Toddler at playground - WIBU?

[Asiama]

DS is getting to an age where he can play at a playground with other children and I don't know what the etiquette is in the situation I experienced today for the first time.

Another toddler kept pushing DS and shouted at him to get out of the way whenever he went past. DS didn't respond and I couldn't see the parents of the toddler nearby. When the toddler pushed my son for the fourth time I looked at him sternly and said "no! We don't do that!" Toddler threw himself on the ground and had a tantrum but then got up and carried on playing, and didn't push my son again.

Was I unreasonable to "discipline" the other child? I wouldn't have liked it if someone else had done it to my child but then I would hope I stay nearby and keep an eye on him so I can step in.

[RachelRosie]

I've had to do this a couple of times, when another child has directly hurt mine. For example one grabbed her off a slide at gym club or pushed her with both hands at soft play out of the blue. I've only done it when the parents are nowhere to be seen/glued to their phone or just watching obvious.
If there parent is there dealing with it, I stay out of it.
The way i see it is less disciplining someone elses child, more showing mine that its not ok for people to hurt her.

[MitziK]

@YouJustDoYou

Actually that depends on where you live, absolutely normal in country where I am. I find the interference of British parents on holiday extremely stuffy. That is not how to teach kids to think for themselves

It teaches them MANNERS. But inwouldnt expect you to understand that. Also not British born, by the way.

A parent of a much larger built 3 and a half year old and my ex found out that this wasn't be best idea in the world when DD1 was 3.

He'd been grabbing her bucket, pushing her aside and kicking her sandcastles down for around 20 minutes. Both of them were congratulating themselves about how this would be a learning experience for DD to learn how to stand up for herself just as she decided she'd had enough - and twatted the little shit round the side of the head with her metal spade.

[BrummyMum1]

Surely it’s a natural parental instinct to defend your child against harassment.

[DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon]

It is absolutely not normal for a 4 yr old to push a small toddler out the way. Id be horrified if my child thought that was okay, not stand back sniggering, what the actual fuck?

21 months is not much bigger than a baby! You cant expect a 21 month old to stand up for themselves over a child twice their age

@NoKnit clearly does have a badly behaved child otherwise there would be no situations to stand back sniggering in.

Lets hope a parent like OP does wade in a teach the poor child how to behave

[Squidwitch]

I hate that we have become so terrified of talking to other people's children, mostly it seems because we are becoming so insular and fearful of confrontation. Imagine yourself as a three year old, with another child hurting you, and your parent doing nothing. It doesn't build confidence. I had to tell a ten year old off in the park the other day for pushing over and then kicking his younger brother in the genitals. No way on earth I'm letting my toddler boys watch that and think it's ok just because crap mum is probably gonna go off at me. You did the right thing.

[Squidwitch]

Speaking as a 70s child, where ANY adult telling you off was normal, and all adults in the park looked out for everyone and helped hurt kids too, not just meerkatting around for someone else to fix it.

[Asiama]

@FancyAnOlive I have married into a German family and DH also said in a situation like this in Germany, parents would have intervened sooner than I did and probably more robustly. SIL lives in Berlin and from what she says it doesn't seem uncommon to tell off other people's children at the playground!

I know @NoKnit used an example of a 4 year old but just to be clear, in my case the other child was smaller than DS but could speak very well, so I assume was a very small 3 year old or a 2 year old with good speech. Either way I would have expected parents to be nearby 🤷‍♀️

[nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut]

im sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering, I do this all the time

Judging from your behaviour and your poor grammar, I'm assuming you are very young. Its a shame you are having to try and parent when you clearly weren't very well brought up yourself and still need guidance.

[Bourbonbiccy]

And we wonder why our schools struggle with bullying when we have parents advocating toddlers repeatedly pushing someone until he retaliates, to build "character" no doubt

OP you did the right thing, if a parent isn't parenting, they have to accept someone may need to step in, you were fine.

[YouJustDoYou]

A parent of a much larger built 3 and a half year old and my ex found out that this wasn't be best idea in the world when DD1 was 3

He'd been grabbing her bucket, pushing her aside and kicking her sandcastles down for around 20 minutes. Both of them were congratulating themselves about how this would be a learning experience for DD to learn how to stand up for herself just as she decided she'd had enough - and twatted the little shit round the side of the head with her metal spade

So you taught your kid she has to fend for herself and there will never be anyone around to help her. Good for you!

I also remember my relative standing around and letting me get bullied, like you let your daughter get bullied. I mean, that's your choice to do that. But I clearly remember feeling deeply hurt and alone. Each to their own I suppose.

[MitziK]

If I'd been there, it wouldn't have got that far in the first place and the little shit wouldn't have sustained a cut to his forehead.


Because I believe in looking after your children and not claiming it's character building for them to reenact The Lord of the Flies before nap time.

[OverTheRainbow88]

The teacher in me can’t not say anything.

Last week a teenager walked by and spat their chewing gum onto the floor... I must have been in school mode as said pick that up and put it in a bin, the boy did it and his mum gave me an evil glare.

[purpleme12]

God I just hate spitting full stop.
Why on earth do people spit?!

[Sockmonster23]

Normal people don't stand back and let their toddlers fight it out at the playground!

Actually that depends on where you live, absolutely normal in country where I am. I find the interference of British parents on holiday extremely stuffy. That is not how to teach kids to think for themselves
Exactly and I’ve notice the kids are a lot better behaved and more grown up abroad. I mean foreign kids. Even the way they sit atRestaurants from a young age and eat meals. It’s amazing