To ask for your opinions on “blended” family wills proposal?

[Catatatan]

DH has 1 child from previous marriage, and together we have two young kiddos.
Previously rented but have just bought own house as joint tenants, mortgaged. Both have life insurance policies to cover the mortgage and a bit more.
Making wills and I want to avoid issues such as stepson being left out should DH die first, and want to ensure my children benefit from me but don’t want stepson to inherit from “my” half (because he has a mother he will inherit from iyswim).
So my proposal is that the everything is passed from either spouse to the other spouse, and then on their death, the estate is split 50/50 - first half split in equal shares between the children DH and I share and then the second half is split in equal shares between the children DH has in total (so our two plus his firstborn).

E.g. dh goes first and then I pass away. Estate is £300,000 after all deductions (hypothetical!)
£150k of estate (my half) is split in equal shares to my two children (that I had with DH) So £75k each.
150k (his half) is split in equal shares to DH children (£50k each)
Which means stepson has £50k but his two half siblings have £125,000 each... which might seem unfair but stepson will also inherit from his mother who has a house of higher value and no other children. I don’t see why stepson should benefit from three adults but our kids only benefit from two.

This seems the fairest way to me - would like to know if others in similar scenarios have done things differently!

Sounds fair to me. I wouldn’t want my stepchildren inheriting from me either. I should really make a will.....

Sounds perfectly correct. As you say, step son will inherit from his mum and that wont be shared with his siblings so why should they share their inheritance from you with him.

As someone with step parents, we have all been made aware - anything in a will goes to the wife/husband. Then after the last death is split equally between all children, whether they are the last survivors children or stepchildren we all get the same.

I must say though, one parent is well off and likely to leave something large. The other isn't and is more likely to leave a small sum. I dont care about either, its their money and I'd be happy to receive none

The problem you'll face is that, after the first spouse dies, there is nothing to stop the survivor from writing a completely new will that splits things in a different way. So if you die first with everything passing to your DH, he can then write a new will that splits things evenly between all 3 children. Equally if DH dies first with everything passing to you, you could write a new will that cuts out stepson completely.

That's what my DH's family have done. Like you say, your step son has a mother. Only question is what happens if you have more children or he does after the other dies? You might be better, for inheritance tax purposes, putting the house in trust for the kids in their shares with the remaining life partner having a life interest in the house. But then not your house and if you needed money for care home fees etc, wouldn't have a house to sell.

Basically, consult a trust and wills lawyer to talk through the options.

We have four kids between us. One is mine, three are his, they’re all adults. Our joint assets will be split four ways. My son made it abundantly clear that if we did things the way you suggest, ie he got half and the other three got a sixth, he’d simply ensure they all got the same after we’re dead.

That sounds fair in principle to me as a general approach ...

The only thing I'd say is that it would also seem reasonable (to me) to adapt it to the circumstances. So if for example the step child's other parent wasn't in the picture, or was dirt poor, and your family was well off, I might tend towards leaving the same to all of them.

But if the other parent is likely to leave them a fair amount then it sounds fair enough to me [disclaimer: I am not any sort of solicitor].

I’ve a horror story from my own family. My aunt passed away and her husband started a relationship with someone new. He died shortly after, but not before leaving everything to the new woman and nothing to his children. Not really helpful for your problem, but basically what I’m saying is consult a lawyer and take advice.

That sounds ok, if you're elderly and one dies a few years after the other. What if one dies 40 years after the first and has remarried, what does the survivors will look like that in that scenario?

That sounds a normal and sensible way of doing thing.

Yes that is fair but it can still go wrong. After one spouse dies, the other might remarry or change the will.

I think the only way to guarantee an inheritance for your children is to leave the house to them with the spouse having a life interest

But you really really need to talk to a lawyer

@EggysMom I realise it is totally based on each spouse trusting the other, but I would never cut my stepson out of my will. My own DM was deliberately left out of her mothers will and it was awful. I couldn’t do that to stepson even if we fell out, DH is still his dad and he shouldn’t lose out just because his parents are separated.

@JustMarriedBecca I have considered that but, I wouldn’t want to remove the remaining spouses right to control their own assets.

@DisappearingGirl yes that’s a good point too.
In fact in our scenario, stepsons mother stands to inherit property worth over a million from her own mother (stepson Grandmother) which will eventually pass to stepson if his Mum doesn’t blow it all (which of course she is more than entitled to do and enjoy!) but she won’t be sharing that with her sons half siblings in her will!

@RichPetunia

I’ve a horror story from my own family. My aunt passed away and her husband started a relationship with someone new. He died shortly after, but not before leaving everything to the new woman and nothing to his children. Not really helpful for your problem, but basically what I’m saying is consult a lawyer and take advice.

That happened in the bloke’s family too. His grandfather left everything to his second wife, who in turn left it to a niece she’d never even met but who was allegedly named after her. His three adult children got nothing.

@Stanleyville Obviously things can change but we have both discussed this and as our family matters are already complicated neither would want to remarry simply to protect assets and any pension entitlements, etc.

Sorry, after death of 1st spouse, will could be altered. So although principle OK, it needs to be carefully structured to avoid that. (I think that would mean things not passing between spouses - I know again that means spousal tax exemptions perhaps not being used)

You might not die at the same or similar times, so need to ensure that you or he has enough in the estate to maintain house or living standard.

I disagree, I don’t think it’s nice. I think you should split equally between all dc.

Doesn’t matter whether stepson will inherit from his mother. He has three adults involved in his life. Your dc have two. That’s how it is.

I think anything other than an equal split sends a clear message that stepson is less of a part of your family and means less, and that has the potential to cause a family rift. If I were your dc, I wouldn’t want my sibling to be treated that way or to have that difficult situation of being left more thrust upon me.

@VinylDetective @RichPetunia this is exactly what I want to avoid. I’d hate my stepson to be in a situation where he’s lost his father and also not received anything when I pass on. He will be well provided for in his mother’s will (based on current circumstances) but he has a mum and a dad.

Leave your share to your DH while he lives. He does the same. On his death your share goes to your children. On your death his share goes to his children.

See a solicitor.

@Lockdownfatigue why isn’t it nice? I’m not his mum. And I want to make sure all three kids inherit from their respective parents. I highly doubt stepson will be sharing his wealth with his half siblings upon his mothers death so I’m not sure how it’s any different?

@Nanny0gg This is exactly what I’ve tried to describe. That’s a much much more straightforward way of saying it thank you!

It's worth taking proper legal advice.

Doing it the way you intend puts a lot of faith in the surviving spouse to never remarry, to always have a valid will (errors are very common) and to always consider their deceased spouses wishes (especially your DH - he has to rely on you never disinheriting his son no matter what he does).

Care costs should the surviving spouse remarry also needs to be considered. My father remarried. His wife died and there was an issue with her will so he inherited her house. It ended up covering quite substantial care costs for him. Even if he had a will (which he didn't) her children would have got very little because of that. Which isn't right really as it was her first husband who inherited the property from his parents and fully expected her to leave it to their children.

@Catatatan that’s how we’ve done it.

DH will just have to trust me. If he didn’t, I’d be questioning why he’s with me tbh.

My dad trusted my step mum to leave his mother's flat price upon sale.to us (He had no arrests as had given it all to new wife). She said of course. He dies, grandmother then dies, she said fuck you to me and my little brother and kept everything my.grandmother had worked for for over 60 years all for herself and her children and brought herself a holiday house in Spain. My bitter rant aside - I'm glad you're leaving a will op. It seems fair to me.

What if his mum lives into her 90s and needs expensive care so he has lost dad and then gets nothing from mums will?

You need to do what you feel comfortable with but are you not worried this will cause issues between your kids and their brother when you are gone?

I have a daughter from a previous relationship and a son with my husband. My daughters dad comes from a wealthy family but in the end we decided on an equal split because of the above concerns. May be that DS ends up a much higher earner, or marries rich, or that exP loses all his money and DD gets nothing from him, or one or both sets of couples needs care which cannibalises the estate. It just felt like “fair” was impossible to achieve so we feel like an equal split is less likely to cause them issues when the estate is divided.