To ask for your opinions on “blended” family wills proposal?

[Catatatan]

DH has 1 child from previous marriage, and together we have two young kiddos.
Previously rented but have just bought own house as joint tenants, mortgaged. Both have life insurance policies to cover the mortgage and a bit more.
Making wills and I want to avoid issues such as stepson being left out should DH die first, and want to ensure my children benefit from me but don’t want stepson to inherit from “my” half (because he has a mother he will inherit from iyswim).
So my proposal is that the everything is passed from either spouse to the other spouse, and then on their death, the estate is split 50/50 - first half split in equal shares between the children DH and I share and then the second half is split in equal shares between the children DH has in total (so our two plus his firstborn).

E.g. dh goes first and then I pass away. Estate is £300,000 after all deductions (hypothetical!)
£150k of estate (my half) is split in equal shares to my two children (that I had with DH) So £75k each.
150k (his half) is split in equal shares to DH children (£50k each)
Which means stepson has £50k but his two half siblings have £125,000 each... which might seem unfair but stepson will also inherit from his mother who has a house of higher value and no other children. I don’t see why stepson should benefit from three adults but our kids only benefit from two.

This seems the fairest way to me - would like to know if others in similar scenarios have done things differently!

*No assets, not no arrests. Fucking phone.

As a step child, I think this makes perfect sense. I don’t have any siblings, bio or step, so that doesn't pose an issue - but I wouldn't expect any inheritance from my parents' partners. I'm not their descendant.

We’ve been taking about this lately with the added complication that we aren’t married and live in house I own. I want to ensure should I die tomorrow my children are provided for, OH should inherit the house and I want to leave a life insurance policy to exh to provide for ds as he is a low earner. OH thought I wasn’t being fair as it wasn’t split 4 ways equally but I explained as time goes on that’s what will happen but if i died tomorrow youngest ds life wouldn’t change but oldest ds would in terms of lifestyle/location and monetary stability.

We also have a lump sum in joint saving I’ve asked what to do with that in case oh dies and he says to keep it to provide for me and ds and ensure that all 4 kids get an equal split in my death.

Step kids are unlikely to inherit a lot due to their mums poor money skills, she will inherit a property with her brother but chances are she’ll leave nothing to the kids.

@AdultierAdult Obviously there are lots of whatifs, for example DH or I could live to 90 and our two children are left with nothing after care fees but stepson could inherit over a million quid worth of property from his mother and wouldn’t think to share with half siblings (why should he?) and my kids won’t have anything. But my thinking comes from the fact that if we were to separate, I certainly have no intention to remarry and DH doesn’t fancy a third marriage. So in that scenario my two dc inherit from me in equal shares. And DH’s three children (inc my two) inherit from their dad in equal shares. I don’t see why that should be different just because DH and I are married. And yes as a PP said, if my DH can’t trust me to do the right thing by his firstborn and I can’t keep a promise then why did we marry?

And yes as a PP said, if my DH can’t trust me to do the right thing by his firstborn and I can’t keep a promise then why did we marry?

It's not just about trust though.

If there is an error with your will, if it can't be found etc then his son will lose out.

You need to do with a solicitor.
Easy enough to set up as you said in OP but need a live in clause. Ie. Your share is left to your children but with a live in trust for spouse so he can live in house and your children will inherit after his days. His will would mirror yours. After first spouse dies their will cant be changed so that will be completed after 2nd spouse death. 2nd spouse could change their own will but not the others. For example if you died first your childrwn would inherit your share of house after their dads death. If he changed his will it would only change his half of estate.

You’re not his mum but you are his stepmum. And his mum is not part of your dcs’ family. And you married his father knowing that made you a step parent.

My grandparents had a step grandchild (a cousin of mine) who they treated less favourably and always made it plain that they were not her grandparents. None of us are close now a long time after their death, it really impacted family relationships. Which will be worth more than inheritance to your dc imo. Obviously you make the choice you want but it’s not one I would make.

What if his mum lives into her 90s and needs expensive care so he has lost dad and then gets nothing from mums will? You need to do what you feel comfortable with but are you not worried this will cause issues between your kids and their brother when you are gone?

And what if the OP and her husband are the ones who live into their nineties and the stepson’s mom is hit by a train tomorrow? You can’t legislate for every possible outcome to life.

The OP is not suggesting disinheriting her stepson because he’ll inherit from his mother. He’ll still get an equal share of his dad’s estate. He just won’t get a share of his stepmom’s estate.

My Dad said he'd left my db and I well provided for when he died in 2001. We are still waiting!! I think his wife hasn't been honest about the will, but life is too short to worry about it. When she dies, we will see, but I am not holding my breath.

OP, if the worst was to happen your DH could inherit your whole estate while your children are still youngish, and subsequently marry someone else with kids....and then die before her. By which time your share of the estate will be invisible. My friend ended up with nothing because if this scenario.

I would leave your share of the house and savings direct to your children. With a deed that says your DH can continue to live in the house until they are 21, or some other arrangement.

If you want someone to inherit, leave it to them in your will!

Your proposal is fair and logical. However it is unenforceable and I think you need to come up with something more robust legally, such as using trusts.

You say you won’t cut your stepson out of your will and maybe you won’t deliberately. But you may remarry, go on to have more children and this is going to dilute the share for all children, which is fair enough for your own two, but that would not be fair on the stepson.

Same if you go first, or alternatively DH could adjust the will to three equal shares.

That sounds very fair and logical OP. Unless your SS mum wants to divide her house between her son and your 2 it's the only fair way.

I'm from a blended family and if be depressed to think my step parent was slicing it this way; she's been I'm out lives since we were little kids, our half brother is our brother, our step sister is our sister. That's how we see it, so it would be a bit sucky to find we were still "not family" enough to her to inherit.

OTOH I don't think anyone should expect anything inheritance wise. It's what this division says about how you see him that's upsetting or could be.

Having said that we lived full time with my dad and only visited with our mum from time to time so may be different circs.

And to be fair my dad and sm have always favoured our brother (both of their kid) over either my sister and I (dad's) or stepsister (SM's). I guess this is pretty normal.

Good way to remind stepson he's not a 'full' part of the family

The problem is if you did pass away and your DH married again.
He could leave everything to her and your kids get nothing.
The will needs to state on the death of your husband your half is then split between your kids. Not just transfer to your DH because he can do what he wants after you pass and vice versa.

It sounds fair, but like others have said, it's potentially a recipe for disaster because the second will can always be changed. Posters above, and many others on Mumsnet, have given countless examples where one family has been totally disinherited by a subsequent spouse, despite promises to the contrary. Most famous recent case is Linda Bellingham. If you want your children to receive anything from your estate, it needs to be done via your will and you should not rely on your husband's will to do this. Exactly the same goes for him. We have had experience in both mine and DHs families where subsequent marriages have really messed up what people would have wanted were they still alive. And where seemingly generous and friendly people have started arguing about really insignificant (to them) amounts, no matter what bad feeling this caused.

@Venicequeen2004 but the stepson would inherit?

OP, i think your intentions sound fair.
I know you say now that you don't want to remarry but you don't know how you feel/what will happen down the line..

We have split our money now with life interests for the survivor and then everything to the children. I have given DSS 10% of my estate with remainder split 45/45 with my DC.

@Palavah not from the SM. It's basically the step parent saying "my money to my children, your child is nothing to do with me".

Which is fine where that's true, but if the kids have been raised together and the SP has acted in a parental role (picking up, dropping off, feeding, holidays etc) it's a bit hard for the kid who's left out/given less. It's not their fault their parents didn't stay together.

From what I have read and know personally men tend to move on much much quicker than women often within a year or two .
Perfect example -Linda Bellingham ( the OX0 mum) did what your suggesting
And when she died her lovely trusting husband then cut her to children out of his will Several million pounds and property he inherited .
And despite what you say about your husband and trusting him If he remarries then his new wife potentially gets it all if he dies and then it’s up to her who she leaves it to .

Do you seriously think a new wife is going to let children that she has absolutely no connection to walk of with what is legally hers by marriage .

If you want to make sure 100 percent that your kids are left your half don’t trust your spouse to do the right thing . If your really not that bothered then crack on with what your doing .

It’s not really even trusting your spouse it’s more a case of if he gets married then any previous wills become void and your wishes on your deathbed mean fuck all.

There is a brilliant will writer on here mumblechum I believe her name is .
You can get wills done where your half is in trust for titts kids.
Your husband can live in the house till he dies
He can still sell up and downsize but your half is always protected for your kids
It’s not expensive to do £300 -£400
But then at least you know your kids will get what is rightfully belong to them by the wishes of your will .

@MomToTwoBabas

That sounds very fair and logical OP. Unless your SS mum wants to divide her house between her son and your 2 it's the only fair way.

Well that's bollocks. The SS's mum only chose to have one child. The OP chose to take on a partner with a child already and have more children with him. So in effect she chose to have three children.

I find it so irresponsible how many people get with someone who has a child already and have no intention of treating that child equally to any future children. Children aren't optional extras when you start a relationship with a parent.

DP an I are tenants in common. I own a larger share of the house.

Our wills are mirror wills which say that the other tenant has a life interest in the property until they either wish to move or start to co-habit with someone else. At this point the house is sold and the assets divided in the 75:25 split. We both have life insurance to cover the total value of the mortgage. So even dropping to one income after the death of the other partner will allow them to continue to live in the house. Our son is our beneficiary but it would work even if one partner had other children.

To my mind this covers us in the event of the early death of one partner and potential re-marriage of the remaining partner, and it protects the other's share in the house should one need to go into a care home.

I don't trust anyone but me to make sure my wishes are carried out and this is why I have a will.