She wants to come for Christmas but I'm due to give birth....

[icantstandhorridhenry]

Hi all!

I'm pregnant and due on 16th December, my mum has just asked me if she can come for Christmas dinner or if I can go to hers for Christmas dinner.... yes it's September!

I am well aware babies are known for not appearing when they're due, he could be early, he could be late. I could have a lovely labour, I could have a terrible labour. I could be out the hospital same day, I could be in for days.
Giving birth is so unpredictable that my partner and I are just taking Christmas as it comes this year and making different plans for different outcomes.

I don't want to spend Christmas with my mum, she's aware of that.
I would like to spend christmas with my newborn son, my DP and DSC if our son arrives in good timing and all goes well.

I've told her all of this, she knows I don't do Christmas well anyway. (Being dragged around every year to see family all day when I was a kid rather than just being with my mum and dad didn't help) but her reply was that I'm only having a baby I'm not disabled and if he comes on Christmas Day she would understand.
May I add, she lives on her own through fault of her own.

AIBU for telling her to back off and to respect that because this year is so unpredictable and I'd rather just have as chill of a Christmas as possible.

Your thoughts are appreciated!

Stop using excuses as to why you CANT and just tell her you dont want to. No further explanation needed. "No thanks, I want Christmas alone with DH and our new baby but we'll see you around Christmas time, we just dont know when yet, I'll let you know nearer the time."

Just tell her that you can't commit to dates/places as your birth date is unpredictable.
Just leave it at that.
I would , in your position, prefer to stay at home with your new baby.
If she wants Christmas dinner with all the trimmings then either your partner cooks it or she cooks it.
I'd be inclined to have your own family Christmas and she could visit on Boxing Day.

"No. We'll just be having a quiet Christmas with our own little family."
Say it now and it's dealt with months in advance. Then you can look forward to your new baby and a chilled Christmas. I would also remind her that she should wait for an invitation, as that's polite. Don't be bullied, guilt tripped or cajoled into doing what she wants.

If baby has arrived, you will probably want to have a quiet Christmas. If they haven't, you will be cheesed off as hell and not in the mood for being jolly, and will probably want to just be on your own space.
Tell her no, it's just bad timing for this year, but be very clear about it so there's no room for doubt.
With dc1 my due date was Christmas Eve. I was the size of a small whale and there was no way I could shift myself to go anywhere or entertain anyone else. As it turned out, a lovely friend invited us for a very relaxed meal with her sister who was also due. It was lovely but there was no pressure - they lived next door.
As it turned out, dc arrived 13 days late. I was grateful for the respite TBH.

Just say no. You may well be in labour. It's not possible to have guests on a day when there's a reasonable chance you'll be giving birth.

I don’t think you need to tell her to back off.
Say as PP said that you want to spend it with just your new baby DP and DSC.
Then if she keeps on you can tell her to back off!

You don't need an excuse or a reason. She sounds... er... unsympathetic. Just tell her no.

I'm confused OP. Do you know want to spend Christmas with your mum because of the baby or because you don't like her?

I've got two January babies. First time round we went to my parents, I thought we could have Boxing Day as "our" Christmas with DC1 and our last time as the 3 of us. Well due to my parents dodgy hygiene I spent Christmas night expelling my christmas dinner out of both ends in between napping on the bathroom floor at 8.5 months pregnant with severe SPD. Second time round they came to us and still expected me to host and look after DC1&2. IME if your mum is the type to muck in and help out and be considerate and be good company then that's great. If not then go Zammo.

YANBU, She is.

Stop making excuses and just say I don't want to. I am spending Christmas at home with DP, the new baby and DSC.

You are a grown woman, about to have a baby yourself, assert yourself. If you can't say it, text it.

It doesn’t look likely that any of us will be spending Christmas anywhere other than in our own homes, in lockdown, so I wouldn’t stress.

However, you don’t sound as though you like her very much. If you dislike her and are happy for her to spend Christmas alone then you just need to say that you’re having Christmas with dp and dc this year.

My baby was born on the 22nd. We had Christmas Day just me, DP and DD. They then set a routine of us always having Christmas Day as our immediate family (we had 2 further DD's)

'No. That doesn't work for us this year.'

YANBU

Now is the time to take control of Christmas traditions and have things your way.

Just say no. No, no, no and keep practising the word.
As women we don't say no nearly often enough. We don't have to give an explanation either we can just say no that's not working for me.

Just say no. It’s your Christmas and your rules. It’s likely we will be on lockdown again by then or stricter rules for visitors so it may not be possible anyway. Don’t let her push you into deciding things you aren’t comfortable with. Good luck with the birth.

Probably won’t be allowed anyway due to lockdown

How far away is she? Would you be happy travelling and possible rushing back? If baby is here before hand would you be happy travelling?

I’d say you are staying at home but not cooking anything big. That way if baby has arrived you can throw in something from freezer and easy. If you are still waiting I’d still throw something simple from freezer and enjoy relaxing day without stressing over food.

Don't prevaricate. Just tell her no so she can sort herself out.

I'm a Christmas day baby, and I love Christmas day at home with my immediate family. That's DP and DCs.
End of.

Just laugh, say you can't possibly commit and suggest that she makes plans this year which don't rely on you.

You guys have given me the boost or confidence I needed! Thank you so much!

As some of you have figured I'm not particularly fond of my mother at the best of times!

I've just sent her a text because I realised it's not just MY Christmas she would be infringing on, it would be my DP and DSC and my DSC May not even get a normal Christmas with their dad if things don't go to plan!

I've just told her all that and said that as children that still believe in Santa they are more important than her as are mine and my DPs wishes.

Thank you all so much again!

May I add, she lives on her own through fault of her own.

Christmas alone is quite the thing though. Not sure if I could make myself OK with that.

It depends on how helpful she would be and how well you get on with her. It sounds like “not a lot” on both counts, from your post!
My second baby was due on Christmas Eve. MIL and PIL came to stay for a week, to help with the cooking and to look after my 16 month old while DH and I were at the hospital. They were a great support, especially as DD2 nearly died at birth and needed a week in ITU. But we were all on good terms and they were welcome.