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Original poster

To think they are my sibling? (DNA results)

245 replies

PeanutButterFalcon · 20/09/2020 00:15

Hello,

I have done an heritage DNA test and have been linked to someone with a 100% chance they are a close relative (niece/nephew, grandparent, grand child, half sibling).

I have looked at my family trees and there is no link that I can see to their family. If I go back further, I would imagine, our DNA wouldn't be such a strong match. Over 25% of our DNA matches and we have the longest segment length of over 150. Although I'm not sure what the segment length means.

I cannot but help think one of my parents have had an affair and they are a sibling. I have so many questions and thoughts in my head. Are these tests reliable? How would we even go about working out if we are? I cannot ask my parents if they have and I do not think they would be honest with me anyway.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 10/11/2020 20:10

@espressoontap my sister has been kept up to date with everything and said to let her know if I hear anything from the other person (which I haven't). I don't want to push that I think my Dad is there's and cause an upset so I'll let it be.

I'm not surprised about my Dad. He would come and go. It obviously came as no surprise to my DM either. I do wonder how many more relations are about as apparently his brother was exactly the same.

OP posts:
Bigfatpicnic · 07/09/2021 23:13

I got a bit over invested in this thread at the time as I found it interesting.
@PeanutButterFalcon did anything ever come of this DNA match, or has everyone involved pressed the snooze button?

Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 20:41

@Bigfatpicnic yes more has come out.
From what we know so far there are a few (more than a few) more siblings and my Dad isn’t my biological Dad. A few of us have been in contact with each other, however, I haven’t told DM I know yet either. I can’t seem to do it.

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 08/09/2021 21:08

So your biological father is someone different to the man you believed was your father and the same goes for your sister? Wowsers.

Tistheseason17 · 08/09/2021 21:44

So that would suggest you share the same mother?
Not surprised you've not mentioned it to your DM.

berryfull · 08/09/2021 21:51

So it was your mum not your dad ! Wow!

knittingaddict · 08/09/2021 22:14

@Tistheseason17

So that would suggest you share the same mother? Not surprised you've not mentioned it to your DM.
I don't know the full story, but it could be same father, but different mothers. It wouldn't be the op's mother having lots of random children. The op's father is just not the man she thought it was.

Have I got that right op? Don't want to offend anyone.

WendyYourExcellency · 08/09/2021 22:24

Just read your whole thread. Think you’ve taken it really slow and steady, and I’m impressed. I’d always want to know the truth, whether painful or not. Hope it feels resolved or resolving for you.

Boredhimtodeath · 08/09/2021 22:29

Wow this is crazy!

Just to check I follow:
So the dad living with you isn’t your bio dad?
Another man is both yours and yours sisters, plus all of these other peoples?

lljkk · 08/09/2021 22:37

I think OP is saying she & unexpected sister share biological dads -- OP's bio mum is her mum. The dad who raised her is not her bio-dad.

Well... that's exciting, OP! Have you & unexpected sister become friends, does this mean you have a string of other unexpected siblings. Do you feel over-whelmed?

Nearlyme · 08/09/2021 22:51

How are you feeling? It can be a real shock when what we believe to be our foundations are rocked.

Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 22:57

I’ll try my best to explain this without giving too much away for other people and involved.
DNA test showed I matched with someone else, later found to be a half sibling.
My DSis also matched.
Later we then matched again with someone else. Again a half sibling.
We all share a Dad who is not my bio dad (don’t want to say who’s out of the matches it is just incase someone reads this who is involved) but have worked that out. There seems to be a few of us. Some raised by the real bio dad and some not. I haven’t spoken to the original match but have done with one of the others who like me has wanted to figure it out.
Feel I should bring it up with DM but she knew all along we had been looking into it and said nothing

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 08/09/2021 22:59

You seem to be quite grounded, OP, even with such vast amounts of change and confusion. Best wishes Flowers

Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 23:02

@Nearlyme it’s strange, I have so many questions I don’t think I’ll ever get the full answers to. And yet so many things make sense now too. I never felt I truly fitted in and even as an adult have gone a different path to my family. Turns out we all (bio dad side) seem to be similar with this. I’m still processing it and it’s been a while since we figured out who our bio Dad is.
It’s also scary what you can find out by social media, some Google searches and following family links/trees online

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 08/09/2021 23:05

Could it be that your dad was infertile so your mum needed to use donor sperm?

SD1978 · 08/09/2021 23:08

So your mum knew that your dad wasn't your sad, and yet told you your dad, who she was married to, had played around and probably had multiple kids, whilst not mentioning he wasn't your dad? That seems very confusing!!!

Branleuse · 08/09/2021 23:10

@Womencanlift

You are coming across very selfish OP. It is all about what you want to know. This other person could be fully aware of their history or you may opening a whole can of worms that cannot be changed. This is more than just you and your wants. I get that your excited that you may have another sibling but you need to think about the relationships that you could be damaging by going after this
Thats unfair. Lots of people are finding out new family with these DNA tests. Its often a really positive thing. The other person did a dna test too after all, so clearly interested in their heritage
CovidCorvid · 08/09/2021 23:11

Have you spoken to the person you thought was your dad or is he totally unaware?

Pinklioness · 08/09/2021 23:14

I know someone this happened to and they found out they did, in fact, have a long lost sibling from their father's affair. They haven't met them yet. The father is now dead. I think it's way more common than people realise.

Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 23:14

Haven’t replied to everyone but hope the above answers everything so far.

@lljkk I think it would be a bit far to say it’s exciting. My whole existence, genetics and childhood is not what I thought. I haven’t spoke to the original match but to become friends with strangers because we are biologically related wouldn’t be fair to push. The one person I’ve spoken to has just been trying to figure out what’s happening.

@Notaroadrunner I suppose it could be a possibility, and again a question for DM who isn’t admitting to anything and probably hoped I would give up trying to figure it out. She doesn’t know about the other matches either.

However, some of my family are identical to my (non-bio) DDad so i would be surprised if he was infertile. Again a question I may never get the answer to.

I think the other person may ask their family, but we have not long (month or so) worked out who is the bio dad.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 08/09/2021 23:19

So is your biological Dad now married to the mother of this person who's DBA you matched?

I take it he was a player. Goodness. Does your nin-biological Dad know?

Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 23:22

@SD1978 it wouldn’t be unbelievable if you knew my Dad. He probably has played around and fathered other children so she relied on that hoping I wouldn’t look further.

@Branleuse thank you. The whole time I have been considering my feelings, my families and everyone else involved. I didn’t do the DNA for family links I did it to see the ethnicity side and didn’t consider what it could uncover, maybe the adverts should warn you of this!

@CovidCorvid currently everyone except me and the other person I’ve been speaking too are unaware we know as much as we do. I don’t really know where to go next from here without causing upset to someone else, yet the questions play on my mind often.

@Pinklioness I hope those involved are ok, it’s hard to know you aren’t who you thought you are

OP posts:
SecretKeeper1 · 08/09/2021 23:22

This is fascinating and sad all at the same time, OP. The man that raised you is no longer with us, but do you think he knew you and your sister weren't biologically his? Obviously your mum must have a good inkling.

And, assuming you have a name for bio father, did you ever meet him? Have you mentioned his name to your mum to gauge her reaction?

Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 23:24

@FATEdestiny no and no to both those questions. I’m guessing bio dads children and family are his. We’ve worked him out through other DNA matches.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeanutButterFalcon · 08/09/2021 23:28

@SecretKeeper1 I do not honestly know. I was his favourite (everyone in my family will admit that), but was that to cover up or because he didn’t know. Without asking my DM I can’t say, but I’m not sure she’ll ever give me the answers I want.

Bio dad doesn’t know we know, neither have I met him or mentioned a name. I haven’t brought it up at home since I posted this thread as I worry the affect it could have on my other siblings

OP posts: