Toddler at playground - WIBU?

[Asiama]

DS is getting to an age where he can play at a playground with other children and I don't know what the etiquette is in the situation I experienced today for the first time.

Another toddler kept pushing DS and shouted at him to get out of the way whenever he went past. DS didn't respond and I couldn't see the parents of the toddler nearby. When the toddler pushed my son for the fourth time I looked at him sternly and said "no! We don't do that!" Toddler threw himself on the ground and had a tantrum but then got up and carried on playing, and didn't push my son again.

Was I unreasonable to "discipline" the other child? I wouldn't have liked it if someone else had done it to my child but then I would hope I stay nearby and keep an eye on him so I can step in.

[oakleaffy]

@Asiama You did the right thing!
I have done the same...Put uno a hand in a ''Halt'' signal, and said ''NO!'..NO hitting!''...If a parent is so ineffectual they won't manage their bullying, pushy older child, then yes, it is acceptable to verbally say ''NO''.

[oakleaffy]

@NoKnit

If your child is old enough to play by himself then he should also be old enough to stand up for himself and tell the other child no he doesn't want hitting. I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time

Lazy parenting IMO...Always the bargy, pushy much older kids seem too have mothers /fathers who ''don't notice'' or ''look the other way'' or ''let them sort it out themselves''...Time after time the ''naughty child'' has a parent who 'doesn't want to get involved''..It's not good enough.

Some big 4 yr olds can be very aggressive to little ones, and if a little one is an 'Only' he or she usually isn't a snatchy pushy child.

[Hahabonk]

As a parent in Germany I’d just like to disassociate the rest of us from NoKnit’s utterly bizarre comments.

[oakleaffy]

@Hahabonk

As a parent in Germany I’d just like to disassociate the rest of us from NoKnit’s utterly bizarre comments.

I remember German families being very hands on in Camp sites &c. And definitely supervised and kept their children in order. :)

[justasking111]

@BarnabyButterfly

I find the interference of British parents on holiday extremely stuffy. That is not how to teach kids to think for themselves

I find lazy parents who don't teach their feral DC how to behave in public extremely annoying. That is not how to parent a child.

I think we have all met parents with feral DCs. sigh.....

I would intervene as well. I helped run a play group and would intervene when there was the inevitable rumpus most days.

[MomToTwoBabas]

I would have done the same.

[AnnaSW1]

I'd have said stop it/ no pushing allowed too . In a calm way. I'm not going to just let someone push my child.

[TableFlowerss]

@NoKnit

If your child is old enough to play by himself then he should also be old enough to stand up for himself and tell the other child no he doesn't want hitting. I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time

What a strange thing to do. Bet you’re kids end up bullies. Why wouldn’t they if their own mother finds it funny when they push other kids.... ffs!

[lyralalala]

I snigger at such situations:
(My 4 year old to another, normally younger, not necessarily smaller child) : can you move we are playing a game
Other child : no response (say 21 months like OPs child)
My son: please I need to go past you
Other child : no response, nada, nothing
My son: barges past other child
Mother of other child: what are you doing leave him alone
Me: forchristsakes they are kids let them sort it out

If my 4 year old thought barging past a smaller child in that situation was the correct response I'd consider it a failure on my part.

[sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]

@Hahabonk There is always that one parent, no matter where in the world you are. I don't think anyone here thinks it's a German thing!

[BatShite]

I once had to tell a kid off for punching my (then) 2 year old in the face. The parents were actually there, watching and doing nowt. They suddenly showed more interest once I told the kid that was nasty and not to do it though. Sharp strutted over trying to intimidate me, and threatened me with violence, loudly. Could see where the kid got it from. Too may people seem unable to actually watch their own kids. Yeah you don't have to hover over them, but if they are right infront of you hitting someone else...surely yur reaction should be to stop it. Not just watch your little cherub bruise the face of a 2 year old for no reason.

[ktp100]

You can't sit back and watch other kids treat your child badly.

I wouldn't have been stern first time but if they didn't stop I would.

[HappyBumbleBee]

I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time

Well aren’t you a charming person!

[ladyflower23]

OP you didn't do anything wrong and I think using a stern tone in the circumstance was fine!

[HoldMyLobster]

@NoKnit

Sorry I'm not sure where people assumed I have a toddler (I don't) or a badly behaved child.

If your child is 2/3 and still lashes out then it is pretty obvious you need to watch them. I don't. I have a child who can deal with conflict, if another kids hits him he knows what to say.

Ladies I'd love to converse with you again when we all have teenagers just to see, you know, how they behave.

I have teenagers - what is it you'd like to discuss?

Also, I lived in Germany when my younger siblings were toddlers, and took them to the park, pool etc regularly. Your description of 'German' parenting is bullshit.

[ViciousJackdaw]

Completely reasonable. I'm in my 40s and when I was a girl, any adult could be stern with any child and it would be accepted. Not in a nasty way, more of a 'Pack that in now or I'll tell yer mam' way (regardless of whether they knew our mam or not!).

[Lilybet1980]

@NoKnit

Sorry so what I'm saying is that this 'toddler' you describe could easily be over 4 years old. If your own 'toddler' (you don't say how old) is just standing in the way and not responding to the other child then of course the impulse of a 4 year old is to push out of the way

Wow. What kind of child are you raising? A 4 year old should absolutely know that it’s not ok to push a smaller child out of the way.

[Lilybet1980]

@NoKnit I don’t for a second believe you are actually a parent. If you are you must be a complete twat. On what planet is it ok to encourage a much bigger kid sort it out with a toddler. Because a 4 year old is much bigger than a less than 2 year old, and if you’ve ever tried to have a reasonable conversation with a less than 2 year old you’ll know it’s not possible.

[Coyoacan]

@NoKnit I'm from a generation that generally played out away from adults from a young age, but we always knew not to push younger children around. I'm afraid the Germans must regard you as the British mother of the feral children.

[UnaMujer]

I have worked in various educational settings and children with parents like @NoKnit always really struggle. They often find it difficult to form friendships. Teachers have to spend a lot of time undoing the behaviours the child has picked up because their parent can’t be bothered to actually do any parenting.

[SquirtleSquad]

What the fuck why should another child move for yours if they were there first? Definitely not ok in the situation you describe @NoKnit for shoving little kids out of the way.
What a bully.

[1forAll74]

I would have done the same as you, and would have been quite stern also. Some folks have children who have no discipline at all, then they have a tantrum when told off by someone else.

I recently saw a child outside the village school, he pushed another child over off the kerbside into the road. The pushing child's Mother came by and said, don't do that darling, lets go to the village shop and get you some sweeties !

[BarnabyButterfly]

For those that are still interested I am actually British by birth but (very thankfully) lived in Germany for 22 years

Very thankfully 🤣

[Happyhappyday]

@NoKnit fundamentally your job as a parent is to teach your child how to function in society. If you’re at the grocery store and an adult is looking at their shopping list intently and doesn’t move when you ask them to because they don’t hear, or are rude, because some people are, so you “barge past” them? That isn’t polite. Straight up American hear, we are not known for mincing words and people just don’t do that! You go around or wait until they hear you. It’s really annoying but we have to get along with others. If your child is barging past a YOUNGER child who may or may not developmentally even be able to understand what is being asked of them, you should be explaining to them alternative courses of action, like, sometimes when we’re playing people are in the way and we have to change what we’re doing to accommodate it. There is snowplow parenting and using interactions as teachable moments. Snowplow parenting is super irritating but it’s not the same thing as teaching your children!

[JalapenoDave]

@NoKnit you sound like a lovely human.