To ask for your opinions on “blended” family wills proposal?

[Catatatan]

DH has 1 child from previous marriage, and together we have two young kiddos.
Previously rented but have just bought own house as joint tenants, mortgaged. Both have life insurance policies to cover the mortgage and a bit more.
Making wills and I want to avoid issues such as stepson being left out should DH die first, and want to ensure my children benefit from me but don’t want stepson to inherit from “my” half (because he has a mother he will inherit from iyswim).
So my proposal is that the everything is passed from either spouse to the other spouse, and then on their death, the estate is split 50/50 - first half split in equal shares between the children DH and I share and then the second half is split in equal shares between the children DH has in total (so our two plus his firstborn).

E.g. dh goes first and then I pass away. Estate is £300,000 after all deductions (hypothetical!)
£150k of estate (my half) is split in equal shares to my two children (that I had with DH) So £75k each.
150k (his half) is split in equal shares to DH children (£50k each)
Which means stepson has £50k but his two half siblings have £125,000 each... which might seem unfair but stepson will also inherit from his mother who has a house of higher value and no other children. I don’t see why stepson should benefit from three adults but our kids only benefit from two.

This seems the fairest way to me - would like to know if others in similar scenarios have done things differently!

Please don't say "they already have a mother" - DH already had a wife, but he legally discarded her and married again. He has two wives, they have two mothers.

But the stepson DOES have a mother. He’ll only ever have one. You obviously have some issues with the concept of divorce, given that you describe it as ‘legally discarding’ someone. You have the right to that opinion - but you can’t have it both ways. You either don’t accept divorce, in which case his first wife is his only wife, or you do accept it, meaning he has one wife and one ex-wife.

To me, the term "step-mom" means stepping into the role of mom

It doesn’t. The ‘step’ refers to ‘a step away’.

Thankfully we have 2 kids a piece and none jointly so it's simple - tenants in common with lifetime interest, one joint life assurance policy to benefit the survivor but other separate to benefit the relevant kids (adults) immediately. I'm the beneficiary of my exh's will and pension too (unusual I grant you)

I would do exactly the same as OP but am glad of the advice here on leaving it in a trust fund rather than expressing it in a will.
It's a perfectly natural decision. The step child will still inherit from two parents, why would anyone think they should inherit from four? (If both parents re-married). It all works out fair. This is not a case of favouring one biological child over another - it is a blended family. In many cases both parties have come to the table with their own money, hard earnt. What's wrong in protecting your own child's financial interests?

Thinking that everything should be equal betwhen step and half siblings can send up in a mess.

If I die tomorrow and leave £100k to my one child , I want her to get £100k. Not next week but when she needs it, perhaps to pay university fees or as a deposit for her first property.

But what if her dad remarries a woman with two kids and then they have another two together? Then he decides that the money should be divided equally between all 5 kids , so myDD gets £20k instead of £100k.

That’s presumably not what I wanted when I wrote my will.

My dad remarried, and died before his wife- albeit she has no children, but she is a very strange/unpredictable lady, and most her money and house came from my dad.

So if my mum does the same as OP has proposed and I get less from my mum than her children with her husband (my half siblings) and then my step mum decides to leave her money elsewhere ( she may remarry/ give it to charity, which she can do whatever she wants with it as it’s all legally hers) I would loose out from mums side and dads side. My dad died unexpectedly And suddenly

So if my mum does the same as OP has proposed and I get less from my mum than her children with her husband (my half siblings)
No, if your mum does as OP proposes you will get exactly the same share of your mother’s estate as her other children. Several posters are trying to get OP to nail it down so that her children don’t end up in the same position as you re. your dads estate - waiting to see if his wife will do the right thing in the end.

I think it’s fair. My sister is in the same position and thjs is how she and her dh have drawn up their wills.

She came to the marriage with her own assets, quite a lot of assets. Her step kids were late teens when they got together so although they’re now been married 20 years she never really had a relationship with her SC and doesn’t particularly want them to have her estate when she dies when that would mean reducing what her kids get.

So her dh, his half the assets will be split 5 ways as he has 5 kids. Her assets split 2 ways as she has 2 kids. But yes, they are each relying on the other to do the right thing after whoever dies first has died and not change their wills.

they are each relying on the other to do the right thing after whoever dies first has died and not change their wills.

In which case, as explained by many posters here and elsewhere, there are many, many things that could frustrate the plan, including the cost of care as well as subsequent partners

A trust would shield the estate of the first to die from all those potential threats.

Thanks for all the posts everyone. Definitely going to discuss all points with our solicitor.
The topic of step parents and divorce seems to be a tricky issue with many from what I’ve read. Certainly if DSS didn’t have a mother then things would be different. I do not believe that marrying a man with a child means “taking on” the stepchild - I am a friend to DSS at best. He already has a mum and it’s not my place to “step into” a mother role. Marrying a man with a child means supporting and respecting their relationship and being a positive “extra” in the child’s life, not being a second mum. If hypothetically DH and I divorced then I wouldn’t be anything to DSS, only the mother of his half siblings. I do not have parental responsibility for him so while I have a good relationship with him I will never be his mum and that’s fine by the both of us. I think it’s bonkers for posters to even suggest I’m a mother role to him!

I’m interested in what MN thinks I should do. I have one son. The bloke has three kids. Our house is owned jointly but I paid off the mortgage with part of my inheritance. We’ve been together for most of my stepkids’ lives.

My son will inherit from me and his dad. The stepkids will inherit from us and their mum, they’ve already had a substantial inheritance from their mum’s former partner. How do we make it fair to all of them?

@VinylDetective

I’m interested in what MN thinks I should do. I have one son. The bloke has three kids. Our house is owned jointly but I paid off the mortgage with part of my inheritance. We’ve been together for most of my stepkids’ lives.

My son will inherit from me and his dad. The stepkids will inherit from us and their mum, they’ve already had a substantial inheritance from their mum’s former partner. How do we make it fair to all of them?

I think you have to decide on which way you are going to be fair.

My situation is that DH has DS1, I have DD 1 and DD2 and we then have DS2, DD3 and DD4.

DS 1 has inherited from his late Mum and is likely to inherit from his maternal GP's. The girls won't inherit from their father, but probably will from their paternal GPs. The younger three will inherit from us.

We have long since had a policy of no steps or halves in our home. Everyone is one family. We've been together since the elder three were young.

So we've decided to split it equally between all the kids. We each have a will giving a lifetime trust to the other and then it being split equally between the six named children because trying to make it fair in monetary terms is impossible because we can't predict what might happen with our finances, with the other potential inheritances. We settled on the fact everyone has always been equal in our house so we'll do the same with wills.

There's still an element of trust. If DH dies I could change my will and leave out DS1 and he could leave out my girls if I went first, equally the second to die could leave it all to a new spouse, but we both know that we have it set up now to be fair, in terms of feelings in our house, to everyone.

e each have a will giving a lifetime trust to the other

equally the second to die could leave it all to a new spouse

If you have been left a lifetime interest in a trust, you can of course still determine what to do with your own portion. What you can no longer do, is change how your late partner left their half.

@FinallyHere

e each have a will giving a lifetime trust to the other

equally the second to die could leave it all to a new spouse

If you have been left a lifetime interest in a trust, you can of course still determine what to do with your own portion. What you can no longer do, is change how your late partner left their half.

Which is exactly what I said.

@lyralalala

the second to die could leave it all to a new spouse