Toddler at playground - WIBU?

[Asiama]

DS is getting to an age where he can play at a playground with other children and I don't know what the etiquette is in the situation I experienced today for the first time.

Another toddler kept pushing DS and shouted at him to get out of the way whenever he went past. DS didn't respond and I couldn't see the parents of the toddler nearby. When the toddler pushed my son for the fourth time I looked at him sternly and said "no! We don't do that!" Toddler threw himself on the ground and had a tantrum but then got up and carried on playing, and didn't push my son again.

Was I unreasonable to "discipline" the other child? I wouldn't have liked it if someone else had done it to my child but then I would hope I stay nearby and keep an eye on him so I can step in.

Fine to chastise not fine to say it harshly. my just 3yo wouldn't likely push but if she was and anyone (even me) speaks to her harshly she'll cry.

He didn't though and stopped pushing so all good.

I do intervene but in a way that isn't too scary/OTT.

Something like - Excuse me, we don't push people when playing.

I’d doubt a 3 yo if he was smaller than your small 21m old. Assuming the other child was 2, the other parents should have been there watching. I’d have been horrified if either of mine had been pushing another child in the playground as you’ve described.

I would absolutely tell off a child of any age for pushing a 1yo but you do need to make sure they’re not in the way/interrupting the fun of older children.

@NoKnit

Sorry I'm not sure where people assumed I have a toddler (I don't) or a badly behaved child.

If your child is 2/3 and still lashes out then it is pretty obvious you need to watch them. I don't. I have a child who can deal with conflict, if another kids hits him he knows what to say.

Ladies I'd love to converse with you again when we all have teenagers just to see, you know, how they behave.

Wel, mine behaved pretty well and are now teaching their own children how to behave with others.

You did the right thing OP. I usually address all the children as a way of diplomatically telling a child off. "No pushing" " Be gentle" "Careful" usually also hoping to alert the parent as well as stop the misbehaving. Generally works.

Ladies I'd love to converse with you again when we all have teenagers just to see, you know, how they behave.
Plenty of us have teenagers . I'd hate to meet yours

I tend to intervene too. Largely because I don't want DD to think it's okay for people to treat her badly.

If it's something dangerous that the other child is doing (e.g. pushing on a climbing frame or top of a slide), I'll give them a stern "No, don't push". If it's something inconsiderate, but not dangerous, I tend to engage with DD instead to help her navigate the situation.

Totally fine and I'd have done the same. YANBU.

I can't believe NoKnit admits to standing back and sniggering at parents who, quite rightly, intervene when the likes of NoKnit's children are pushing and shoving and generally being terrible at the playground. It's this absence of parenting that makes these places unpleasant for everyone apart from the parents of the child behaving badly, as at least they get a laugh out of it. People like NoKnit might enjoy the toddler Hunger Games but most people just want to take their kids to the park, everybody to parent and watch their children playing nicely with others, taking turns, not hitting and shoving (by the way it's absolutely not expected that a four year old would impulsively push a much younger child out of the way, but I guess you might think this if you just leave your children to it and snigger when they behave like this at the park) and then leave again in one piece. If only, hey?

Listen I don't think anybody has actually read what I have written.

I snigger at mothers (not children badly behaved or otherwise) who intervene when their child comes into a slight bit of conflict.

Never did I say I let my children wallop/lamp other kids and snigger. I don't know how people assume that my kids are feral.

I snigger at such situations:
(My 4 year old to another, normally younger, not necessarily smaller child) : can you move we are playing a game
Other child : no response (say 21 months like OPs child)
My son: please I need to go past you
Other child : no response, nada, nothing
My son: barges past other child
Mother of other child: what are you doing leave him alone
Me: forchristsakes they are kids let them sort it out

In the case of the OP it is pretty obvious that at 21 months of course they can't play on their own or interact properly with other children so why this post was started is beyond me.

For those that are still interested I am actually British by birth but (very thankfully) lived in Germany for 22 years, most of my adult life (so the person assuming I was young, I'm probably older than you if your kids are still little)

The British culture of bringing up children is beyond my comprehension, here a mother of a 21 month old thinks he can play by himself at the playground whilst just the other week I read a post about an 11 year old not able to cross the road and not allowed to go to school by themselves. WTAF doesn't make any flaming sense

@NoKnit

If your child is old enough to play by himself then he should also be old enough to stand up for himself and tell the other child no he doesn't want hitting. I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time

You sound like you should be up for parent of the year. Eee, what a horrible response. I reckon you are a troll or a chav as no parent would seemingly act the way you say you do!

@NoKnit sniggering is never a nice thing to do. I'm not sure why you're so proud if it.

I’ll intervene any time and at most ages! Why wouldn’t you? If I see anyone being bullied and the victim isn’t able to stand up for themselves, I will intervene, age 2 or 12!

That huge post attempting to justify yourself NoKnit
I don't know why you bothered, you haven't made yourself look even marginally better.

And no kids even young teens don’t come with a ready made confidence, ready made good set of morals or ability to totally regulate themselves.

Kids left alone to sort it out between themselves is just another way of parents letting kids bully or be mean to each other and survival of the most aggressive.

If your own 'toddler' (you don't say how old) is just standing in the way and not responding to the other child then of course the impulse of a 4 year old is to push out of the way
Sorry but a 4 yo would/should know you don't push out of the way and especially not to for someone smaller!!

@NoKnit standing back and sniggering at your 4 year old pushing a 21 month old out of the way doesn't make you sound any better! That's not normal behaviour from an adult or a child.

If your child isn't mature enough yet to navigate interactions without getting physical, it's your job as an adult to teach them.

You were absolutely fine op.

I have a 4 year old and would be mortified if she started pushing younger children in the playground. She was playing so nicely with a 12/13 month old in a sandpit the other day, thankfully normal behaviour around me.

@NoKnit at no point did I say that my son was playing by himself, I'm not sure why this keeps popping up. If he was, I wouldn't have been there to step in.

Your broadbrush description of German parenting isn't reflective of the culture. On the whole they are responsible parents, just like on the whole parents in the UK are responsible parents.

@NoKnit - hmmm. There's a real sniff of superiority in the tone of your posts but actually all you've done is confirm that you've raised (or let them raise themselves) rude, aggressive, poorly behaved children. Certainly not something to be proud of anyway.

You were absolutely in the right to discipline the child. I would have done the same but probably would have been a lot harsher.

Not unreasonable at all. Though I would have spoken nicely not sternly. DS (who is very tall and looks older than 2) went through a stage just after he turned 2 of yelling "get out of my way!" at children and barging past them. No idea where he got it from, DH and I do not talk to each other like that at home . But he just didn't have sufficient language or maturity to understand this wasn't an appropriate way to behave then so we did have to follow him round reinforcing the message and making sure he didn't knock over any smaller ones until he improved. Other children, especially smaller ones, should be able to play in safety.

@Asiama I'd have done exactly the same as you - and I did, when my DC were that age. I'd have been horrified if they had ever behaved towards other children without consideration. It was my job as their parent to step in when they didn't know how to deal with a difficult situation. I definitely wouldn't have left them to it, or sniggered if they started barging past other kids younger than them.

NoKnits - my kids are teenagers. Come back to me when yours are.

Bit confused when I read a 21 month old can’t play with others or by themselves...

I’ve got a 21 month old dd, who plays with her own shadows and toys by herself, also plays chase with older children and all sorts of games..
there’s different stages of development.

Back to the op, you’re not being unreasonable, id say something potentially or remove my child from the situation. Along the lines of pushing isn’t kind.

@NoKnit
You’re in a hole. Stop digging.