiding my stuff and having things taken without being asked as an adult. We don't have loads of money which is why there's an agreed budget to buy treats in. And the fact he seems to think he can enjoy his costlier stuff plus half of mine isn't on.

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

And definitely take that shirt back.

Hell take the shirt back and buy a damn cake every day with the refund !

[Imloosingmyshit]

Divorce.

[IZZYROW]

Instant divorce!!!

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@MyKingdomforaNameChange

I'm ordering a patio today, which will be laid in the next couple of weeks... Just thought I'd put that out there

And I need to get rid of this roll of old carpet and some duct tape . . .

[BrandyandBabycham]

How could it be left over if it was a whole cupcake?!!

[FolkSongSweet]

I feel really sorry for you OP. Like others I don’t think this is funny at all - he clearly was (at least subconsciously) trying to punish you. He will no doubt try to minimise it if you bring it up again, but it’s worth a serious chat to force him to confront his behaviour and what it means to you and for your marriage.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Literally just shovelling them in her mouth, not savouring them.

This.

Is.

OBSCENE!

[mbosnz]

I've got a leg of lamb in the freezer. . .

[SpringSunshineandTulips]

@CaledoniaCatalan

Yabu for the diabetes comment alone. My DC has type 1 diabetes and this has absolutely nothing to do with them eating cupcakes.
I don't know why having a life threatening disease that requires multiple daily injections just to keep them alive is something to joke about

Agree. ‘Baked diabetes’ is a horrible way to describe a cake. 😡

[TheDuchessofMalfy]

Literally just shovelling them in her mouth, not savouring them.

This really pisses me off too! People hoovering stuff up without even tasting it. Leave it for someone who will enjoy it!

[JulesCobb]

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo I love your methods... and im also a little scared

[Mincingfuckdragon2]

@MeetMeInMontauk makes an excellent point - why did he have time to eat your cake if it was bed/bath/book time?

[smurfette1818]

@spongedog

As you know, this is punishment for you having a nice day out on your own and a treat for yourself. Please do think about other similar incidents, where something that you like, valued, wanted, respected etc was ruined in some way. Might be minor each time, you may not have twigged, but the pattern will tell you.

The point I should have walked was when my then boyfriend called me late threatening to end our relationship because i had been out with another man (my good friend, at that time not openly out as gay, but beyond obvious). I wasnt used to dealing with what I called jealousy, but now know as abusive. The patterns tell the truth.

@spongedog 's comment is spot on.

people who said he owes her a cupcake before OP forgive him are missing the point. He owes her all those years she had spent with him so far.

Also revenge is pointless, just walk away.

OP you added a line to say that your post is sort of lighthearted which suggests you are not completely sure and thought many posters would think you are being unreasonable to make a big deal about a cupcake. It seems to me that you may have been used to his bad behaviors that you started to think it is normal?