To ask for your opinions on “blended” family wills proposal?

[Catatatan]

DH has 1 child from previous marriage, and together we have two young kiddos.
Previously rented but have just bought own house as joint tenants, mortgaged. Both have life insurance policies to cover the mortgage and a bit more.
Making wills and I want to avoid issues such as stepson being left out should DH die first, and want to ensure my children benefit from me but don’t want stepson to inherit from “my” half (because he has a mother he will inherit from iyswim).
So my proposal is that the everything is passed from either spouse to the other spouse, and then on their death, the estate is split 50/50 - first half split in equal shares between the children DH and I share and then the second half is split in equal shares between the children DH has in total (so our two plus his firstborn).

E.g. dh goes first and then I pass away. Estate is £300,000 after all deductions (hypothetical!)
£150k of estate (my half) is split in equal shares to my two children (that I had with DH) So £75k each.
150k (his half) is split in equal shares to DH children (£50k each)
Which means stepson has £50k but his two half siblings have £125,000 each... which might seem unfair but stepson will also inherit from his mother who has a house of higher value and no other children. I don’t see why stepson should benefit from three adults but our kids only benefit from two.

This seems the fairest way to me - would like to know if others in similar scenarios have done things differently!

I haven't time to read the full thread now but what happens if you go first and then your dp remarries?

If you want your DC to benefit then you shouldn't leave it to your DH as you have no control over what he may choose to do with it in the future. He may agree now and later, after your death, decide that circumstances have changed so update the will.

You need to leave your share to your DC with your DH having the right to remain in the property until the end of his life.

Consider what happens if DH remarries or wants to move.

I have two half siblings, when we inherit they will get half of their dads half each and my mum’s half will be split three ways. So something like 42/42/16. It makes perfect sense to me, and I will inherit my dad 100% so realistically I’ll end up better off. I don’t see why I should inherit their dad, they won’t inherit mine?

There is a brilliant will writer on here mumblechum I believe her name is
You can get wills done where your half is in trust for the kids
Your husband can live in the house till he dies
He can still sell up and downsize but your half is always protected for your kids

This ^

What you are proposing sounds fair, but is not legally enforceable if the surviving spouse inherits everything, and wants to change how things are done. What you are talking about is really just an expression of wishes.

@melodypondisasuperhero

Because your dad never took responsibility for them, but their dad took responsibility for you.

Never, ever, never, ever, never, ever, never, ever x 10000000000000000000000000

Do anything based on trust. Please! Do not do it!!..

I've seen endless threads, comments posts on this subject and been a victim of of it myself and had friends who have also been royally fucked by TRUST.

Please don't do it.

You need solid, unequivocally legally binding wills that protect your dc with this man inspite of what might happen after you die 1st.

What people say, and the reality of what happens are vastly different.

Just don't do it. Make it legally secure so no one can change it after death.

Inheritance is inherently unfair, so I think taking into account what one person might inherit from someone else is pointless and will make them feel less a part of your family. Split it equally between all your and your husband's children.

I also voted yabu, not because of the division of assets but because what You want, will mean diddly squat 30 years down the line when your dh could be on his fourth marriage and family and your dc have been well and truly pushed out and forgotten...

Personally it wouldn't be the route I would choose. After your death your husband under family pressure could quite easily change his will to split his estate 3 ways therefore ignoring your wishes - seen this happen sooooo many times

I would have done a 50/50 tenancy in common mortgage and then had a will stipulating your assets on your death go direct to your 2 children. You could leave DH something to avoid the "reasonable provisions" clause ie lump sum from the life insurance pay out and a right to live in the house etc but that's it. Hope for the best plan for the worst and sometimes that means making "unpopular" decisions ie not doing the standard clause of leaving everything to DH in the event you die first.

As someone with step parents, we have all been made aware - anything in a will goes to the wife/husband. Then after the last death is split equally between all children, whether they are the last survivors children or stepchildren we all get the same.
Same. We are all considered "the children" bio or not.

You just do you,

Op is no more protecting her dc than your df or grandmother did. She worked all her life, so why not project that asset and do a will?

A proper will that cannot be changed.

Trust is a funny thing. Do I trust my dh? Absolutely! He's an utterly amazing man, christ, even if he had an affair... Or left me.. He's been the best dh and bf and partner.

He's that amazing.

But if I died, he's alone, he could meet anyone... Have more dc... Any new partner could push my dc out, manipulate him... Whatever.. Who knows? Your placing everything on the character of some unknown person who isn't known to you, who isn't in your family unit.

OP, not long ago made a will. I have a step child. My only advice is that should one of you die and remarry, then that person dies, the new spouse could claim everything.
Also, whichever spouse is left with the inheritance could disinherit their step children (thinking long term fall outs etc).
I would ask about putting your half into a trust for your children. It costs more than a will and you'll need at least two trustees, but you can stipulate that if something should happen to you, your husband can't sell the house and use the profits for his child.
A trust safeguards your child's inheritance.
Something to think about, but your solicitor will ask you all the questions anyway.

In this situation I would’ve bought as Tenants in Common and split as you suggest.

Joint tenants is dangerous as the property goes to the other partner entirely. They can do as they please.

If you die, your DH remarried and has another child with another woman with whom he is joint tenants, he could die, the entire lot goes to his new wife and your children get a big fat zero.

As a child of a second marriage I would find it very awkward upon the death of my last parent to discover that my ‘full’ sibling and I had inherited more than my ‘half’ siblings. I would much rather everything was split equally.

I know a few years ago, after my dad’s death, my mum (siblings’ stepmother) said that, when she died, all money would be split 4 ways but the house would only go to my full brother and I, as the others never lived there, but she was questioning whether that was the right thing to do. I said I thought it should go to all 4 of us equally and if she hasn’t changed her will that will be what I’ll be doing anyway - splitting the proceeds of its sale 4 ways.

I suppose things are different if step children’s other parent is likely to leave them a significant amount. In my situation my mum and dad were much better off financially than his ex wife so there is unlikely to be much of an estate left by her. But even if there was I don’t think I’d want to confuse things and I’d just want everything from him and my mum split equally. She’s been in their lives since they were very young, has treated their kids like her grandchildren, still sees them regularly even though our dad died over 10 years ago etc. I think it would be very hurtful all round if she then treated them so differently in her will.

Which is fine where that's true, but if the kids have been raised together and the SP has acted in a parental role (picking up, dropping off, feeding, holidays etc) it's a bit hard for the kid who's left out/given less.

But they’re not getting less. They’re getting the same as their half-siblings. The half-siblings are getting half each of their mother’s estate; he is getting all of his mother’s.

Which is fine where that's true, but if the kids have been raised together and the SP has acted in a parental role (picking up, dropping off, feeding, holidays etc) it's a bit hard for the kid who's left out/given less. It's not their fault their parents didn't stay together.

I'm not going to choose not to leave the money I have worked all my life for to my child because it is tough on another child and not their fault their parents didnt stay together, ffs. Not everything revolves around compensating to them for their parents not staying together. My money is my own.

Your argument that it would be different for the mum to share her fortune between the half siblings, than for the step mum to do so, based on the fact that the mum only chose to have one child and the step mum chose to "take on" their partner's is absolute bollocks too. I have one child and a step child. I only have one child. My stepson didn't become my child and I didn't "take him on". I support my partner in the fact that he has two children, that is all. I didn't automatically sign over half of what I earn to his child by being in a relationship with him. That is simply naive.

I am a widow, I am in a support group for widows and widowers. Please protect your children against lossing money to remarriage after your death. Most men do remarry, whatever they say beforehand, and many of them scarily quickly.

I must say though, in your example you have one child with £50k and the other 2 with £125k.

For the sake of unity I’d prob split equally three ways - £100k each. A significant increase to your stepson but less significant decrease to your two.

Leave your share to your DH while he lives. He does the same. On his death your share goes to your children. On your death his share goes to his children.
That’s not a good way to do it. Hypothetically, DH dies first and OP inherits everything, with the intention of giving all children a fair share upon her death. However OP ends up in a care home and they take the house to pay for her care. Stepson is then in the situation of having his inheritance spent on his step mother’s care and he gets nothing from his father’s estate.

For the sake of unity I'd probably split equally three ways - £100k each

But that is splitting the whole amount equally and completely defeats the object of OP leaving her inheritance to her own children, and her husband to his.

My DB and I, my DH, and my BF's husband were all disinherited by second marriages where our last surving parent pre-deceased their new spouse, who left it all to their biological child rather than us. It is very, very common.

I think you chose to take on his child when you married. This child (obvs hopefully an adult by then) will be grieving the death of his father or stepmother and then finding out they thought of them as 'less than' their other children. I think it's really spiteful to be honest.

Wot @EggysMom said

This is a really important consideration which really needs to be addressed.

Your proposal works if you die at the same time. It's what happens when the first of you dies that needs fleshing out, to stop the survivor changing the terms.

And if I had a pound for every friend who has said they would never marry again. Within months , they introduce first their new partner then its wedding invitations. Sigh.

Any previous will is invalidated by a subsequent marriage. If they don't do anything, the whole estate is distributed according to the laws of intestacy. If they make a will ...

Even if he doesn't marry again, the whole house could be used up in care home fees.

Another book for @Mumblechum0 aka https://www.marlowwills.co.uk. Phone calls & drafts sent by email. Perfect.

@asofanearyou

Perfect illustration of my point. Total individualism, no consideration of the feelings of the child whose life you crashed into. You saw a man you liked and didn't care if he had a child or not, if your impact on them would be good or bad.

Ok fine, you only care about you and yours. It's a common attitude.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

What other people may of may not leave is neither certain or anyone elses business. This is about the stepparent saying "they are my family, you are not." Which is fine if that's how they feel but if someone has been a parent figure to that step child then it may well hurt them to realise that's how they were percieved. But hey, no law saying the OP has to care how her stepchild feels.