To not understand why people are still having kids?

[Tobythecat]

I understand that the urge to reproduce is very strong, but the future looks incredibly bleak (I'm not talking about just covid, but also climate change). I fear for the future and what sort of quality of life people will have, considering Automation/competition over jobs, climate change issues (food/water shortages, extreme weather). Honestly, how can you think that everything will be fine and work itself out, or do you just not think about it? Children today will face unimagineable suffering in the next 20-30 years, how can you justify it to them? I wanted children desperately but decided not to because of the above, plus genetic factors.

People mention the war and how people kept having kids, but the threats we face have never been faced before and are multifaceted. Is existing to suffer better than not existing at all?

Ah right, so you deliberately come on to a parenting forum, because you are against people having children and you take enjoyment from seeing them struggle? That's so lovely!

you take enjoyment from seeing them struggle? That's so lovely!

Not enjoyment as such. The world is so skewed towards the 'parenting is a such a JOY!' narrative that I like a good dose of reality to remind me that it's often a lot of bullshit and that neither me nor my non existent children are actually missing out.

Well I'm sure all the vulnerable mums on here struggling with PND are happy to be of service .

Seriously @TikkaBoo WTF? If you’re life isn’t so bad as you say then maybe you wouldn’t need to come on to MN to confirm that 🤔

ChelseaDaggers It's not just long haul flights... I had a discussion with someone the other day about hiking in Austria... and was advised not to go - for environmental reasons.
Because in some ski resorts, they are actually building huge water reservoirs underground to feed the snow machine for the ski slopes... madness! I hate to think about the environmental impact of this both for the present and the future.
There is a lot we can do before we stop having children. Like accepting that climate change is real and live accordingly.

Well I'm sure all the vulnerable mums on here struggling with PND are happy to be of service

Since a lot of them say 'Why did no one tell me it would be so hard?' - I'd say you might be right.

@ChelseaDaggers

What’s all this irrelevant shite about Africa got to do with my post? I was referring to here, in the Western World anyway. 🤦‍♀️

Because the fact that there is such a huge disparity between the carbon a westerner produces and what someone in parts of Africa produces, implies that lifestyle is a factor, rather than it being purely a numbers game. Hope that's easier for you to follow now ?

Whatever love, you’ve had posts deleted on this thread already. I’m not reporting you but obviously you want to justify your choices. I don’t think I’m 😇 for being childfree either btw. Just can’t stand young kids enough to have had one round me constantly. Thank,God I’m not African by your argument! Or “shudder” ...lived in the 1700s.

Seriously @TikkaBoo WTF? If you’re life isn’t so bad as you say then maybe you wouldn’t need to come on to MN to confirm that

Well the posts on MN tell me it could be much worse!

@TikkaBoo and all the posts on MN are negative or do you just pick the negative ones to reassure yourself? You should probably get a hobby that’s not trawling the internet looking to comfort yourself 👍🏼

Whatever love, you’ve had posts deleted on this thread already.

Meh, I can live with that! I've been reporting this thread myself. Perhaps my post saying people ought to fuck off back to Reddit was taken as a personal attack. Since it wasn't directed at anyone in particular, it really shouldn't have been, but what can you do 🤷‍♀️? Doesn't make my argument any less valid "love".

I don’t think I’m 😇 for being childfree either btw. Just can’t stand young kids enough to have had one round me constantly

Yep, this is often the case and thank you for saying so! When people say they did it for the love of the planet, I always think... did you though?

You should probably get a hobby that’s not trawling the internet looking to comfort yourself

Why though?! If it comforts me? It's fucking brilliant for that - Mumsnet!

Used to love watching Supernanny for exactly the same reasons!

@TikkaBoo bit wierd 🤨

Deep biological urge

@TikkaBoo

You should probably get a hobby that’s not trawling the internet looking to comfort yourself

Why though?! If it comforts me? It's fucking brilliant for that - Mumsnet!

Used to love watching Supernanny for exactly the same reasons!

Do you also trawl forums for people with terminal illnesses? You know, just looking for some reassurance that your life isn't so bad?

You know, just looking for some reassurance that your life isn't so bad

No, because a terminal illness isn't something that's pushed as fulfilling.

@TikkaBoo

You know, just looking for some reassurance that your life isn't so bad

No, because a terminal illness isn't something that's pushed as fulfilling.

But struggling with parenting isn't either.

@TikkaBoo

You should probably get a hobby that’s not trawling the internet looking to comfort yourself

Why though?! If it comforts me? It's fucking brilliant for that - Mumsnet!

Used to love watching Supernanny for exactly the same reasons!

You liked trawling the forums looking for comfort so much you decided to register and sign up so you could interact too? 🤨

Very odd.

And fuck right off about PND, its not about simply finding motherhood hard. Its depression, which as most people with a brain cell realise is very different from finding something hard.

I think you did the world a favour by not inflicting your horrible thoughts on to a child.

But why do you need constant reassurance OP that you've made the right choice? So much so that you're frequently reading about parental struggles on MN for validation? Why the insecurity? As I mentioned before, I know someone EXACTLY like this. The OP doth protest too much, methinks.

But struggling with parenting isn't either.

No. It's not spoken of so much - apart from on Mumsnet and other forums. Which is why I come here for a does of reality.

And fuck right off about PND, its not about simply finding motherhood hard. Its depression, which as most people with a brain cell realise is very different from finding something hard

It was another poster who mentioned PND - which is caused by having a child.
There are many others miserable due to the struggles of having children who don't have PND.
They also sometimes say that they wish that the hardships were talked of more, as it might have influenced their decision as to whether to have children. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't begrudge someone coming to Mumsnet to learn from their mistakes, since they wished they'd done the same.

I think you did the world a favour by not inflicting your horrible thoughts on to a child.

I know you meant this as an insult, but as this is exactly the sort of reason I think people like me shouldn't have children, I agree with you!

So many just have children anyway though.
Because They. Just. Don't. Care.

There has rarely been a time when parents could feel very confident about bringing children into the world. 40 years ago, people were worried about having children because of the danger of nuclear war. Children born in the late 19th or early 20th century had one disaster after another: a world war, a pandemic, a serious economic depression, another world war. Before that time, life was uncertain, full of hardship, and often short. About one-third of babies born in England in the early 19th century never saw their fifth birthday.

No. It's not spoken of so much - apart from on Mumsnet and other forums.

unless you have been living under a rock your entire life, then you know that certain aspects of parenting are a struggle. It is fairly well publicised tbh. When I fell pregnant with dc1, all I heard were dire warnings about how bad it would be! Which ended up being bollocks btw (sorry to disappoint you).

unless you have been living under a rock your entire life, then you know that certain aspects of parenting are a struggle

Many people still seem completely shocked by it though - hence the 'but you cant truly know until it's happened to you!' posts

all I heard were dire warnings about how bad it would be! Which ended up being bollocks btw

My objection to life in general is the amount of suffering generated by it, so I'm not disappointed at all, I'm glad for you.
I do however, think you're a minority rather than a majority.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't begrudge someone coming to Mumsnet to learn from their mistakes, since they wished they'd done the same. Just because someone is suffering depression does not mean they feel their children are "mistakes". Plus it's one thing learning from other people's hardships, it's another thing to take joy from it. Having children brings me so much joy. I had a very difficult life before this chapter though so I very much see how lucky I am to be alive and to have had these children. My eldest was conceived by rape but as soon as I felt the first flutters I felt overwhelmingly happy. And I find in real life people do talk about the hard times in parenting. It's like saying having a job is hard so nobody should work.

Sounds to me you’re trying to justify what you now feel was the wrong decision to yourself.