Am I? Flatmate beef

[AuntieJoyce]

DD has been living with me during lockdown and has recently returned to her London shared flat (2 people). During the last 6 months there has been a change in the flatmate and new flatmate has had the place to herself for three months. DD has been paying her rent and half the bills throughout.

Now DD is back, things are kicking off and I have offered to get the MN opinion as she is not on MN. Sorry seem to have lost ability to set up voting (is this a premium thing now?)

DD is working three days in office, two days in flat whilst sitting in the living room. Flatmate has had a go at her as she can't hold patient calls whilst DD is working in the lounge and it is apparently unprofessional to hold these in her bedroom. So far so missing the irony of making DD work in her bedroom instead. DD has a few calls but both of us have worked comfortably in one room for 6 months, using headsets when we need to be confidential.

Today it has kicked off again. DD has an ensuite and pays £200 more than flatmate for her room because of this. Flatmate has use of house bathroom. DD used the flat bathroom today as she was in the middle of cleaning hers and needed to go.

Flatmate has now texted and asked her not to use "her bathroom". DD has pointed out respectfully that it is not "her bathroom" it is on the landing for both to use. Flatmate says "given yours is attached to your room there is no need to use the other one"

This isn't us is it?

DD needs to state she is not paying £200 extra -if they have a bathroom each. Both agree to wfh in bedroom or share lounge.

The flatmate is being very unreasonable. She cannot claim sole use of the living room for five days a week. That is absurd. She is paying for a shared flat, including shared bathroom and other facilities. The fact that your daughter pays extra for an ensuite is irrelevant. Your daughter pays the same rent as the flatmate for the shared facilities and bathroom, plus extra for the ensuite. Flatmate has got too used to living alone for months and sees your daughter as an intruder in her space which she quickly needs to change.

They should both work in their bedrooms. Your DD should use her own bathroom.

@GoldfishParade

I think your DD is massively unreasonable tbh. I'm sorry.

The flatmate seems to work in some kind of medical capacity ("patient"). It probably does look unprofessional to have the bedroom in the background. Your daughters room is probably larger if it also has an ensuite. She could work in there.

Your daughter has an ensuite bathroom, by agreement the other bathroom belongs to the flatmate. I'm not sure how cleaning a bathroom prevents you from using it.

you seem to have missed the part where the OP's DD PAYS £200 MORE for the ensuite. You see, how that works is, they both live there and use the facilities but the OP's DD gets MORE (ie ensuite), because SHE PAYS FOR IT. The other flatmate does not get their own bathroom because, THEY DON'T PAY FOR IT!!.Any guests will use that bathroom also because it is the general bathroom.

Yes, flatmate has had the place to herself, but she hasn't been paying all the rent! Maybe neither should be working in there - what if one of them wanted a friend round (when allowed) or wanted to watch the TV in there or just chill?

Which bathroom would your daughter’s visitors use? Do both bathrooms have the same facilities in terms of shower/ bath ?

It’s unreasonable for the flatmate to expect sole use of any shared spaces. Sole use of each bathroom makes sense but should lead to a rent adjustment - maybe split the difference, since your daughter benefits from the convenience of an en-suite.

Living room should be on a rota basis- if flatmate has sole use for 3 days she gets more than her fair share. Anyone expecting sole use of communal space at all times needs their own flat.

DD should use her own bathroom only under the circumstances. Especially with coronavirus being an issue these days.

But the living room is fair game.

If flatmate needs a 'professional' background screen, you can fake one on Zoom or put a sheet up on the wall to cover things.

I'd say your DD is the unreasonable one here I'm afraid. I don't think either one has the right to exclusive use of the lounge

Just to be clear on this point. DD is happy to share the working space, using a headset where necessary. Flatmate is not. Flatmate gets exclusive use of the lounge three days a week already as DD goes into work

Did your daughter meet her flatmate before moving in? It sounds like they were never destined to get along.
Are they both named on the tenancy agreement?
The reason I ask is because this situation won't improve and every minor thing will be an issue. It sounds like a toxic living arrangement which is hideous to come home to every day (I flat shared in London in my twenties with mixed success). One of them will need to leave eventually!

This thread has made me mad - brought back memories of my own CF flatmates. I came home once to find one of them had let her sister (and boyfriend) stay in my room. Also came home once to find said sister shagging on the sofa!
I might be projecting, but if I was your DD I'd be all over that flat now, reminding flatmate that it is shared.

@zingally

Your DD shouldn't have used the bathroom. That's not on. She has the en-suite, and therefore the understanding is that the other is for the flatmate. Your DD is paying for the privacy of an en-suite, that's all.

Nope. The bathroom and the living room are communal space. The rent reflect this. The extra 200 is for extra - ie the ensuite.Any guests to the flat will also use the bathroom as it is communal. That is how flats work

OP, flatmate really does not get to dictate who uses the communal space. She may not like DD is the living space but it really is not up to her to say who gets to use it. Her problem. She has been living in the flat subsidised by your DD and has become entitled - feeling like she owns it. She is paying less than half for it. Nightmare flatmate

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously
"if I was your DD I'd be all over that flat now, reminding flatmate that it is shared"

How mean can you get? OP's daughter has had 6 months being coddled by her mother to get her through the pandemic probably in a naice home with a "lovely" garden (this is someone paying an extra £200 on top of London rent for their own private bog after all).

The flatmate meanwhile has been living through a pandemic alone in a flat.

Sure have a conversation but theres no need to act territorial by pissmarking the place

Is it easy to get a new flatmate if this one decides to move out? As lead tenant your daughter will be responsible for the rent and bills if this flatmate decides to leave. Worth bearing in mind, perhaps.

The flat mate is in the wrong over the lounge. But I'd be a bit peeved if somebody had their own bathroom and yet chose to use the other one unless their own one was out of order. Bleach down it a bit feeble. It looks as if they are just not going to be suited to sharing with each other.

I don't think the other tenant understands the concept of sharing a flat and communal spaces. If she wants exclusivity, she needs her own flat.
Exclusive use of the bathroom means it is a private bathroom and her rent needs adjusting. It appears that she thinks of your daughter as a lodger...

You should never pee on bleach.

They are shared areas, so of course your daughter is entitled to use them.

It's very simple really.

[quote GoldfishParade]@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously
"if I was your DD I'd be all over that flat now, reminding flatmate that it is shared"

How mean can you get? OP's daughter has had 6 months being coddled by her mother to get her through the pandemic probably in a naice home with a "lovely" garden (this is someone paying an extra £200 on top of London rent for their own private bog after all).

The flatmate meanwhile has been living through a pandemic alone in a flat.

Sure have a conversation but theres no need to act territorial by pissmarking the place[/quote]
Oh please! The flatmate has been living through a pandemic in a flat partially paid for by DD!

@Viviennemary

The flat mate is in the wrong over the lounge. But I'd be a bit peeved if somebody had their own bathroom and yet chose to use the other one unless their own one was out of order. Bleach down it a bit feeble. It looks as if they are just not going to be suited to sharing with each other.

Well if the flatmate wants exclusive use of the bathroom she can pay for it just like DD has to pay for hers!

Regardless of the payment arrangement it would seem sensible at the moment to have a bathroom each in a shared house. Part of being an adult is learning to wee before putting bleach down the loo.

If they can’t both work in the living room, can they come to an arrangement over the living room depending on whose need is most pressing on that day/time? It doesn’t seem fair for the flatmate to have exclusive use.

It sounds like the main issue is the flat mate demanding rather than politely asking. I can’t imagine the relationship is going to improve so your DD would be well advised to consider moving somewhere else. Life is too short to be unhappy at home. Hope she finds someone nice to share with.

Honestly I think your daughter just needs to move out. I've never known anybody have a falling out with a flatmate and be able to make up/carry on as friends. Once you dislike the person you live with it's hard to get over it, especially if you didnt know each other before.

@Brendabigbaps

Your daughter is BU for not peeing before she bleached! She must have known she needed a pee

I hope this is a joke 😂

If they are using Microsoft Teams or attend anywhere, there is the option to blur out the background. Both should do that and work from their bedrooms.

Re bathroom the flatmate doesn't own the shared bathroom. She shouldnt have complained re that.

@IncandescentSilver

Landlord here. The flatmate is being entirely unreasonable. The lease will specify that the bathroom is shared, or if it doesn't, the implication is that it is shared. Likewise, it will be implied that the en suite is private to the bedroom that it serves, as to access it you would have to go through a non-shared bedroom.

The living room is likewise shared and neither flatmate's need to privacy trumps the others.

I actually shocked at the poster above who thinks the mention of "patient calls" somehow means the other flatmate should have special rights to privacy in the shared living room - seriously?

The flatmate sounds difficult to live with. Thats a nightmare for a landlord as well as a tenant.

Am not a landlord but agree that the other flatmate sounds very precious and hard work!! She shouldn’t be flat sharing.

I live in a flat share and I think it’s all about agreeing a fair system. And I have become aware that what I think is fair isn’t necessarily what my flat mate thinks is!
Where you and DD working in your living room together was okay for you both, this obviously doesn’t suit the flatshare. So it then becomes a conversation about a compromise between your DD and the flat mate, with respect what you think isn’t really relevant (when flat mates have previously brought up what Mum thinks, it comes across as immature).
Your DD wants the living room to wfh, but that means the flatmate can’t, so maybe either a rota for the days they’re both there or both work in bedrooms. We work in our bedrooms and I like I can escape to the living room when I’ve finished working.

The bathroom, I think your DD should be able to use as its in the shared space and she pays extra for the en suite. But not weeing before bleaching was daft!

Lead tenant is irrelevant, it’s a shared rented space and therefore equally should feel like a home to both.

I hope they can work something out, flat sharing can be great, some of my best friends are from sharing 😊