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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this woman was very selfish

392 replies

littlemsattitude · 19/09/2020 17:28

This morning at the petrol station she was in the shop with her husband, they walked round several of the aisles without buying anything and then she went with him to pay for the petrol, he was wearing a mask and she didn't. He paid for the petrol and they didn't buy anything else.

She should have waited in the car, there was no reason for them both to be in the shop Angry

OP posts:
Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 19/09/2020 19:40

FFS

BronwenFrideswide · 19/09/2020 19:42

@Kisskiss

I think that it should be OK to question someone (politely) why they aren’t wearing a mask. And similarly ok for them to respond ( politely) the reasons why.. it’s difficult times, and people should wear masks if possible. If we self -regulate, it will make enforcement( think of the poor shop staff and transport network staff who have to play mask-nanny) much easier and help lower covid infections
It is none of your business why someone is not wearing a mask, you seriously want them to give their medical or other exemption details to you a complete stranger in a public place? This is just another equally nasty version of "Why has that person got a Blue Badge/using the Disabled Toilet/sitting in the Disabled space on the bus, they don't look disabled"
SideEyeing · 19/09/2020 19:42

Hm. Don't necessarily agree with the OPs point of view but also don't agree with people calling her a bitch, "fuck off", "get a life" etc.

It's getting to the point on MN where people can literally post on AIBU saying someone spat on them in the street and everyone piles in saying "fuck off they might have dementia / asthma / a mouth ulcer."

Exemptions exist but so do thoughtless / selfish people. No need to be so aggressive.

YellowNotRed · 19/09/2020 19:43

The OP has decided to be judge and jury and call a woman selfish without having any knowledge or facts about her situation.

This just comes across as immature and entitled.

How about assuming the best rather than the worst?

If OP is that concerned she should stay home. It's not like the lady in the garage was intentionally coughing all over the chocolate bars and magazines.

SideEyeing · 19/09/2020 19:44

Apologies for my misuse of "literally." As far as I know the imaginary post I've created above has not literally happened. Yet.

cansu · 19/09/2020 19:47

I think you should try and find a hobby OP.

Original poster
littlemsattitude · 19/09/2020 19:48

The problem is that the op does not know if that woman was exempt. The op doesn’t know if that woman has a genuine medical reason NOT to be wearing a face covering. The OP is assuming that every person in the country can wear one, and not everyone can. I can’t see why the OP doesn’t realise this!

No, I don't know and no, I wasn't assuming she could wear one. She could have put a mask on or she could wait in the car (which I know for a fact they had with them) as there is no need for two adults to go in a shop to pay for petrol.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 19/09/2020 19:48

I’m with you on this one OP. She had her partner with her, there was no denial of access to anything she may have wanted in the shop. She had a choice.

It’s perfectly fine if someone can’t wear a mask for whatever reason, but it doesn’t completely absolve them from reducing the risk of potential spread.

But I’m saying that as someone who has to use public transport to get to work and sees the same faces daily without masks and shouting into their phones and eating their dinner (interesting crossover there). Fine if you can’t wear a mask but at least try and limit the amount of orifice spray you’re inflicting on the rest of us.

YellowNotRed · 19/09/2020 19:49

@littlemsattitude

The problem is that the op does not know if that woman was exempt. The op doesn’t know if that woman has a genuine medical reason NOT to be wearing a face covering. The OP is assuming that every person in the country can wear one, and not everyone can. I can’t see why the OP doesn’t realise this!

No, I don't know and no, I wasn't assuming she could wear one. She could have put a mask on or she could wait in the car (which I know for a fact they had with them) as there is no need for two adults to go in a shop to pay for petrol.

There is no reason you can think of but that doesn't mean there wasn't a reason.
IncandescentSilver · 19/09/2020 19:51

YABU. She may have been an asthmatic who needed to stretch her legs.

Ridiculously judgey.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 19/09/2020 19:52

@Kisskiss

I think that it should be OK to question someone (politely) why they aren’t wearing a mask. And similarly ok for them to respond ( politely) the reasons why.. it’s difficult times, and people should wear masks if possible. If we self -regulate, it will make enforcement( think of the poor shop staff and transport network staff who have to play mask-nanny) much easier and help lower covid infections
This is terrible. I saw a lady on channel 4 news a couple of weeks, who can’t wear a mask because she suffers from PTSD. She was raped, and the mask (or any kind of covering) reminds her of the attacker, covering her mouth with his hand to prevent her from screaming for help. Her PTSD means she regularly relives the attack, she said that every time she tries to wear a mask, it sends her right back to attack. As if that wasn’t bad enough she’s now terrified to go out, because of the abuse she receives from the public. It’s inhumane to expect people to share these stories with strangers, just to satisfy their idle curiosity.
WhatifIfeellikeacat · 19/09/2020 19:52

as there is no need for two adults to go in a shop to pay for petrol

But what if she wanted to go to the shop? What if she wanted to buy something and didn't find it? Is it a crime now?

Jonoula · 19/09/2020 19:55

OP Its about 9:1 against you. So extrapolate that across the country, turn it into non mask wearing behaviour and like magic in a couple of weeks we have full lockdown. And cases doubling every couple of days. And deaths shortly after.

Original poster
littlemsattitude · 19/09/2020 19:55

There is no reason you can think of but that doesn't mean there wasn't a reason.

OK, assuming she had a reason. I do not think there was any valid reason. Wanting to go in the small petrol station shop is not a valid reason.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/09/2020 19:56

I think that it should be OK to question someone (politely) why they aren’t wearing a mask. And similarly ok for them to respond ( politely) the reasons why..

Fucking hell, some of my family and friends don't know my medical problems, I certainly wouldn't tella nosy stranger about them.

Original poster
littlemsattitude · 19/09/2020 19:56

@WhatifIfeellikeacat

as there is no need for two adults to go in a shop to pay for petrol

But what if she wanted to go to the shop? What if she wanted to buy something and didn't find it? Is it a crime now?

She can go in a larger supermarket where social distancing is possible instead of a small petrol station shop with narrow aisles.
OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 19/09/2020 19:57

@IncandescentSilver

YABU. She may have been an asthmatic who needed to stretch her legs.

Ridiculously judgey.

And the only place to do that is inside a (presumably as it’s a garage) small shop?

No, it’s at best dense, at worst selfish. Asthma, other medical conditions and PTSD don’t stop you catching and spreading COVID so if you can’t wear a mask you still need to think about modifying your behaviour to limit risk. This woman was with someone, she didn’t have an urgent need to go inside the shop.

flourbroach · 19/09/2020 19:57

None of us knows what is going on in the lives of others. My relative can't leave her husband in the car when she goes to pay for fuel because he has dementia and she can't take her eyes off him for a second.

WhatifIfeellikeacat · 19/09/2020 20:00

She can go in a larger supermarket where social distancing is possible instead of a small petrol station shop with narrow aisles

Sorry OP but maybe she wanted to go in there. Don't assume big supermarkets aren't overcrowded as they are and very much. But she shouldn't be shamed for going into the petrol station shop because some people may not like it. It's her choice whether to go there or not. You wear a mask to protect yourself. It's her risk not to wear one.

Cryalot2 · 19/09/2020 20:03

Not all illnesses are obvious .
She may have had a reason or may not.
She also may have been looking for something and not found such.
Should those excempt wear a lanyard with a (blue, pink,red ,green purple) or whatever coloured ribbon so others know.
There are times you see ones not wearing them but realistically it is only a small piece of cloth or paper which cannot make a serious difference. My family and I always wear them and keep spares in handbags and cars.
If you were in contact knowingly then you would not be out mixing.

TitianaTitsling · 19/09/2020 20:03

Our local Sainsbury's tells you to wear a mask, they had staff on the door checking and only letting you in two at a time, they have signs on the shelves telling you to wear a mask and not to pick up products. how do you shop if you can't pick things up?!

Whitneylilyrose · 19/09/2020 20:05

I went into a petrol station today looking for coleslaw (was a Morrisons) they had none.
My partner who had petrol to pay for was also there.

Survivingchipandkippee · 19/09/2020 20:06

How do you know that What she wanted wasn’t there?

TheArtOfStoryTelling · 19/09/2020 20:06

You'll never know if an individual has a good reason or not for their behaviour.

On an individual level, being in the same shop for just a few minutes with someone not wearing a mask, while you are, is not going to put you at great risk.

On a society-wide level, they say around 80% of people wearing masks is enough to significantly reduce the spread of the virus.

So basically, try not to fret over the odd individuals. As long as MOST of us as a population are wearing them and distancing, it shouldn't be a problem if some aren't.

Batshittery · 19/09/2020 20:07

She could have an exemption from mask wearing and be a carer for the male. There are multiple possibilities as to why they were both in the shop, but it is so utterly depressing that we, as a nation, find ourselves in a position where it is deemed suitable to get home and create a thread on a public forum, whinging about this.
I have a lung condition but I wear a mask as it doesn't cause me any problems, but if I didn't wear one, and someone 'politely' questioned me why not, I would tell them to mind their own fucking business.
What on earth would make some random think that they have any reason to question why someone isn't wearing a mask? And then to expect a polite response. Give me fucking strength.