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Original poster

To not understand why people are still having kids?

688 replies

Tobythecat · 20/09/2020 19:21

I understand that the urge to reproduce is very strong, but the future looks incredibly bleak (I'm not talking about just covid, but also climate change). I fear for the future and what sort of quality of life people will have, considering Automation/competition over jobs, climate change issues (food/water shortages, extreme weather). Honestly, how can you think that everything will be fine and work itself out, or do you just not think about it? Children today will face unimagineable suffering in the next 20-30 years, how can you justify it to them? I wanted children desperately but decided not to because of the above, plus genetic factors.

People mention the war and how people kept having kids, but the threats we face have never been faced before and are multifaceted. Is existing to suffer better than not existing at all?

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 20/09/2020 20:37

@sharpeidiem Where have I shamed anyone whos got kids? I said its certainly not a great idea to have one now.

nostaples · 20/09/2020 20:37

There will be and is unimaginable suffering but a lot if it is far from the west in places like Syria and out of sight/ out of mind to westerners. Having children in the west does contribute to the suffering of those in countries suffering from poverty and the effects of global warming.

TBH a bit depressing that people are asking what suffering? Do you now watch the news?

CMAYF11 · 20/09/2020 20:37

You always have to hope things will get better

PumpkinsandAutumnLeaves · 20/09/2020 20:38

We've had this topic discussed a few times lately op. Going by the other threads, there are plenty of people who agree with you. Though it turned out lots of those people had already had children themselves, but had the good grace to have them whenever the world was a bountiful utopia, free from any problems whatsoever 😇

ifiwasascent · 20/09/2020 20:39

That's your decision. Stop being preachy and just do what you want and stop trying to control others

Ohtherewearethen · 20/09/2020 20:39

Planet earth will adapt and survive as it has done for billions of years. Humans as a species may not, but we are a blink of an eye in the timeline of the history of the earth. There have been ice ages, droughts, floods, extremes throughout history, it is nothing new. The shapes and positions of countries and continents have changed and will presumably continue to do so. It's ridiculous to think that this is it, the planet won't continue to adapt and change as centuries pass by just because (or despite) humans dominating it. In 200 years there could be thriving populations living in Antarctica. It might mean that existing countries have sunk or are otherwise inhospitable but the planet will survive and thrive. Something like 90% of all species that ever lived on this planet have become extinct (sorry, I don't know exact stats). Because the planet changed and they couldn't keep up, and that's billlions of years before the ancestors of humans evolved. This will continue to happen throughout the future of the planet. Maybe humans will be the species that are capable of adapting to changes in the planet (because they caused an escalation of them?) and will continue to thrive. Maybe they won't and in the future, intelligent armadillos will learn about us in their history lessons. But to suggest that everybody stop reproducing now because in 20 years time there will be unimaginable suffering is absolutely absurd. Bordering on delusional. It really doesn't sound like the thoughts of a rational person.

GeordieRacer · 20/09/2020 20:39

Why, what's supposed to happen in 20-20 years' time? Confused

sharpeidiem · 20/09/2020 20:40

@UnshakenNeedsStirring I didn't say you- I said that's what the OP has done, which is what I stand by. But similarly I'm not sure you get to decide for everyone if it's a good time to have kids or not.

We will probably continue having kids as a society even if we descend into a dystopian hellscape, because a lot of us have a biological urge to do so.

Roowig2020 · 20/09/2020 20:40

What suffering do you mean? My dc have a much better life than I had 30 years ago. I only have one dc (I'm one of 5) so they will have more financial security than I had and a better step up in life. I know it's not the same for every child but all my friends who have dc say the same- we talk about the great life our kids have compared to us. I don't get your logic.

Daphnise · 20/09/2020 20:41

Having children is not a virtue.

Not having them is also not a virtue.

As for the future, I don't think people having children think much about the future- they just want a healthy child- now!

Careful plans for the future don't work- as the virus situation has shown us.

ktsc89 · 20/09/2020 20:42

So we need to stop reproducing and become extinct, is that the answer?

OP, stop preaching to vulnerable pregnant women - like me - who have enough worries in the world. Me and my partner want to have a child to love unconditionally. For us, age is a factor and I would regret it entirely if I missed my chance because of preachy and judgmental comments like yours!

sharpeidiem · 20/09/2020 20:43

@ktsc89 Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope all goes well and you and baby are safe and happy x

CuntyMcBollocks · 20/09/2020 20:43

Is that you Nostradamus?

WoobyWoo · 20/09/2020 20:44

Human beings are amazingly resilient and adaptable. It’s how we have survived so long. We will always find a way.

OneStepOneStumble · 20/09/2020 20:44

Issues like climate change and economy etc are valid concerns for the state of the world. But aside from that these threads always seem to have people saying "I'd not have children if it was my time now" - ergo you've already had yours and it sounds very shaming to women who want the same things you did however long ago you had your children. How can you tell others they shouldn't want children when you have already had the chance to have yours 😕

WiserOlder · 20/09/2020 20:45

I agree. If i were late 30s and it was now or maybe never i would find it very hard. The world is not safe right now.

2020iscancelled · 20/09/2020 20:45

Bloody hell I came on here for a bit of craic tonight.

Now I feel like ending it all

we’re all going to get old and die so should we just stick our heads in the oven and not bother experiencing the rest of our lives?

Do you not think every generation has lived through terrible tough times? My parents talk about sharing a bed with 4 siblings, never having new shoes, one bath a month, leaving school at 14 to work... then the blackouts and mass unemployment and riots and the troubles and 3 day weeks and struggling to earn enough to feed everyone....they’re still glad they had us and I never say to them I wish they hadn’t bothered bc I am now living in hard times myself

Literally calm the fuck down and have a cup of tea

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 20/09/2020 20:47

@ktsc89 the world is massively overpopulated so I don’t think the human race has any worries about becoming extinct any time soon. Hmm

PumpkinsandAutumnLeaves · 20/09/2020 20:47

these threads always seem to have people saying "I'd not have children if it was my time now" - ergo you've already had yours and it sounds very shaming to women who want the same things you did however long ago you had your children. How can you tell others they shouldn't want children when you have already had the chance to have yours yep, the do as I say and not as I do brigade. Hypocrisy at its finest.

username108 · 20/09/2020 20:49

@2020iscancelled

Bloody hell I came on here for a bit of craic tonight.

Now I feel like ending it all

we’re all going to get old and die so should we just stick our heads in the oven and not bother experiencing the rest of our lives?

Do you not think every generation has lived through terrible tough times? My parents talk about sharing a bed with 4 siblings, never having new shoes, one bath a month, leaving school at 14 to work... then the blackouts and mass unemployment and riots and the troubles and 3 day weeks and struggling to earn enough to feed everyone....they’re still glad they had us and I never say to them I wish they hadn’t bothered bc I am now living in hard times myself

Literally calm the fuck down and have a cup of tea

Honestly, I'd rather have not existed than to experience all of that. What sort of quality of life is that? Suffering is seen as some sort of virtue- yes a certain amount is a part of life, but constant struggle just doesn't seem worth it.
PablosHoney · 20/09/2020 20:50

What a ridiculous comment 🤣

sharpeidiem · 20/09/2020 20:51

@username108 We can't predict the future, as much as we try. Things are ultimately the best they've ever been and I think most people who are parents will do anything they can to protect their children. I just don't think making choices through fear of the hypothetical is a way to progress forward to avoid an ecological crisis.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 20/09/2020 20:52

@sharpeidiem well, you tagged me so I assumed you meant me. Having kids is a selfish thing to o anyway and I am with OP that the world isnt a nice place and I wouldn't be having any kids now. What other people decide to do is up to them, certainly not an intelligent choice anyway imo. There are nearly 8 billion people already here so unless something drastic happens I guess we will still be here

janetmendoza · 20/09/2020 20:52

Uh? Children in the uk will not face unimaginable suffering in 20 years! This is absolutely bonkers. Children in other parts of the world have always faced suffering (tho not unimaginable as it is clearly visible to anyone who cares to look). This has not stopped people for the most part from having children. As general rule, as peoples lives get better they have less children and as they get worse they have more children.

Emmmie · 20/09/2020 20:52

We will be having our first baby soon (after 12 year marriage). If we decide to have another one, I will be sure to ask for your permission first OP.

Get a grip honestly! So many people in other countries have been through wars, famine, oppression, illness outbreaks, terrible poverty, etc. Just because you have been lucky enough not to experience these types of hardships doesn’t mean they are not happening elsewhere. Should women stop giving birth every time something in the world goes wrong? Something is always wrong somewhere, but life must go on.

People who want/have kids have their reasons. They do not owe you or anyone else an explanation. Don’t worry though, if my family goes hungry we won’t come knocking on your door!