To think they are my sibling? (DNA results)

[PeanutButterFalcon]

Hello,

I have done an heritage DNA test and have been linked to someone with a 100% chance they are a close relative (niece/nephew, grandparent, grand child, half sibling).

I have looked at my family trees and there is no link that I can see to their family. If I go back further, I would imagine, our DNA wouldn't be such a strong match. Over 25% of our DNA matches and we have the longest segment length of over 150. Although I'm not sure what the segment length means.

I cannot but help think one of my parents have had an affair and they are a sibling. I have so many questions and thoughts in my head. Are these tests reliable? How would we even go about working out if we are? I cannot ask my parents if they have and I do not think they would be honest with me anyway.

What would you do in this situation?

[KingsleyShacklebolt]

No that's not right. Ancestry just gives you the raw numbers and suggests matches. They don't try to let you down gently or anything like that! The tool you need is the shared centimorgan project

dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4

You plug in the number of cM you share with the person in question and it will give the possible relationships and the likelihood of each. So for example 1200 cM is most likely to be a half aunt, first cousin, great nephew, but could also be a half sibling.

The average shared cM for a half sibling is 1769 but can be anything from 1160 to 2436. The average shared cM for a first cousin is 866, but can be anything from 396-1397.

So there's a crossover at the top end of the range for cousins, and bottom end of the range for half siblings.

[Themorethemerrier]

The tool you need is the shared centimorgan project

Who needs it?

[Themorethemerrier]

Sorry, I left out a part of my story.

I only ever welcomed my siblings, I was very happy to have them. And no, my mum wouldn’t have minded at all. She’d have made room at the table for them and absorbed then into her life as my siblings. She knew my father was a charmer and now that I know the stories of my siblings mums it’s very much obvious they were my fathers victims just as my 16 year old mum was when she met him just out of school.

[Longdistance]

I’ve got 926cm link. So I think I have a cousin out there somewhere. Can’t think who it could be? I’m assuming my dads side.

[Muchmorethan]

Could your Dad have had two families that he each spent time with....

[Kales29]

I am not help at all sorry op. But would you still recommend doing this? I've asked Dp for one for Christmas or my birthday but I'm considering saying don't bother. I've never met my real father. He lives locally and could find him easily so that's not the issue. The issue is he is known to be a bit of a womaniser and probably got tons of siblings out there! 🥴

[Ikeatears]

@PeanutButterFalcon there's a Facebook group called DNA NPE which stands for not parent expected. It was started by an American lady who had the same experience. There are people from all over the world on there who have made discoveries like yours (and mine) It's a very supportive group and very private. You may get some good advice there

www.facebook.com/groups/NPEGateway/?ref=share

[Themorethemerrier]

@Kales29

I am not help at all sorry op. But would you still recommend doing this? I've asked Dp for one for Christmas or my birthday but I'm considering saying don't bother. I've never met my real father. He lives locally and could find him easily so that's not the issue. The issue is he is known to be a bit of a womaniser and probably got tons of siblings out there! 🥴

Yes. I would still do my test again as my life has only become richer from knowing my siblings even though due to racism and alcoholism I know longer have contact with two of them through choice.

I absolutely adore my brother and the feeling is mutual.

[PeanutButterFalcon]

@nonevernotever I had the same revelation as my blood group is impossible and eye colour is unlikely from my DD. At the time I didn’t have this information and DM suggested she’d said the wrong blood group. There are so many hidden secrets within families.

@MrsLargeEmbodied yes I do, and there’s a few things she’s had that the GP has said is likely hereditary (nothing serious) but I have no idea about. It would be nice to know.
We have looked further into our DNA, you can get the full information from the website and with a bit of digging figure it out. As we are female we all share the Y gene from the bio dad, it’s identical. The shared segment lengths also give this away as they are strands of whole DNA and not small segments. It can be wrong for less of a match but the closer the family the less likely it is @KingsleyShacklebolt may be able to explain it better.

@RantyAunty no one else has taken the test, I feel it could cause a lot of friction in the family and I’m not sure if I want to do that.

@MolkosTeenageAngst you are correct. I do but I don’t think asking them to do it would be beneficial for them. All I get to gain from it is playing who’s got which Dad, which could cause upset to my siblings.
I don’t think my DM will give me the information I want/need.

@ittakes2 no I’m not and yes seen the marriage certificate. They were married before the oldest sibling would have been conceived.

@Goingdriving I have no idea how to do it either! I have however contacted the closest sperm donation place and await any information. I’m not sure if I would want this to be the outcome or not.

@Themorethemerrier we all look very similar too. I’m glad it seems to have had a happy ending for most of those involved in your case. It sounds like such a similar story.
I too have said the more the merrier in regards to siblings and it’s nice to hear how we are similar. I don’t think my mum however will be so open.

@BadNomad hopefully above answers your questions

@Muchmorethan my DD could have had many secret lives, however I’m 100% sure he is not my bioDD.

[PeanutButterFalcon]

@Kales29 sometimes ignorance is bliss. I’d really think about what else you may find out

[PeanutButterFalcon]

@Ikeatears thank you, I don’t use Facebook, however I’ll ask DH tonight if he wouldn’t mind me using his to have a look.

[Muchmorethan]

Sorry ignore my post....

So to clarify... the man who raised you and your sister as your Dad isn't either of you's biological father?

[Themorethemerrier]

@Themorethemerrier we all look very similar too. I’m glad it seems to have had a happy ending for most of those involved in your case. It sounds like such a similar story.
I too have said the more the merrier in regards to siblings and it’s nice to hear how we are similar. I don’t think my mum however will be so open

If I had ever met my siblings in real life I’d have run after them and said, ‘we have to be related’. We are carbon copies of each other as are our children and some of our grandchildren.

Even my birth fathers children from his second marriage are copies of the rest of us. In fact two of them could be twins. Also, one of my full sisters children looks like a twin to one of our half sisters daughter.

The wonders of Mother Nature. Wow.

[PeanutButterFalcon]

@Muchmorethan it looks that way, yes. I do think he’s my DB’s bio dad however

[3scape]

You don't share a Y gene if you're females. You have one X gene from your dad (two Xs one from mum).
ALL your chromosome pairs will have chromosomes from your dad, they won't be identical due to the process of DNA split/ copy etc, but large chunks will be the same.

[PeanutButterFalcon]

@3scape I got it the wrong way around! Essentially what I’m trying to say is our sex is determined by our father. In our case the shared DNA longest segment length is an entire strand of DNA, the X. If we had the Y we would be males so we have to have the X from our fathers.

[PeanutButterFalcon]

When we first matched I couldn’t believe how long the shared segment length was and that’s what made me look into things further

[Notaroadrunner]

@Kales29

I am not help at all sorry op. But would you still recommend doing this? I've asked Dp for one for Christmas or my birthday but I'm considering saying don't bother. I've never met my real father. He lives locally and could find him easily so that's not the issue. The issue is he is known to be a bit of a womaniser and probably got tons of siblings out there! 🥴

You can register your name as Minnie Mouse if you like - no need to put your real name on it. My cousin showed up on my matches recently. I got excited wondering who it could be but then he messaged me. He had registered with some random name. So you can do the test but still remain anonymous and you don't need to make contact with anyone.
Dh and I have had 5-8th cousins contact us, asking who we are. We tend to ignore them as that's just too distant a relative to figure out for us. We don't have any interest in compiling a huge family tree. Dh was adopted and has matched with relatives who are in contact with him so that's been lovely.

[Hobnobsandbroomstick]

"The Christmas present that could tear your family apart":

www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-46600325

In the video at the bottom of the article, a woman found out her dad wasn't her biological dad, and it turned out her parents were swingers in the 60s!

[JudgeJ]

@user127819

If you know their name and approximate age, you could search the births index for their date of birth and mother's maiden name. Freebmd.org.uk covers births up to 1992, Familysearch.org is up to about 2007 I think.

You may also be able to get onto findmypast.co.uk through your local library, it's a pay site but many libraries have access to it and during lockdown they've been giving home access. Many libraries also have access to ancestry.co.uk.

If you do find this person how would you feel if they wanted nothing to do with you The use of these DNA sites seems to hold the potential for unsettling a lot of lives.

[lottiegarbanzo]

X chromosome. Not Y gene. (Chromosomes are big things made of lots of little genes).

Female XX
Male XY

[lottiegarbanzo]

If your Dad was away so much, only committed on and off to your mum, I'm not surprised she had a lover.

[HarebrightCedarmoon]

I see this thread has been going on for almost a year, OP.

May I ask what happened when you contacted your possible sibling? Has your mum been any more forthcoming?

[PeanutButterFalcon]

I don’t understand genetics fully, neither do I pretend to, hence why I said it can be explained better by other people. I do know the DNA we share shows we have the same dad. We share an almost identical X chromosome, which comes from our bio dad. I confused the x and y as I was going from memory when I started looking into this a long time ago.

We have found who our bio dad is, but I have not contacted him and I’m not sure I want to either. He is not my Dad to me. In time this may change but currently I am happy not having a relationship with him.

@lottiegarbanzo Neither am I and in all honesty, for this and some other reasons I don’t want to disclose I would prefer this to be the case over sperm donation.

[PeanutButterFalcon]

@HarebrightCedarmoon the original match I haven’t had much contact with. However, a subsequent match i have spoken with and mainly looked into things together and discussed our similarities (we are very alike in that way). Since finding out as much as we have, we haven’t really spoken since although I’m sure we will. As you say it’s been a slow process and we have had to take a lot into consideration as we progress.

I haven’t mentioned it to my DM since. I don’t know how to approach that.