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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler at playground - WIBU?

139 replies

Asiama · 19/09/2020 21:30

DS is getting to an age where he can play at a playground with other children and I don't know what the etiquette is in the situation I experienced today for the first time.

Another toddler kept pushing DS and shouted at him to get out of the way whenever he went past. DS didn't respond and I couldn't see the parents of the toddler nearby. When the toddler pushed my son for the fourth time I looked at him sternly and said "no! We don't do that!" Toddler threw himself on the ground and had a tantrum but then got up and carried on playing, and didn't push my son again.

Was I unreasonable to "discipline" the other child? I wouldn't have liked it if someone else had done it to my child but then I would hope I stay nearby and keep an eye on him so I can step in.

OP posts:
KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 19/09/2020 21:56

I had to do similar yesterday, DS isn't two yet and a 4/5 yeast old kept pushing him out of the way and literally trying to climb over him on the steps up to the slide etc, this was in the smaller section of the park too, the grandmother was watching a baby/on her phone and to be fair did shout out a couple of times to not push/wait her turn, but it was pretty half arsed, so eventually I said to her ' ooh be careful, he's only little' and then 'hold on a moment, we don't want a crash!' when she tried to dive down the slide when DS was about 25% down. In the end I took DS to another bit of the playground and said come on we can come back to this bit later. I think there's a limit. A 9/10 year old shoved DS with both hands at a different playground a few weeks ago, again in the toddler section, and knocked him flat on his bum. Him I actually told off, I just said sternly 'hey he's only a baby you're old enough to know you don't push people over, it's not nice' . Some people let their children just run riot.

surreygirl1987 · 19/09/2020 21:59

I found soft play even worse than the playground actually. Parents at the café while their children were trampling over the babies and toddlers in the little kid ares. Despite being way too big for it.

Nanny0gg · 19/09/2020 22:00

@NoKnit

If your child is old enough to play by himself then he should also be old enough to stand up for himself and tell the other child no he doesn't want hitting. I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time
Really? So you wouldn't intervene if you saw your toddler pushing another one?

How do you think they learn? And no, they're not old enough to deal with it on their own!

OP - you did the right thing

lyralalala · 19/09/2020 22:01

@NoKnit

If your child is old enough to play by himself then he should also be old enough to stand up for himself and tell the other child no he doesn't want hitting. I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time
If your child is old enough to play by himself then they shouldn't be pushing in the first place.

If the other mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at her child repeatedly lifting their hands to another child then shame on her.

Tattoocrazymum · 19/09/2020 22:04

@NoKnit

Good parenting, if that's how you deal with your badly behaved child i suspect you will have a little bully on your hands in the near future.

0gfhty · 19/09/2020 22:06

What country are you from?

MJMG2015 · 19/09/2020 22:06

@NoKnit

If your child is old enough to play by himself then he should also be old enough to stand up for himself and tell the other child no he doesn't want hitting. I'm sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering at you. I do that all the time
Big load of absolute tosh.

& she said he's at an age where he can play with others, not by himself

Your behaviour is terrible, start parenting, not laughing at other parents when your child is behaving badly.

NoKnit · 19/09/2020 22:09

Sorry I'm not sure where people assumed I have a toddler (I don't) or a badly behaved child.

If your child is 2/3 and still lashes out then it is pretty obvious you need to watch them. I don't. I have a child who can deal with conflict, if another kids hits him he knows what to say.

Ladies I'd love to converse with you again when we all have teenagers just to see, you know, how they behave.

0gfhty · 19/09/2020 22:09

@NoKnit

Normal people don't stand back and let their toddlers fight it out at the playground!

Actually that depends on where you live, absolutely normal in country where I am. I find the interference of British parents on holiday extremely stuffy. That is not how to teach kids to think for themselves

Sorry I meant no knit what country are you from?
grey12 · 19/09/2020 22:09

Have had to tell other kids off a couple of times. I know it feels bad but I feel it is your responsibility if you see something wrong.

I once had to tell kids off for throwing rocks up a slide!! It was a closed one and big so it could have easily hit a kid on the face on their way down. No parents came around at all!! I would have come to see why someone was telling my kid off...

GilbertMarkham · 19/09/2020 22:10

What country are you from?

Pretty sure she's from Goadyland,it's in scandanavia .. next to Troll-land.

TitsOutForHarambe · 19/09/2020 22:11

im sure the other kids mother was watching from a distance and sniggering, I do this all the time

That's a bit embarrassing to have to admit, but I suppose this is an anonymous forum...

lyralalala · 19/09/2020 22:12

Ladies I'd love to converse with you again when we all have teenagers just to see, you know, how they behave.

I have three teens so far. Still never felt the need to watch from afar and snigger at another parent.

AnxMummy10 · 19/09/2020 22:12

I wouldnt have waited for it to happen the 4th time.. I would have discipline him before that.

cherry2727 · 19/09/2020 22:15

We had parents like @NoKnit at Legoland last week when we went . A supposedly 2 year old kept repeatedly pushing my ds who's 4. I suspect he had parents like Noknit sniggering away at the the fact that their son was being horrible to another young child . Wishing I'd done like you Op- now that I know how parents like Noknit react at such nasty ways I will take matters into my own hands !

StrawberryMice · 19/09/2020 22:15

I'd probably say it firmly but nicely and lightly to the other kid. ie "Oh no sweetheart, we don't push each other!" Assume (by tone) they didn't mean to do it as such.

I've never had a bad reaction and literally 100% of the time the other kid has stopped doing what they're doing in their tracks. I've never needed to be harsher than that.

Original poster
Asiama · 19/09/2020 22:15

Sorry I should have clarified. DS is 21 months. He's short for his age and borderline underweight, and doesn't speak yet (another concern I have for another thread ). The other child was shorter than DS, more robustly built and could speak very clearly...so I assume no older than 3 years if he is short for his age?

Thank you all for your input. Lesson learnt for me to perhaps not be stern.

@NoKnit interesting perspective, I think we have different parenting styles. I would prefer to stay close to my child and teach him what's right and wrong than leave him to it and snigger at other people. It's nothing to do with nationality, I'm not British either.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 19/09/2020 22:15

I've politely told off another kid.before, which the mother didn't like, but if you're going to deliberately block another child's path who's younger than you and in a snotty voice say "YOU'RE not getting past, you can stay in the rain, hahahahaha, look how wet he's getting!", I'm going to ask you to please move because that's not a kind way to talk to someone.

YouJustDoYou · 19/09/2020 22:15

(You little fuck)

YouJustDoYou · 19/09/2020 22:17

Actually that depends on where you live, absolutely normal in country where I am. I find the interference of British parents on holiday extremely stuffy. That is not how to teach kids to think for themselves

It teaches them MANNERS. But inwouldnt expect you to understand that. Also not British born, by the way.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/09/2020 22:17

I would have said something but I would have said it in a normal voice, certainly first of all. Doesn’t have to be stern to get the message across, particularly with a toddler.

Wtfdidwedo · 19/09/2020 22:19

@NoKnit

Sorry so what I'm saying is that this 'toddler' you describe could easily be over 4 years old. If your own 'toddler' (you don't say how old) is just standing in the way and not responding to the other child then of course the impulse of a 4 year old is to push out of the way
I have a 4 year old and her impulse isn't to push a child over, it's usually to ask them to move.
LajesticVantrashell · 19/09/2020 22:21

My DS is 3 (nearly 4). We have a very clear 'no throwing sand' rule at the park.

Last weekend, two boys (aged 7/8) lobbing huge great handfuls around. Hit DS, hit me. I told them "Guys, GUYS, we do not throw sand, OK?" Parents not near - but don't expect them to be at that age, but if your kid is doing something dangerous or against the normal code of the playground, they'll normally get told by someone.

Thisismytimetoshine · 19/09/2020 22:22

That is not how to teach kids to think for themselves
Completely ignoring toddlers until the behaviour reaches Lord of the Flies levels is not teaching them to think for themselves, it's a lazy, ineffectual cop out.
To the power of 10 when you actually sit on the sidelines sniggering like the absolute disgrace above.

Thisismytimetoshine · 19/09/2020 22:24

It is not the instinct of a normal 4 year old to shove smaller children out of the way 🙄

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